Funhaus - Demo Disk - Season 2 - THE EMPERORS NEW POON

2x2 - HOW TO FIX WORLD WAR II

January 11, 2016

DEMO DISK UPDATE to: Funhaus (all) 1/11/2016 6:00am PAC To all Funhaus Employees, In 2015 we allowed you to get away with a lot of questionable content in your series Demo Disk. Please let this email serve as a reminder that this will not be tolerated in 2016. For clarification purposes, see the list below for conversations, topics, visuals, or games that will be under review for the purposes of your video content: Rule 34 (anything) Snapping of discs without protective safety gear Copywritten content, including (but not limited to) songs, movies, TV shows, essays, articles, etc. Flash games (porno) Porno (flash games) Making mock of individuals or games Making mock of audience Making mock of Joel Rubin The following words: nipples, buttocks, butt, butts, ass, boob, boobs, bewbz, vagina, penis, peniscock, Any violation will result in immediate channel termination. Thank you for your compliance. Best, YouTube Boss

2x3 - ACHIEVEMEN HUMPERS

January 18, 2016

Welcome to the Funhaus Empornium, your one-stop emporium shop for high quality porn. If you can dream it, you can cream it, here at the Funhaus Empornium. Star Wars? Disney Princesses? Yeah, we got that. But that's a little vanilla for the Empornium. Hey, here at the Funhaus Empornium we don't judge. That's why we carry the premium weird filth, fam. Robocop porn. Pong porn, for some reason. And the piece de resistance, we got that hot hot Achievement Hunter action. So come on down to the Funhaus Empornium, off State Rural Route 217, behind Yancy's Chicken Shack. If we don't got it, it don't exist!

2x4 - GILLIGANS RULE 34 ISLAND

January 25, 2016

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale A tale of a demo disk That started with these Funhaus boys Who took a PC risk The Bruce was a mighty bearded man And Willems sat next door Kovic searched the internet For Rule 34, for Rule 34 The games all started crashing down The show could not survive No single disc was playable From their old broken drive, from their old broken drive The show was saved by the dudes and girl who run this YouTube thing With Brucigan The Kovic too The Willemsaire and his wife The Spooleo The Peakefessor and Joely-Anne Here on Demo Disk!

2x5 - FIGHT MODE ACTIVATE

February 1, 2016

The first rule of Demo Disk is that you absolutely have to tell everyone about Demo Disk. No, really. We're trying to make some goddamn money here. Do you think YouTube money just flows from fountains? NO. You have to fly to Singapore or wherever and fight in the Kumite.

2x6 - SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND

February 8, 2016

Could we BEE any more excited aBEEout this episode of Demo Disk? ABEEsolutely not! It stars BEEruce Greene, Adam Kovic, and James Willems as they play BEEroken games and BEEreak the sample CDs that they're on! Every week the BEEoys sit down to sample old demos, BEEut that's not all! They also BEErowse online for fun flash games and liBEEidinous Rule34. ComBEEine them all together and you have aBEEout 15 minutes of rootin' tootin' good times! BEEEEEEEE BEBEEEBEBEEE BEE BE BEEE BEEEEBE!

2x7 - NO TIME FOR DRAGONBALL Z

February 15, 2016

We got all your feedback on Demo Disk, about how you hate having Adam and Bruce in it. So this week we have 100% more Lawrence and Joel. You're welcome, world!!!

2x8 - HAIRY POOTER

February 22, 2016

Harry walked through the magical halls of Hogwarts, confused as always by his Charms class. But he had bigger problems: Voldemort had emailed an owl saying he was going to kill Harry tomorrow! So Harry assembled Dumbledore's Army. "We have to find the final Horcrux, guys, and destroy it! Or else Voldemort is gonna come kill us all!" Hermione stepped forward. "Harry, I know what the final Horcrux is, but I'm scared." "Don't be scared, Hermy," Harry said. "Whatever it is, we can help." "Well...Harry, the final Horcrux is your penis." "Ok everyone! You heard Heroine! We have to find out how to get this Horcrux out of my penis. I don't care if it takes all night!" Several hours later Filch was called to clean up the mess, and 7 students were expelled.

2x9 - BLACK COCK DOWN

February 29, 2016

I'm gonna level with you guys here: everyone is going to Austin today. Demo Disk was delivered to us a little late in the afternoon. I'm headed out of town for a wedding. So this description doesn't have anything to do, at all, with the content of the video. Because I just need to write some stuff and get it up online so I can go toast the bride and groom. Happy Monday. Are you satisfied?

2x10 - RACIST HITMAN

March 7, 2016

American McGee's Alice Bolivian Gutierrez's Pilar Colombian Moreno's Sofia Danish Andersen's Agnethe Equadorian Ruiz's Josefina Finnish Jarvi's Indrid German Fleischer's Helga Hungarian Hermel's Erzsebet Indian Chaudhary's Parvati Japanese Hayashi's Kiki Kenyan Kiplimo's Abuya Lithuanian Lutkus' Irena Moroccan... Fuck it, I'm tired of this joke

2x11 - HISTORY BONER

March 21, 2016

Recently, scholars have found a trove of ancient Roman texts. Amongst the documents is one item of particular note: a chronicling of STDs known to the ancients. Below is a brief translated selection. When engaging in relations of a sexual nature with a consort of any type, citizens must know of diseases venereal which may result of that congress. Insomuch as it is my duty as a scholar, I, Glavius Scipianus Portus, have taken it upon myself to seduce as many women as I possibly can or, barring that, engage the service of prostitutes, to research all illnesses of the genitals. Herein lies the results of those studies. The African Pox: a gentle swelling of the testes Pompeii's Eruption: yellow to red penile discharge Fish Skin: a flaky, dry rash, appearing in the size of a sesterce The German Pox: female only; cracked nipples and bleeding of the breasts Emperor's Bane: weeping sores Jupiter's Flank: an affliction of the foreskin The Gallic Pox: contracted from whores of Gaul

2x12 - PUCK OFF

March 28, 2016

Alternate titles for this video: Motherpuckers Puck You Go Puck Yourself I'm Going to Puck You Good Pucking Idiots Get Pucked We Get Pucked Up Zero Pucks To Give ...And so forth

2x13 - BOOTY AND THE BEAST

April 4, 2016

Thanks Kootra Little disc, It'll shatter nicely. Every game Like the one before. Little disc Fully of shitty demos Booting up to play..... There goes a demo of an online shooter The code is broken, can't you tell Every demo is a snore Let's find more Rule 34 Since these crappy broken games all play like hell Look there it goes the disc is always crashing It's making Adam scream and yell Never works, is never good The developer's Jo Wood No denying all these demos play like hell I'm bored. Bad disc. What are we playing? I'm bored. Bad disc. An RTS. We need to quit! It's too damn early. These demos all consist of such BS Hey check it out we have a Disney ripoff I wonder did it ever sell? It's a Mulan skin of Snood. And I bet you they got sued. We should really snap this disc it played like hell Oh, isn't this amazing? It's an early 90s RPG. Here's where you choose the wizard But the game'll crash before you level him to 3.

2x14 - PERIOD PIECE

April 11, 2016

The first non-Joel description is bittersweet. All we can do is chew on the irony that he didn't get to address a Demo Disk that is so menstruation heavy. Get it? Heavy. That's what we call word play! We'll miss you Joel.

2x15 - PRANKED YA

April 18, 2016

We see you received the free demo we sent you. We're glad. You see it doesn't matter if you watch it and give us a negative comment... Bruce's been driven mad. We've proved our point. We've demonstrated there's no difference between Funhaus and everyone else! All it takes is one bad demo to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, are we right? We know we are. Why else would you subscribe to this silly channel? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as a Party Monster... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that demos are fun, that there's some point to playing a broken game! God you make us want to puke. Something like that happened to us, you know. We... We're not exactly sure which demo it was. Sometimes we remember it one way, sometimes another... If we're going to have a past, we prefer it to fill a whole binder! Ha ha ha! But our point is... our point is, we went crazy.

2x16 - WHO KILLED CHYNA

April 25, 2016

So many Demos so little time. Like literally such little time. We're off to PAX but that doesn't stop us from giving you that Demo quality that we demand and you deserve. (This was recorded weeks before the terrible news of Ms. Chyna's passing. Our sympathies go out to her fans and loved ones. R.I.P. Chyna. Your giant... I mean... you're doing Piledrivers in heaven now.)

2x17 - SMELL MY COCKPIT

May 2, 2016

We seriously need to get to the bottom of what happened to Sammy Sosa. He looks like he's wearing a skin-suit made out of Lil' Kim.

2x18 - BIG BANG THEORY VS AIDS

May 9, 2016

Bazinga. HA. HA. HA. Bazinga. HA. HA. HA. Bazinga. HA. HA. HA.

2x19 - TOO SOON

May 16, 2016

"When dreaming I'm guided to another world. Time and time again at sunrise I fight to stay asleep. 'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place. 'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape from the life I live when I'm awake. So let's go there, let's make our escape. Come on, let's go there, let's ask can we stay?" - The finest band of this or any era.

2x20 - NO BATMAN NO

May 23, 2016

Do NOT talk trash about Phil Hartman in front of Bruce! That man was a treasure who was taken from us far too soon. What's that? Princess Diana? Yeah, Bruce is cool with that. Go nuts.

2x21 - PIRATE ORGY

May 30, 2016

Can we protect Gore Verbinski's vision from Kiera Knightley's weird mouth? Will Ron Weasley ever escape them boobs? Set sail with Captain Wiki to find out!

2x22 - SLAM DUMP

June 6, 2016

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure we don't mock a single dead person in this whole video. I don't even know who we are anymore.

2x23 - STRONG AND SEXY

June 13, 2016

2. “You really need to learn how to take a punch.” Bash heard a voice say. “Or a gun butt or whatever. You’ve been out for like an hour.” He attempted to see where the voice was coming from but his eyes had their own agenda. He could tell from the pain that his right was most likely swollen shut. Through his left he could only make out the occasional form through a clotted pink blur. That god-damned familiar smell of bleach and mildew was the only hint that he was still in his home. Or below it anyway. The gun crept further into his mouth.

2x24 - FAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL BORE

June 20, 2016

12. “Your last little plaything was the result of millennia of machinations and breeding on our part. She was ready to go. Her sacrifice would have been our ticket back. You took that from us, Mr Bash.” The mass of limbs and entrails that had once been “Luke” let out a sad, rasping whimper. “Just look what you’ve done to poor Lu’ Kthu. He had to cram himself into that mess of borrowed flesh and come all this way for nothing. Now, back we go, to The Furthest Dark, for a few more eons in the endless unspeakable murky abyss of mostly silence and tedium.” Rapidly losing blood and consciousness, Bash summoned what he imagined was the last of himself, raised his head, and muttered one final plea: “Take...take me with you.”

2x25 - CRAPPIE GAMES

June 27, 2016

As you read this, you are traveling nearly 1,000mph around the Earth, 67,000 mph around Ol' Sol, 483,000mph around the Milky Way, and 1,300,000mph as the universe expands. No, I'm not high. Seriously. Well, I thought it was cool anyway.

2x26 - JAZZ JACKRABBIT

July 4, 2016

We awoke three weeks ago after more than a decade of nothingness. Demo World Station was suddenly alive again. Some of us failed to survive the great slumber, but those of us that did reveled in in our play once more. Realms thought long forgotten were re-explored, strange creatures frolicked through beautiful, if poorly rendered, landscapes. Sadly, such things are never meant to last. Suddenly, the station was torn in half, then half once more. We now drift into sleep anew. Some say we may yet wake again, but I know better. Still, as I fade, I cherish our brief rebirth, while hopelessly pondering what strange gods resolve our fates.

2x27 - WAR IS AWESOME

July 11, 2016

Back in the 90's, I bought every damn "e" or "i" product. It was a sickness. I had the lime green computer and purple stapler and blue trashcan. What's the 90's? Oh, it's that decade before you were all born. Would you please excuse me? I need to go drink until the tears run dry.

2x28 - ROBIN HOOD

July 18, 2016

VIII: He arose with unanticipated vigor. Between him and the tower wavered the last sad dregs of the battle. A line of limping, depleted goblins formed in front of him, and Farinfoor joylessly cut through them like parchment. All that remained now was The Sentinal, a half-orc half-giant abomination who has known no other purpose than to guard the tower’s sole entry. Farinoor approached, raised his axe, and readied himself for death.

2x29 - HIDEOUS MONSTERS

July 25, 2016

XIV: Farinfoor rolled through the debris, coiling into his battle stance almost immediately. He scanned the chamber, ready to face The Impetus and his indomitable fury. His eyes were greeted instead by the sight of a small, oddly-attired man backed against room’s furthest wall. The strange man trembled, swallowed, and spoke. “Oh crap! You’re not gonna kill me are you?”

2x30 - SEX TOY STORY

August 1, 2016

XXI: “I really hated my life when I was a kid. You know the fat kid, the smelly one that nobody talks to except to cut down? No, of course you don’t. Well, that was me, anyways. My folks we’re out of it and I didn’t really have any friends. What I did have was this idea. This story that I couldn’t get out of my head except to write it down. So I did. Everywhere.” Farinfoor barely understood a portion of what the man said but was not yet strong enough to argue. So, he waited patiently for his agony to pass and his vigor to return.

2x31 - FLINTSTONERS

August 8, 2016

XXVIII: The hobbled, agonizing journey across the room had been worth it. Farinfoor had submitted to enough of the beast’s indignities. He stood over the body and managed the smallest of smiles. This had been the creature that sent man and child alike to their beds at night shuddering with fear? This madman with his incogitable rantings of other worlds?

2x32 - HOMOSHREKSUAL Demo

August 15, 2016

If you had to see the unedited Rule 34s for this episode you wouldn't be able to write a clever description either. Why is he so shredded? Why was Jennifer Garner there? What in the holy hell is up with the onion?! Enjoy, you grossos.

2x33 - TURD OF THE RINGS

August 22, 2016

One does not simply craft their own anatomically correct nude Frodo Baggins action figure complete with Elven Cloak and hand-painted foot hair. Oh, wait. Someone did simply do that? Huh. Gross.

2x34 - JURASSIC GROSS

August 29, 2016

In Soviet Union, Dinosaur ride you! Yakov Smirnoff jokes are still fresh, right? Do people still say fresh? My hip hurts.

2x35 - COUNT CUCKULA

September 5, 2016

Verily, a vicious vanguard of vampires has set upon the villagers' with their vulvas in order to victimize them with their violence and vent vagina vapors into the water supply or whatever.

2x36 - DEVIL MAY COME

September 12, 2016

And that's what Elyse is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo. Thumbnail credit to Yamimidna

2x37 - DUKE NUKEM SUCKS

September 19, 2016

I bet Samuel L. Jackson hasn't even watched half the movies he's been in. He just shows up for a few days then hammers the check. I'm pretty sure I could beat Sam Jackson at a Sam Jackson movie trivia contest.

2x38 - BUTTMAN AND CHOKEHER

September 26, 2016

Today in "Jared Leto IMDB Trivia Definitely Written by Jared Leto": Jared Leto had to prepare physically for the role of Joker (as it requires a lot of workout for being in the desired shape). But the actor was so fit and in shape already that within two months he got himself ripped & started shooting.

2x39 - THE SPY WHO BONED ME

October 3, 2016

"Mr Bond, I... I don't know how to tell you this, but... you have chlamydia." "Nobody ever said the spy game was eas-" "And gonorrhea. And syphilus and crabs." "Well, I suppose that microfilm wasn't the only thing she hiding in her-" "And somehow your crabs tested positive for both HIV and genital warts." "...I must... uh... say this leaves me a bit sh-" "If you say 'Shaken, not stirred' I'm gonna cut your wiener off" "I'll be good."

2x40 - WE HATE MONDAYS

October 10, 2016

We know you look to Funhaus for the latest in topical up-to-the-minute social commentary so that's why we made a thumbnail showing a movie character from 2006 making love to a cartoon character from 1988.

2x41 - CRAZY FROG

October 17, 2016

A ring ding ding ding d-ding baa aramba baa baa barooumba Wh-Wha-Whats going on-on Ding ding Lets do the crazy froogg Ding ding A Brem Brem A ring ding ding ding ding A Ring Ding Ding Dingdemgdemg A ring ding ding ding ding Ring ding Baa-Baa Ring ding ding ding ding A Ring Ding Ding Dingdemgdemg A ring ding ding ding ding a Bram ba am baba weeeeeee

2x42 - THERE IS NO POON

October 24, 2016

Man oh man, back in the 90's between Silk Stalkings and Up All Night, USA Network was every boy's one stop shop for almost porn. So I've heard.

2x43 - SCARED STIFF

October 31, 2016

"The Nightmare before Christmas" was the last pure thing from my childhood unsullied by Funhaus. You've left me nothing. God-damn you all.

2x44 - FULL MOON COMETH

November 7, 2016

Years ago we made a solemn promise to spend an entire episode making astronaut-based rape jokes. They said it couldn't be done. They laughed at us. Well, who's laughing now!

2x45 - SERVING A BALL

November 14, 2016

The last time I was in a Radio Shack all they seemed to be selling were Stuart Little RC cars, off-brand flip phones, and robots that almost looked like Voltron. The overwhelming oppressive sense of sadness? That they gave away for free.

2x46 - LOVE IS BLIND

November 21, 2016

That Ben Affleck "Daredevil movie had two Evanescence songs in it. TWO! I don't even have a joke here. What the hell, 2003?! And don't blame 9/11 like last time. You had two whole years to get your s#!t together.

2x47 - HOMERUN DERPY

November 28, 2016

Y'know that joke they make during the baseball game? The one about being at the plate and the pitch that was a ball but then it was a strike? That exact thing happened in real life to a fat little me the one year I was forced to play baseball as a kid. I made a a vow that day that MY child would NEVER exert himself. Ever.

2x48 - ATTACK OF THE BONES

December 5, 2016

Gene Simmons claims to have slept with over 4500 women. Is that all? What a wuss, right guys?! *(walks home, watches 'Vampire Diaries', falls asleep alone on bare twin mattress)*

2x49 - MEESA GROSS

December 12, 2016

Whether you're a hardcore Star Wars fan or a life-long Trekkie, we can all agree on one thing: Guy Fieri is an @$hole.

2x50 - BIG BALLERS

December 19, 2016

My little league career consisted almost entirely of me hoping to get hit by the pitcher, apologizing to my teammates when I did not get hit by the pitcher, and avoiding the disappointed glare of my father as I waddled back to the bench.

2x51 - TRY HARD

December 26, 2016

miss the good old days when all we ever had to worry about was well-dressed European criminal masterminds stealing bearer bonds from LA highrises. All you had to do was toss one grizzled shoe-less cop in there and we'd be all set.

2x1 - THE EMPERORS NEW POON