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BORG BITS
Funhaus - Demo Disk - S3 - E3
A cold, emotionless women who demands obedience and obliterates any shred of will and individuality? Sounds like my wife. Aaghaaahahahahahahahaaaaa! Oh man, that's good. Hit it out of the god-damn park that time. Wait'll I tell the fellas down at the lodge.
Funhaus - Demo Disk: Season 3 - 50 Episode s
3x1 - AMAZING FAIRIES
January 2, 2017
Immediately after watching "Queen of the Damned" back in '02 I rushed to the Circuit City to buy the alt-goth soundtrack. I listened to it for days. What I'm trying to say is that I was really cool, and had a ton of friends, and girls for sure let me touch their boobs like all the time.
3x2 - VAMPIRES vs JETS
January 9, 2017
Y'know, I've been silent long enough. Some things simply need to be said and so be it if I'm the only one with the balls to step up: Kate Beckinsale is quite pretty. BOOM! Come at me, Internet!
3x3 - BORG BITS
January 16, 2017
A cold, emotionless women who demands obedience and obliterates any shred of will and individuality? Sounds like my wife. Aaghaaahahahahahahahaaaaa! Oh man, that's good. Hit it out of the god-damn park that time. Wait'll I tell the fellas down at the lodge.
3x4 - WHAT A LIGHTSABER
January 23, 2017
Has anyone else noticed that in "A New Hope" everyone on Tatooine wears some kind of weird tribal desert karate robe but Aunt Beru is just dressed like a 1970's bank teller?
3x5 - MONSTER TRUMP
January 30, 2017
If Trump could get his handsies on some of this Rule 34, perhaps he'd open his eyes to the artistic talents that populate this country. Imagine the points he could score with the artsie folks if he plopped a saucy fellatio scene on the Oval Office wall.
3x6 - FINDING DORY
February 6, 2017
Rest assured, I'd give Dory a night she'd never forget. Will you excuse me for a moment? *(stands up, calmly pushes in chair, walks out of production trailer, pays homeless man to bludgeon him with a rusted pipe)*
3x7 - LEGO MY BLOCK
February 13, 2017
In the gameplay video system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups -- the personalities who play the games, and the incredibly hard-working, kind, handsome, surprisingly well-endowed, and sexually attentive production staff who edit the content. These are their stories.
3x8 - HOT SAFARI
February 20, 2017
Y'know, it's funny. I always thought that by this age I would own a house, have a few little ones running around, and maybe a have job that didn't involve looking at cartoons of anthropomorphized animals banging each other. Study hard, kids.
3x9 - THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE HORNY
February 27, 2017
With a very sharp knife, split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each testicle. Remove the skin (you can remove the skin easily if the testicles are frozen, then peel while thawing). Either leave whole or slice each testicle into approximately 1/4- to 1/2-inch-thick ovals. Place slices in a large pan or blow with enough beer to cover them; cover and let sit 2 hours. In a shallow bowl, combine eggs, flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper. Remove testicles from beer; drain and dredge thoroughly in the flour mixture. In a large, deep pot, heat oil to 375 degrees F. Deep fry 3 minutes or until golden brown (will rise to the surface when done). Drain on paper towels. Serve warm with your favorite hot pepper sauce.
3x10 - SLOW MO GIRLS
March 6, 2017
Please send all of your XBox 360 OXM points to Funhaus, c/o [email protected]
3x11 - WORLD AT WAR
March 13, 2017
Michael Ironside has beat two different types of cancer on two non-consecutive occasions. I guess we can give him a pass on Lake Placid 3 and Jett Jackson: The Movie. But that's it.
3x12 - SADLIFE 2
March 27, 2017
"Okay Bing... where is the nearest pizza place?... Bing?... Bing, where is the nearest pizza place? Bing?! Bing, are you alright?! Bing! Why won't you answer me? Everybody, please, there's something wrong with Bing! Honey, quick, check on all of our Zunes!
3x13 - THE DEEP WEB
April 3, 2017
Sick flow, Elyse! Not since Len conquered the summer of 1999 with their infectious hit "Steal My Sunshine" has a white, middle-class, Canadian rapper appropriated African-American culture so shamelessly. Beats
3x14 - BLUE DRAGONBALL
April 10, 2017
Piercing the shining clouds, I fly away (fly away), While a panorama spreads through my body. Kicked in the face, the Earth gets angry (gets angry), And makes a volcano explode! Within the melted polar ice, If there’s a dinosaur, I want to train it to balance on a ball! CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA No matter what happens, I feel like it’s no big deal! CHA-LA HEAD CHA-LA Just as loudly as my heart pounds, The Genki-Dama roars...Sparking!
3x15 - BATTLE FOR LAST PLACE
April 17, 2017
"Billy Hatcher has a unique style of gameplay revolving around rolling large eggs. The player controls the hero, Billy, who cannot do much by himself aside from moving and jumping." When you get a voice-acting part in a kick-started nostalgia-machine, be a less lame character than Billy Hatcher.
3x16 - HOT AND DARK
April 24, 2017
Faith No More seamlessly combined the genres of rap and rock, paving the way for such influential bands as Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Legz Diamond, Lorp Puritz, Lizzle Skiz, Mads Mikkelsen, and probably some other awful piles of garbage.
3x17 - ILLEGAL ALIEN
May 1, 2017
I was looking up facts about Jamie Kennedy in order to better mock him in this description and then I saw his net worth so now I'm just gonna shut my stupid poor mouth and go back to my one bedroom apartment next to the homeless encampment.
3x18 - HAIR DOWN THERE
May 8, 2017
Hey baby, you're looking real sexy tonight. Bet you'd look a whole lot sexier crumpled up on my bedroom floor. Wait! Sorry. That came out weird. What I meant was that I'd be most attracted to you once you've lost consciousness and collapsed into an uncomfortable pile on my floor. Say. Sweet taser you've got there.
3x19 - IRON MAN LOVE
May 15, 2017
Really, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2?! Multiple god-damned Stan Lee cameos? Still? Why are you acting this way? I thought we were friends.
3x20 - RED ROCKET
May 22, 2017
I'm in no position to tell anyone how to do their job, but I think it might be really nice to have one episode of Demo Disk where James doesn't threaten to blow up an airport.
3x21 - LOW BLOW
May 29, 2017
A lot of people think it's silly that Mike Tyson get's to star in all these movies and cartoons and one man shows. "He's just a washed up boxer." they say. Not true. He's also a serial wife-beater and convicted rapist.
3x22 - GOTTA GO FAST
June 5, 2017
"Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li" would have been a better film if every part had been played by Raul Julia's corpse. I'm sorry. That was crass and insensitive. Raul Julia's corpse would never have lowered itself to appear in that piece of s*** movie.
3x23 - FIST AND FURIOUS
June 12, 2017
You just know that right now, somewhere in Hollywood, Paul Walker's brother is standing outside Vin Diesel's house with mo-cap dots drawn all over his face screaming his ideas for the next 3 Fast and Furious movies at a closed window.
3x24 - CALL OF BOOTY
June 19, 2017
Make fun of that movie all you want, but if Morgan Freeman and peak Angelina Jolie came up to you and asked you to kill some dude because a loom said so, you'd probably do it too.
3x25 - BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
June 26, 2017
It has to stop. Jon will just keep making these disk demolitions more elaborate and dangerous until somebody gets seriously hurt. Is there no limit to your collective bloodlust? Shame on all of you.
3x26 - SKID MARKS
July 3, 2017
"Alright Mr. Cruise, your Top Gun sequel has been green-lit! Production starts later this year." "Great! We're gonna need to crank out some hits for the soundtrack. Bring me the corpse of Kenny Loggins!" "... Uh... Kenny Loggins is still alive, sir." "You heard me."
3x27 - PECS MEN
July 10, 2017
"I hope this beautiful chest day is treating you well, and that you are all going to be blessed with a chest pump that even Arnold would be envious of. If you don’t have a chest day routine that you’re getting ready to crush in the gym this evening, then I’ve got your back. I wrote up a sick chest routine specifically designed to cause serious pain, and as a result, serious growth. Where most bros fuck up though is they depend far too much on the barbell bench, and pressing movements in general. When it comes to building an aesthetic chest, building your upper pecs is one of the biggest keys there is. A developed upper chest can lift your pecs, make them show more in a v-neck, and gives a more well rounded look." I love that these people exist.
3x28 - WE GET SUED
July 17, 2017
Disclaimer: Please do not attempt any of the disk-breaking stunts you see on this program. Also, no matter what James tells you, shocks from a stun-gun do not actually make you stronger. And please, for the love of god, DO NOT under any circumstances eat one of Jon's fannypack sandwiches.
3x29 - ERECTILE DESTRUCTION
July 24, 2017
Erectile dysfunction is no big deal. It happens to every man on occasion. Sure, sometimes more than that. Well, I wouldn't say "usually". More often than not. Maybe, nearly, almost every time. Fine. Every time. But I haven't heard any complaints yet. Well, maybe a few...
3x30 - DIRTY DANCING
July 31, 2017
They'll let celebrities get away with anything as long as they can dance. Chris Brown beat the holy christ of Rihanna, Michael Jackson got to diddle all those kids, and they barely bat an eye when Channing Tatum torched that hospital full of war orphans.
3x31 - SPACE JAMMED
August 7, 2017
I took a trip to the official Warner Bros Space Jam website for some description material. I clicked on a green planet labelled "Jump Station" and found this actual message: "Well, we've got no idea how you got here, but you've discovered a now-empty page of information. Congratulations. Now please go somewhere else. Thank you." You're welcome, Space Jam. You're welcome.
3x32 - SEE MEN SOLVE CRIME
August 14, 2017
"The housewife was found in the doghouse, strangled with a leash, with Beggin' Strips shoved into every hole. I guess you could say she liked it a little too..." *(puts on sunglasses)* "... harsh." "YEEAAAA-wait what?"
3x33 - FRENCH TICKLERS
August 21, 2017
Good morning. I apologize. I couldn't think of anything ingenious to write for this description. Instead of a clever little joke, I included a speech from one of my favorite movies. Have fun. "Don't you realize? The next time you see the sky, it will be over another city. The next time you take a test, it will be at another school. Our parents, they want the best things for us .But now they have to do what's right for them. Because it's their time! Down here, it's our time. We're lifting Troy's bucket."
3x34 - LEMUR DOUBLE TEAMER
August 28, 2017
Be sure to stay tuned until the end of the episode to see some nipples. Big, juicy, perfectly pink nipples. Old, hairy, suspiciously male nipples. Yes, they're Jon's.
3x35 - HOLE CALIBUR
September 4, 2017
Listen, we didn't have the internet when we were young. If you couldn't find a soggy old magazine in the woods, sometimes the best a growing boy could hope for was a peak of butt crack in a video game's intro scene. Don't you dare judge us!
3x36 - TIGERS WOOD
September 11, 2017
Professions that get you laid the most (in order): 1. Being Tiger Woods. 2. Motorcross bro. 3. NHL player. 4. International DDR Champion. 5. Every other job. Last. YouTube comedy channel uploader.
3x37 - WET AND FURRY
September 18, 2017
"Thanks for seeing me, Doc. I've been having some seriously painful digestive problems lately." "Hhhm. That can be that can be the result of a variety of issues. Tell me, Jon, have you made any unusual changes to your diet lately?" "... Define unusual."
3x38 - THE SLOW MO GUYS
September 25, 2017
If you are one of our more tender viewers who found this video a little too racist, please bear in mind that we film for an hour. Just imagine what we cut out. Lets just say it involved a lot scotch tape on Bruce's eyelids and leave it at that.
3x39 - MECH ME WET
October 2, 2017
You'd all better god-damned appreciate the hell out of "Mothers Be Aware" when the boys finally unlock it. Editing these is taking its toll on poor Daniel. He doesn't eat. He doesn't sleep. The other morning I came into the bungalow and found him standing in the corner like the end of The Blair Witch Project.
3x40 - BOBSLED CREAM
October 9, 2017
Cool runnings came out in 1993. I came out in 1991. In case you're wondering if I'm Bones or not, it's up to you to learn the truth.
3x41 - CREAM ON
October 16, 2017
Fun Movie Trivia Time! Q: For how many consecutive hours did the producers of "Mrs Doubtfire" beat each other off after they came up with the idea to put "Dude Looks Like a Lady" on the soundtrack? A: Trick question! They're still rubbing each other ragged to this day.
3x42 - TIGHT END
October 30, 2017
You guys have heard of the "Madden Curse" right? Where almost every player to appear on the box art for the game gets injured and benched the following season. It's kinda scary, but not nearly as scary as the other Madden curse: adult onset diabetes.
3x43 - PERFECT DORK
November 6, 2017
Best look out, Tom Hanks' other son! There's some new, even whiter rappers on the scene! Wheezy E and Not So Lil Jon are gonna spit the dopest rhy- oh Jesus I can't do this. I feel like I'm typing in blackface. Music track for Demo Diss: Judgement Day by The Thunderclaps on Ejectorseat Records.
3x44 - SK8ER BOI
November 13, 2017
Oh man, I'd really like to make fun of that singer from Static-X but in the early 2000s I was only about three inches of spikes and 4 STDs away from being that guy.
3x45 - KING DONG
November 20, 2017
INT - MTV OFFICES 1992 "Alright gentlemen, I hear there's a pubescent kid in Southern California named Bones who's just starting to figure out his sexuality. What can we do to reeeaaaally throw a wrench in those works?" And so, Aeon Flux was born.
3x46 - PIXIE LICKS
November 27, 2017
Ugh boy. The guys picked the exact wrong time to play a game where the main focus of the commentary is the boob-physics of a scantily-clad, child-like pixie. Oh well, we had a good run. See you in the unemployment line, everybody!
3x47 - MAKE HER QUAKE
December 4, 2017
Hey, nerds. You know how Lovecraft does that thing where he cheats and says that things are so horrific that they can't be described in words? Right after I did a quality check on this video, Daniel called me over to look at the Rule 34 "art" that was too offensive to show. I get it now. Cut out my eyes and bring on the inky eldritch blackness!
3x48 - GET SHREDDED
December 11, 2017
"Hey, Bones! We really need a description for that Demo Disk where we look at Ninja Turtle stuff!" "Alright, alright! Give me a sec! Hmmm... turtles... turtles..." *(googles actual turtle penises, calls mom crying, pours hot sand into eyes)*
3x49 - DRIPPING-WITH-BUUT
December 18, 2017
Sorry I don't have anything clever for you today. I asked the interns to explain Dragonball Z to me so I could write this description but I couldn't hear their response over the sound of every vagina in Culver City drying out simultaneously.
3x50 - WEDDED-AND-BEDDED
December 25, 2017
After the reception Jon and the disk scampered off while the rest of the Funhaus gang stood with bated breath until the sheet covered in Jon's blood was hung ceremoniously out of the bedroom window.