11x1 - Al Franken, Grant Paulsen

September 1, 2003

Dave chats with Stephanie about a (supposed) incident that occurred over the weekend; Alan makes a suggestive offer to Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao; Al Franken promotes his new book.

11x3 - Gen. Tommy Franks, Rodney Crowell

September 3, 2003

Biff searches for celebrities on the street; recently retired General Tommy Franks looks back at his illustrious military career.

11x4 - Nicolas Cage, Alton Brown

September 4, 2003

"CBS Mailbag," including Stephanie dressed as Batman, "CBS Vice President of Late Night Programming Vinnie Favale," and "George W. Bush" (Gerard).

11x5 - Whoopi Goldberg, Vic Henley, Ima Robot

September 5, 2003

Paul's "Stump the Band" losing streak continues; Whoopi Goldberg promotes her new sitcom.

11x6 - Andy Roddick, Jack Black, Warren Zevon*

September 8, 2003

Dave welcomes 2003 U.S. Open Men's Tennis Champion Andy Roddick and actor Jack Black. Dave remembers the late Warren Zevon with the Show #1895 tape of Warren singing "Mutineer" on October 30, 2002; Paul and the band play Warren Zevon bumper music throughout the show.

11x7 - Salma Hayek, Chris Elliott

September 9, 2003

Rick Derringer sits in with the band; a woman from Staten Island participates in "May We See Your Digital Photos, Please?"; Chris Elliott comments on current events.

11x8 - Sharon Stone, The Raveonettes

September 10, 2003

An opera singer performs in the hallway; the recently deceased Charles Bronson declares his candidacy for Governor of California; Dave and Sharon Stone make out.

11x9 - Regis Philbin, Seal

September 11, 2003

Steph/Monty dresses up as Don Mattingly for CBS Mailbag; she closes the segment by playing catch with Dave.

11x10 - Cuba Gooding Jr., Simon & Garfunkel

September 12, 2003

Dave has a major announcement to make; Cuba Gooding, Jr. promotes The Fighting Temptations; Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel sing "America" and "The Boxer."

11x11 - Dr. Phil, David Bowie

September 22, 2003

Miss America 2004 Ericka Dunlap presents the Top Ten List; Dave tells the story of his weekend encounter with a bear at his house in Montana; Dr. Phil gives Dave some parenting tips.

11x12 - Ben Stiller, Elvis Costello

September 23, 2003

Ben Stiller talks about his new movie, Duplex; Elvis Costello performs a song from his new CD, North.

11x13 - The Rock, Lynne Cheney

September 24, 2003

Cold opening: The Rock shows Lynne Cheney how to apply a "chicken wing" to Paul; New York Giants kicker Matt Bryant attempts rooftop field goals across 53rd Street.

11x14 - Colin Powell, Jennifer Garner

September 25, 2003

11x15 - Joe Pantaliano, Kevin Nealon, Outkast

September 26, 2003

Stephanie is Peter Pan for "CBS Mailbag;" "Joey Pants" promotes "The Handler;" Kevin Nealon; Outkast sings "Hey Ya."

11x16 - Denzel Washington, New York Philharmonic

September 29, 2003

Paul asks "Survivor 7" castaway Ryan "Skinny" Shoulders (who is wearing a Rage Against The Machine t-shirt) if he digs Audioslave; Denzel Washington promotes Out of Time; The New York Philharmonic performs "The Marriage of Figaro" atop the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theatre building.

11x17 - Tom Cavanagh, Ray Wald, Dido

September 30, 2003

It's time for "How Many Guys in Gorilla Suits Can Fit Into a Eyeglass Store?" Quote Dave: "I was going to buy a pair of eyeglasses, but the optical store was full of gorillas."

11x18 - Tim Robbins, Sting

October 1, 2003

The latest role call reveals that Michele O'Callaghan's five-month-old daughter (named "Zoogie") picks Dave's ties; Dave and Paul are dumbfounded by a pitching machine in a new game called "What Is It?"; Tim Robbins plugs "Mystic River"; Pat Farmer destroys the pitching machine.

11x19 - Stupid Human Tricks, Lisa Kudrow, R.E.M.

October 2, 2003

Steph/Monty dresses as a letter carrier for "Know Your Current Events;" R.E.M. performs "Bad Day."

11x20 - Robin Williams, Summerwind Skippers

October 3, 2003

During CBS Mailbag, Alan dresses up as Saddam Hussein for his new hidden-camera show "Goof'd!" and gets beat up by several people on the street. Later, Robin Williams comments on the Tour de France.

11x21 - Jessica Simpson, Rufus Wainwright

October 6, 2003

Jessica Simpson mentions that she was on Oprah recently, much to Dave's chagrin; fill-in bandleader Todd Rundgren sings "Hello It's Me;" Pat Farmer drops 20,000 ping-pong balls from the roof.

11x22 - Uma Thurman, Ricky Gervais, Renee Fleming

October 7, 2003

11x23 - Amy Sedaris, Tom Dreesen, Anthony Hamilton

October 8, 2003

Dave calls ousted California governor Gray Davis "a wanker;" Gary Coleman presents the Top Ten via satellite, then falls asleep; Tom Dressen talks baseball.

11x24 - George Clooney, Merle Haggard

October 9, 2003

A man from Charlotte, North Carolina plays "Know Your 2003 Boston Red Sox;" ten Hooters Girls present the Top Ten; George Clooney plugs Intolerable Cruelty.

11x25 - Charlie Sheen, John Mayer

October 10, 2003

During CBS Mailbag, Alan has an awkward reunion with the first girl that ever kissed him, and "Ah-nuld" (Gerard) has an enlightened conversation with Dave. Later, Charlie Sheen promotes "Two and a Half Men."

11x26 - Halle Berry, Lance Armstrong

October 13, 2003

Pat Farmer and an army of stagehands throws a special form of confetti off the roof of the theater; Steph/Monty tells "Survivor 7" loser Burton Roberts an alleged story about a woodpecker nipping her in the butt last weekend; Halle Berry brags that Robert Downey Jr. once broke her arm.

11x27 - John Cusack, Scott Dixon, Hot Hot Heat

October 14, 2003

For the first time in several years, famed saxophonist David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave announces he's going to rehab, then demands to have some Dunkin' Donuts; John Cusack promotes Runaway Jury; 2003 Indy Car champion Scott Dixon.

11x28 - Katie Holmes, Brian Greene, Jonny Lang

October 15, 2003

Dave congratulates Conan O'Brien on his newborn daughter; ten weightlifters present the Top Ten; noted physics professor Brian Greene tries to explain the mysteries of the universe.

11x29 - Dustin Hoffman, Jamie Oliver

October 16, 2003

Ten US Soldiers in Iraq present the Top Ten via satellite; Dustin Hoffman plugs "The Runaway Jury," British chef Jamie Oliver cooks some scallops.

11x30 - Darrell Hammond, Radiohead

October 17, 2003

For CBS Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up as a soccer player and kicks balls (poorly) into the audience. Later, Radiohead performs "2+2=5."

11x31 - Kiefer Sutherland, Emmylou Harris

October 27, 2003

Paul sneezes during the monologue; the band area is remodeled; Biff makes his annual report from the World Series; a 1,030-pound pumpkin explodes (via SFX) outside.

11x32 - Courteney Cox, Doris Roberts

October 28, 2003

Dave announces that he's been transferred to Chesterton, Indiana; on tonight's "Meet the Governor," a young Ah-nuld ogles an exotic dancer; Courtney Cox Arquette almost sings TLC's "Waterfalls;" after a one-day rain delay, a real pumpkin explodes.

11x33 - Keanu Reeves, Sue Johanson

October 29, 2003

Steph/Monty dresses up as an elf on a rare Wednesday CBS Mailbag; during Mailbag, Rupert takes part in his yearly tradition of watching the coleslaw change colors; Dave is so fascinated by Canadian "sexpert" Sue Johanson that he interviews her twice.

11x34 - Eric McCormack, Dante Hall

October 30, 2003

The Slapinski Brothers, world-class jugglers, interrupt the monologue; Dave points out that Rupert was on last night's episode of "Ed"; Dante Hall of the Kansas City Chiefs catches a football on 53rd Street.

11x35 - Pamela Anderson, Amanda Lollar, Bubba Sparxx

October 31, 2003

Amongst this year's "New Halloween Costumes": a George Foreman grill, the button on the remote control that you never use, and the "Queer Eye" fab five. Also, Rosie Perez delivers Paul's cape for his weekly, blues-induced breakdown.

11x36 - Ashley Judd, Richard Belzer, Sarah McLachlan

November 3, 2003

The 2003 NYC Marathon winners make their annual run through the studio; eliminated "Survivor 7" hopefuls Shawn Cohen (who was voted out) and Osten Taylor (the guy who quit the game) drop by Rupert's; Ashley Judd reminisces with Paul; comedian/conspiracy-theorist Richard "John Munch" Belzer visits; Sarah McLachlan performs solo at the piano; Alan moos like a cow.

11x37 - Regis Philbin, Amy Brenneman

November 4, 2003

Dave gives a recap of the events leading up to -- and including -- the birth yesterday of son Harry Joseph Letterman; "Indian Larry" performs motorcycle stunts on 53rd Street; Regis continues his string of appearances tied to memorable occasions; Amy Brennaman chats about the 100th episode of "Judging Amy."

11x38 - Will Ferrell, Jack McKeon, Lyle Lovett

November 5, 2003

During Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up a police officer, while Dave tries to make some sense out of "Liza Minnelli" (Gerard in fishnet stockings). Later, it is revealed that the winner of the "Guess the Name of Dave's Baby Contest" is Dave himself.

11x39 - Howard Stern, Iggy Pop with Sum 41

November 6, 2003

Amongst the "New Catalogs": Harry & David Pre-Owned Fruit, Victoria's Secret for Monkeys, and special edition of California Style in which all the models have been groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger; Howard Stern mentions to Dave that the impersonator that regularly calls into his show is a big fan and meant no harm; Iggy Pop featuring Sum 41 perform "Little Know It All."

11x40 - Lauren Graham, Paul Tracey, Wyclef Jean

November 7, 2003

An elf named Perry helps out during "Know Your Current Events"; Bert and Ernie (of "Sesame Street" fame) diss Dave; Lauren Graham talks about a recent parking ticket.

11x41 - Norm MacDonald, Jack Hannah

November 10, 2003

Dave announces that Oprah gave him a gift on behalf of the new baby, only to realize that it was delivered by somebody with the same name; throughout the night, weightlifter Willie Wessels demonstrates super-human feats out on 53rd Street; Norm McDonald plugs "A Minute with Stan Hooper."

11x42 - Madonna, Chris Elliot

November 11, 2003

Cold Opening: Dave compliments Madonna's latest children's book: "I like the picture of the monkey." Also, Chris Elliott introduces Dave's son Harry, who says his first words: "S***."

11x43 - Tom Brokaw, Dolly Parton

November 12, 2003

11x44 - Russell Crowe, Pink

November 13, 2003

A sheep herder walks into the theater with his flock along side him; Pink sings "Trouble."

11x45 - Jessica Lynch, Shelby Lynne

November 14, 2003

During "Know Your Current Events," a visiting audience member from Liverpool, England is quizzed on his knowledge of Prince Charles. Later, potential Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Al Franken delivers Paul's cape.

11x46 - Stupid Pet Tricks, Cate Blanchett

November 17, 2003

As part of his legendary "fashion show" gag, Dave models the lining of his sportcoat; Dave tells a story involving a mother and two sons trying to hitch a taxi this morning; a timeline of Ah-nuld's first day in office as Governor of California is nothing more than a recap of all those "Meet the Governor" clips.

11x47 - Dakota Fanning, Rocco DiSpirito, Cast of Wicked

November 18, 2003

An arm-wresting challenge is held at Hello Deli; child actress Dakota Fanning plugs "The Cat in the Hat."

11x48 - Alec Baldwin, Freddy Adu, Cyndi Lauper

November 19, 2003

11x49 - Wesley Clark

November 20, 2003

Ashrita "Mr. Versatility" Furman balances beer glasses on his chin on 53rd St.; eleven Playboy Playmates present the Top Ten; Dave grills General Wesley Clark about his dismissal from the Army.

11x50 - Robert Downey Jr., Joss Stone

November 21, 2003

Dave and Paul play "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"; Dave openly wishes that Paris Hilton had not cancelled her appearance on the show next week; Robert Downey Jr. makes his first appearance on the show since early 1996; 16-year-old singer-songwriter Joss Stone performs.

11x51 - Paul Newman, Clay Aiken

November 24, 2003

Biff spends a day on the campaign trail with Howard Dean; Gerard stands in for unavailable Survivor loser Rupert Boneham; Paul Newman discusses all things auto racing; Clay Aiken sings "Invisible" from his CD Measure Of A Man.

11x52 - Tom Ridge, Puddle of Mudd

November 25, 2003

Cold Opening: Tom Ridge finks on Michael Jackson. Also, Dave has yet another rant about Paris Hilton, claiming that she won't be on because a "no-good weasel, beady-eyed putz publicist" told her not to appear. "He's lower than pond scum," Dave observes, then later he calls him a nitwit and a knuckle-dragging neanderthal.