11x1 - Al Franken, Grant Paulsen

September 1, 2003

Dave chats with Stephanie about a (supposed) incident that occurred over the weekend; Alan makes a suggestive offer to Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao; Al Franken promotes his new book.

11x2 - Craig Kilborn, Dave Salmoni, Kings of Leon

September 2, 2003

Kings of Leon perform their breakthrough hit, "Molly's Chambers."

11x3 - Gen. Tommy Franks, Rodney Crowell

September 3, 2003

Biff searches for celebrities on the street; recently retired General Tommy Franks looks back at his illustrious military career.

11x4 - Nicolas Cage, Alton Brown

September 4, 2003

"CBS Mailbag," including Stephanie dressed as Batman, "CBS Vice President of Late Night Programming Vinnie Favale," and "George W. Bush" (Gerard).

11x5 - Whoopi Goldberg, Vic Henley, Ima Robot

September 5, 2003

Paul's "Stump the Band" losing streak continues; Whoopi Goldberg promotes her new sitcom.

11x6 - Andy Roddick, Jack Black, Warren Zevon*

September 8, 2003

Dave welcomes 2003 U.S. Open Men's Tennis Champion Andy Roddick and actor Jack Black. Dave remembers the late Warren Zevon with the Show #1895 tape of Warren singing "Mutineer" on October 30, 2002; Paul and the band play Warren Zevon bumper music throughout the show.

11x7 - Salma Hayek, Chris Elliott

September 9, 2003

Rick Derringer sits in with the band; a woman from Staten Island participates in "May We See Your Digital Photos, Please?"; Chris Elliott comments on current events.

11x8 - Sharon Stone, The Raveonettes

September 10, 2003

An opera singer performs in the hallway; the recently deceased Charles Bronson declares his candidacy for Governor of California; Dave and Sharon Stone make out.

11x9 - Regis Philbin, Seal

September 11, 2003

Steph/Monty dresses up as Don Mattingly for CBS Mailbag; she closes the segment by playing catch with Dave.

11x10 - Cuba Gooding Jr., Simon & Garfunkel

September 12, 2003

Dave has a major announcement to make; Cuba Gooding, Jr. promotes The Fighting Temptations; Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel sing "America" and "The Boxer."

11x11 - Dr. Phil, David Bowie

September 22, 2003

Miss America 2004 Ericka Dunlap presents the Top Ten List; Dave tells the story of his weekend encounter with a bear at his house in Montana; Dr. Phil gives Dave some parenting tips.

11x12 - Ben Stiller, Elvis Costello

September 23, 2003

Ben Stiller talks about his new movie, Duplex; Elvis Costello performs a song from his new CD, North.

11x13 - The Rock, Lynne Cheney

September 24, 2003

Cold opening: The Rock shows Lynne Cheney how to apply a "chicken wing" to Paul; New York Giants kicker Matt Bryant attempts rooftop field goals across 53rd Street.

11x14 - Colin Powell, Jennifer Garner

September 25, 2003

11x15 - Joe Pantaliano, Kevin Nealon, Outkast

September 26, 2003

Stephanie is Peter Pan for "CBS Mailbag;" "Joey Pants" promotes "The Handler;" Kevin Nealon; Outkast sings "Hey Ya."

11x16 - Denzel Washington, New York Philharmonic

September 29, 2003

Paul asks "Survivor 7" castaway Ryan "Skinny" Shoulders (who is wearing a Rage Against The Machine t-shirt) if he digs Audioslave; Denzel Washington promotes Out of Time; The New York Philharmonic performs "The Marriage of Figaro" atop the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theatre building.

11x17 - Tom Cavanagh, Ray Wald, Dido

September 30, 2003

It's time for "How Many Guys in Gorilla Suits Can Fit Into a Eyeglass Store?" Quote Dave: "I was going to buy a pair of eyeglasses, but the optical store was full of gorillas."

11x18 - Tim Robbins, Sting

October 1, 2003

The latest role call reveals that Michele O'Callaghan's five-month-old daughter (named "Zoogie") picks Dave's ties; Dave and Paul are dumbfounded by a pitching machine in a new game called "What Is It?"; Tim Robbins plugs "Mystic River"; Pat Farmer destroys the pitching machine.

11x19 - Stupid Human Tricks, Lisa Kudrow, R.E.M.

October 2, 2003

Steph/Monty dresses as a letter carrier for "Know Your Current Events;" R.E.M. performs "Bad Day."

11x20 - Robin Williams, Summerwind Skippers

October 3, 2003

During CBS Mailbag, Alan dresses up as Saddam Hussein for his new hidden-camera show "Goof'd!" and gets beat up by several people on the street. Later, Robin Williams comments on the Tour de France.

11x21 - Jessica Simpson, Rufus Wainwright

October 6, 2003

Jessica Simpson mentions that she was on Oprah recently, much to Dave's chagrin; fill-in bandleader Todd Rundgren sings "Hello It's Me;" Pat Farmer drops 20,000 ping-pong balls from the roof.

11x22 - Uma Thurman, Ricky Gervais, Renee Fleming

October 7, 2003

11x23 - Amy Sedaris, Tom Dreesen, Anthony Hamilton

October 8, 2003

Dave calls ousted California governor Gray Davis "a wanker;" Gary Coleman presents the Top Ten via satellite, then falls asleep; Tom Dressen talks baseball.

11x24 - George Clooney, Merle Haggard

October 9, 2003

A man from Charlotte, North Carolina plays "Know Your 2003 Boston Red Sox;" ten Hooters Girls present the Top Ten; George Clooney plugs Intolerable Cruelty.

11x25 - Charlie Sheen, John Mayer

October 10, 2003

During CBS Mailbag, Alan has an awkward reunion with the first girl that ever kissed him, and "Ah-nuld" (Gerard) has an enlightened conversation with Dave. Later, Charlie Sheen promotes "Two and a Half Men."

11x26 - Halle Berry, Lance Armstrong

October 13, 2003

Pat Farmer and an army of stagehands throws a special form of confetti off the roof of the theater; Steph/Monty tells "Survivor 7" loser Burton Roberts an alleged story about a woodpecker nipping her in the butt last weekend; Halle Berry brags that Robert Downey Jr. once broke her arm.

11x27 - John Cusack, Scott Dixon, Hot Hot Heat

October 14, 2003

For the first time in several years, famed saxophonist David Sanborn sits in with the band; Dave announces he's going to rehab, then demands to have some Dunkin' Donuts; John Cusack promotes Runaway Jury; 2003 Indy Car champion Scott Dixon.

11x28 - Katie Holmes, Brian Greene, Jonny Lang

October 15, 2003

Dave congratulates Conan O'Brien on his newborn daughter; ten weightlifters present the Top Ten; noted physics professor Brian Greene tries to explain the mysteries of the universe.

11x29 - Dustin Hoffman, Jamie Oliver

October 16, 2003

Ten US Soldiers in Iraq present the Top Ten via satellite; Dustin Hoffman plugs "The Runaway Jury," British chef Jamie Oliver cooks some scallops.

11x30 - Darrell Hammond, Radiohead

October 17, 2003

For CBS Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up as a soccer player and kicks balls (poorly) into the audience. Later, Radiohead performs "2+2=5."

11x31 - Kiefer Sutherland, Emmylou Harris

October 27, 2003

Paul sneezes during the monologue; the band area is remodeled; Biff makes his annual report from the World Series; a 1,030-pound pumpkin explodes (via SFX) outside.

11x32 - Courteney Cox, Doris Roberts

October 28, 2003

Dave announces that he's been transferred to Chesterton, Indiana; on tonight's "Meet the Governor," a young Ah-nuld ogles an exotic dancer; Courtney Cox Arquette almost sings TLC's "Waterfalls;" after a one-day rain delay, a real pumpkin explodes.

11x33 - Keanu Reeves, Sue Johanson

October 29, 2003

Steph/Monty dresses up as an elf on a rare Wednesday CBS Mailbag; during Mailbag, Rupert takes part in his yearly tradition of watching the coleslaw change colors; Dave is so fascinated by Canadian "sexpert" Sue Johanson that he interviews her twice.

11x34 - Eric McCormack, Dante Hall

October 30, 2003

The Slapinski Brothers, world-class jugglers, interrupt the monologue; Dave points out that Rupert was on last night's episode of "Ed"; Dante Hall of the Kansas City Chiefs catches a football on 53rd Street.

11x35 - Pamela Anderson, Amanda Lollar, Bubba Sparxx

October 31, 2003

Amongst this year's "New Halloween Costumes": a George Foreman grill, the button on the remote control that you never use, and the "Queer Eye" fab five. Also, Rosie Perez delivers Paul's cape for his weekly, blues-induced breakdown.

11x36 - Ashley Judd, Richard Belzer, Sarah McLachlan

November 3, 2003

The 2003 NYC Marathon winners make their annual run through the studio; eliminated "Survivor 7" hopefuls Shawn Cohen (who was voted out) and Osten Taylor (the guy who quit the game) drop by Rupert's; Ashley Judd reminisces with Paul; comedian/conspiracy-theorist Richard "John Munch" Belzer visits; Sarah McLachlan performs solo at the piano; Alan moos like a cow.

11x38 - Will Ferrell, Jack McKeon, Lyle Lovett

November 5, 2003

During Mailbag, Steph/Monty dresses up a police officer, while Dave tries to make some sense out of "Liza Minnelli" (Gerard in fishnet stockings). Later, it is revealed that the winner of the "Guess the Name of Dave's Baby Contest" is Dave himself.

11x39 - Howard Stern, Iggy Pop with Sum 41

November 6, 2003

Amongst the "New Catalogs": Harry & David Pre-Owned Fruit, Victoria's Secret for Monkeys, and special edition of California Style in which all the models have been groped by Arnold Schwarzenegger; Howard Stern mentions to Dave that the impersonator that regularly calls into his show is a big fan and meant no harm; Iggy Pop featuring Sum 41 perform "Little Know It All."

11x40 - Lauren Graham, Paul Tracey, Wyclef Jean

November 7, 2003

An elf named Perry helps out during "Know Your Current Events"; Bert and Ernie (of "Sesame Street" fame) diss Dave; Lauren Graham talks about a recent parking ticket.

11x41 - Norm MacDonald, Jack Hannah

November 10, 2003

Dave announces that Oprah gave him a gift on behalf of the new baby, only to realize that it was delivered by somebody with the same name; throughout the night, weightlifter Willie Wessels demonstrates super-human feats out on 53rd Street; Norm McDonald plugs "A Minute with Stan Hooper."

11x42 - Madonna, Chris Elliot

November 11, 2003

Cold Opening: Dave compliments Madonna's latest children's book: "I like the picture of the monkey." Also, Chris Elliott introduces Dave's son Harry, who says his first words: "S***."

11x43 - Tom Brokaw, Dolly Parton

November 12, 2003

11x44 - Russell Crowe, Pink

November 13, 2003

A sheep herder walks into the theater with his flock along side him; Pink sings "Trouble."

11x45 - Jessica Lynch, Shelby Lynne

November 14, 2003

During "Know Your Current Events," a visiting audience member from Liverpool, England is quizzed on his knowledge of Prince Charles. Later, potential Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Al Franken delivers Paul's cape.

11x46 - Stupid Pet Tricks, Cate Blanchett

November 17, 2003

As part of his legendary "fashion show" gag, Dave models the lining of his sportcoat; Dave tells a story involving a mother and two sons trying to hitch a taxi this morning; a timeline of Ah-nuld's first day in office as Governor of California is nothing more than a recap of all those "Meet the Governor" clips.

11x47 - Dakota Fanning, Rocco DiSpirito, Cast of Wicked

November 18, 2003

An arm-wresting challenge is held at Hello Deli; child actress Dakota Fanning plugs "The Cat in the Hat."

11x48 - Alec Baldwin, Freddy Adu, Cyndi Lauper

November 19, 2003

11x49 - Wesley Clark

November 20, 2003

Ashrita "Mr. Versatility" Furman balances beer glasses on his chin on 53rd St.; eleven Playboy Playmates present the Top Ten; Dave grills General Wesley Clark about his dismissal from the Army.

11x50 - Robert Downey Jr., Joss Stone

November 21, 2003

Dave and Paul play "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"; Dave openly wishes that Paris Hilton had not cancelled her appearance on the show next week; Robert Downey Jr. makes his first appearance on the show since early 1996; 16-year-old singer-songwriter Joss Stone performs.

11x51 - Paul Newman, Clay Aiken

November 24, 2003

Biff spends a day on the campaign trail with Howard Dean; Gerard stands in for unavailable Survivor loser Rupert Boneham; Paul Newman discusses all things auto racing; Clay Aiken sings "Invisible" from his CD Measure Of A Man.

11x52 - Tom Ridge, Puddle of Mudd

November 25, 2003

Cold Opening: Tom Ridge finks on Michael Jackson. Also, Dave has yet another rant about Paris Hilton, claiming that she won't be on because a "no-good weasel, beady-eyed putz publicist" told her not to appear. "He's lower than pond scum," Dave observes, then later he calls him a nitwit and a knuckle-dragging neanderthal.

11x53 - Mike Myers, Jay-Z

November 26, 2003

During Mailbag, Harold Larkin tries a new product, then, in honor of Thanksgiving, starts bleeding gravy; Mike Myers plugs The Cat in the Hat.

11x54 - Tom Arnold, Moby

November 27, 2003

Dorothy (live via satellite) brags about her five grandkids, ranging between 32 years and one month in age, and again stumps Dave with her apple and pecan Thanksgiving pies; Bill Delace presents "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From a Guy Dressed as a Pilgrim;" Tom Arnold plugs his book, "How I Lost Five Pounds In Six Years."

11x55 - Jessica Alba, Wendy Liebman, The Rapture

November 28, 2003

Felecia makes fun of Donny Osmond during "Stump The Band;" former "Dark Angel" star Jessica Alba plugs Honey; The Rapture performs "House of Jealous Lovers."

11x56 - Matt Damon, Jack Johnson and G. Love

December 8, 2003

Rupert is almost omnipresent in the first half of the show, presenting footage of his trip to the Meadowlands for last week's Jets-Titans game, then chats with ousted Survivor Christa Hastie. Also, Matt Damon tells a story about working with Cher in his new movie, Stuck On You.

11x57 - Danny DeVito, Tim Russert

December 9, 2003

Dave mentions that his son likes to suck his nose; Biff & staff decorate taxi cabs for Christmas; Danny DeVito plugs Big Fish.

11x58 - Amanda Peet, Barry Sonnenfeld

December 10, 2003

During Mailbag, the voices in Alan's head result in the horrific demise of his precious ceramic figure collection. Also, upon reading an article in Time about Oprah's refusal to have Dave on her show, he suggests a "Super Bowl of Love" with Dr. Phil reconciling the talk show hosts.

11x59 - Kirsten Dunst, Rod Stewart

December 11, 2003

11x60 - Julia Roberts, Alkaline Trio

December 12, 2003

Dave announces that he's been invited to appear on Oprah (at long, long last), while Julia Roberts interrogates Dave for his inability to marry the mother of his child.

11x61 - Liv Tyler, John Witherspoon, Alicia Keys

December 15, 2003

It's a Late Show mini-reunion as former Broadway merchants Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G. join Rupert in decorating the Late Show Christmas Tree. Also, Dave comments on Saddam's capture, then shows Liv Tyler her Lord of the Rings action figure.

11x62 - Barbara Walters, Sandra Diaz-Twine

December 16, 2003

11x63 - Neve Campbell, Wellwater Conspiracy

December 17, 2003

During Mailbag, Dave tries to make sense out of "Saddam Hussein" (Gerard), while a reindeer takes a dump onstage. Also, Neve Campbell promotes the upcoming Robert Altman film "The Company," while Wellwater Conspiracy performs "Wimple Witch."

11x64 - Bonnie Hunt, Dave Matthews

December 18, 2003

11x65 - Charlize Theron, Dave Matthews

December 19, 2003

During "Audience Show & Tell," a man recites the names of all 50 states in alphabetical order in just fifteen seconds. Also, Golden Globe nominee Charlize Theron promotes "Monster."

11x66 - Steve Martin, Shannon Eis

December 22, 2003

Dave mentions some strange advice his mother gave him about Harry: "Well, David, I think it would be nice if one day he joined a gang." Also, "The Kalter Brothers" sing "The Little Drummer Boy" without incident, and Steve Martin talks about the burden of being beautiful.

11x67 - Renee Zellweger, Darlene Love

December 23, 2003

It's the annual "Holiday Night" on the Late Show: Paul does his impersonation of Cher singing "O Holy Night;" Jay Thomas successfully dethrones the objects on top of the Late Show Christmas Tree; for the nineteenth year in a row, Darlene Love (featuring Bette Sussman and a 26-piece orchestra) performs "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)."

11x68 - Jennifer Aniston, Ryan Adams

January 5, 2004

Dave brings out Biff and thanks him, Paul, the USO and a variety of soldiers for making the Christmas Eve trip to Baghdad possible; in the premiere edition of "Will It Explode?" Pat Farmer throws 18 industrial-size cans of chocolate and butterscotch pudding off the roof; Parents magazine calls Dave "America's Most Moronic Father."

11x69 - Jennifer Connelly, Christopher Paolini

January 6, 2004

11x70 - Eddie Griffin, Marv Albert

January 7, 2004

Dave celebrate's Steph/Monty's birthday with a cake that reads "Happy Birthday Tammi!" Also, recent baseball Hall of Fame inductees Paul Molitor and Dennis Eckersley present the Top Ten.

11x71 - Nathan Lane, Ruben Studdard

January 8, 2004

During his interview with Nathan Lane, Dave suggests to Paul that they should perform together in the musical "The Producers." Also, Ruben Stoddard performs "Sorry 2004."

11x72 - Billy Bob Thornton

January 9, 2004

It's time for another round of "Stump the Band," and as usual Paul does his Carnac schtick; ten interns present the Top Ten; Billy Bob Thornton describes his short-lived tenure as the assistant manager of a pizza parlor; The Darkness performs "I Believe In a Thing Called Love."

11x73 - Patricia Heaton, Kate Bosworth

January 12, 2004

Dave goes on a rant about Jay Leno's appearance on CBS' "People's Choice Awards" home site, while Dick Gephardt presents the Top Ten.

11x74 - Jeff Daniels, Isaiah Thomas, The Shins

January 13, 2004

11x75 - Bette Midler, Howie Day

January 14, 2004

Mailbag: Alan gets clobbered by an angry Irishman, George Clarke takes a shower with former basketball star Manute Bol, and Steph/Monty gives heart surgery fun facts. Also, Howie Day performs "She Says."

11x76 - Dave Chapelle, Carmen Electra

January 15, 2004

Throughout the night, foreigners tell jokes; Dave and Paul play a new game called "Mars or Nevada?" then come to agree that it's utterly stupid; Al Roker presents the Top Ten; Carmen Electra promotes her new striptease-workout video.

11x77 - Christina Aquilera, Gary Muledeer

January 16, 2004

During "Audience Show & Tell," a woman from Texas shows off photos of her Chinese hairless in various costumes; Dave reads a fan letter from someone whose life depends upon "Will It Float?"; Christina Aguilera sings "Walk Away."

11x78 - Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey, Al Green

January 19, 2004

Stephanie demonstrates her ex-boyfriend's lackluster dancing abilities once more; John McEnroe does the Top Ten and promotes his new talk show at the same time; Gavin MacLeod makes a guest appearance in "Potatoes or Gavin MacLeod?"; by the end of the show, Steph, Gavin, and John are dancing together.

11x79 - Ashton Kutcher, Paula Abdul

January 20, 2004

Singer-songwriter John Mayer sits in; Dave shows footage of Howard Dean's head exploding; in the latest edition of "Pat Farmer's Gaffe Alert," our favorite film-loving stagehand points out that the entire cast of Casablanca is now dead.

11x80 - Kristin Davis, Joe Simpson

January 21, 2004

Dave does a really bad Howard Dean impression; during Mailbag, Rupert puts a ruined slice of turkey in the soup of the day; Dave chats with a mountain climber with an epic story of survival.

11x81 - Matthew Broderick, Jim Garvin

January 22, 2004

Dave shows several photos that answer the question "What's the Deal with Donald Trump's Hair?;" Howard Dean presents the Top Ten live via satellite from New Hampshire.

11x82 - Al Franken, Jake Johannsen, Phantom Planet

January 23, 2004

Al Franken comments on his trip to Iraq; Phantom Planet performs "Big Brat."

11x83 - Regis Philbin, The Thrills

February 2, 2004

Dave mentions the passing of influential late night great Jack Paar; Biff introduces his annual "Biff at the Super Bowl" segment; Bill DeLace does another Top Ten remote, this time from a nearby Starbucks.

11x84 - Harry Connick Jr., Sean Astin

February 3, 2004

Dave announces that after 22 years on the wagon, he would like to start drinking again, but only during the show. Later, he wishes Oprah a belated happy 50th birthday.

11x85 - Bill Belichick, Cindy Crawford

February 4, 2004

Dave mentions that water is not running in the building for the time being; during Mailbag, Pat Farmer tortures a stagehand with a George Foreman Grill; Dave shows a (bogus) clip of Barbara Walters topless.

11x86 - Hilary Swank, Todd Barry, Nellie McKay

February 6, 2004

Dave recaps last night's accident on 53rd Street: snowboarder Tara Dakides slid off a landing platform and fell to the pavement. She was taken to New York's Bellevue Hospital, and was treated for injuries. The audience was informed of the incident, and taping for the evening's two shows was cancelled.

11x87 - Dr. Phil, Tara Dakides, Clip of The Beatles

February 9, 2004

Dave chats with snowboarder Tara Dakides, whose accident during a demonstration on 53rd Street cancelled the taping of last Thursday's episode. Also, in honor of the 40th Anniversary of Beatlemania, Paul does an Ed Sullivan impression, while Dave shows the entire clip of the Fab Four performing for the first time in this very theater.