8x9 - D.L. Hughley, Tony Bennett & Diana Krall

August 31, 2000

Dave quizzes a secretary from Hartford with "Know Your Employees of Don Hewlett Chevrolet-Oldsmobile-Buick in Georgetown, Texas."

8x10 - Tim Robbins, Andy Kindler

September 1, 2000

During CBS Mailbag, Gerard explains why he's voting for Bush, and Dave marries Richard Hatch of "Survivor I" fame.

8x11 - Carson Daly, Dwight Yoakam

September 4, 2000

During a segment called "Summer Memories," Anton recalls being attacked by a giant mosquito. Later, Carson Daly plugs "TRL."

8x12 - Renee Zellweger, Bonnie Raitt

September 5, 2000

After reviewing stills of Dave's hand being stitched up, we're ready for the removal of the stitches, simulcast on www.cbs.com/lateshow. In the guest chair is Dr. Lou Arrone; he says Dave "almost cut off the tip of his finger." Dr. Robert Hodgkiss comes out and puts on goofy glasses. The Hi-Ho Babes bring out the medical equipment. Dave plays with special small magnifying camera by putting it in his mouth and down his pants. Finally, all 3 stitches come out. Shortly afterwards, Rupert brings in potato salad.

8x13 - Jamie Foxx, Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals

September 6, 2000

Alan interrupts Dave, claiming Monday was his 5th anniversary working on the show. He's mad because Dave forgot. He runs out into street, strips to his undies, and flips Dave off.

8x14 - Jesse Ventura, Spinal Tap

September 7, 2000

An audience member from Buffalo named Mel Chastain plays "Know Your Professional Bill Gates Lookalikes." Dave likes her so much that Biff hands her "Lion King" tickets.

8x15 - Greg Kinnear, Jake Johannsen

September 8, 2000

CBS Mailbag: Dave teaches grade school, while "AP writer Adam Klymer" (the scribe Dubya referred to as a "Major League Asshole," as played by Gerard) gives the future president the finger. Later, Greg Kinnear promotes "Dinner with Friends."

8x16 - Marat Safin, Sting

September 11, 2000

Biff blows up a bicycle tube and a soccer ball with a tire pump; Sting and Cheb Mami sing "Desert Rose."

8x17 - Chris Rock, Emmylou Harris

September 12, 2000

How Many Guys in Cat Suits Can Fit into a Coffee Shop? Walking in with no resistance are seven cats, a dog, Santa, a guy in a red cape, three monkeys, Moses, Dracula, Hercules, and a clown.

8x18 - Sally Field, Eddie Irvine

September 13, 2000

A "Banned from the Classroom" bit includes a jar of spit ball spit; Jack Daniels drink boxes; Professor George W. Bush's Build Your Own Electric Chair kit; the book Human Sexuality by the Gores; Elmer's Paste with Sprinkles; Dave Letterman anatomy chart; Crayola 64 pack cigarettes; and Hot Wheel Cars with (exploding) Firestone tires.

8x19 - Al Gore, Crosby Stills & Nash

September 14, 2000

Warren Zevon fills in for Paul Shaffer, who was sick that night.

8x20 - Kate Hudson, Supergrass

September 15, 2000

Nadine and Andrea rescue Calvert from under Dave's desk again. Later, Dave shows a "new" Hillary Clinton ad.

8x21 - Sylvester Stallone, Rocco DiSpirito

September 25, 2000

Dave goes on another lengthy tirade, correcting an article that appeared in yesterday's New York Times Magazine, calling Rush Limbaugh a "giant bag of gas," and then showing a photo of Jay Leno to demonstrate why his rival is "the goofiest-looking man in television."

8x22 - Gabriel Byrne, Kevin James

September 26, 2000

Dave gives the results of Olympic events before they air on NBC. Belgium seems to have won all of them except one (Finland).

8x23 - Denzel Washington, Mark Knopfler

September 27, 2000

Dave comments on Monday's rant by stating that while he has never been a non-voting Republican (according to the Times Magazine), he once registered as a Democrat. Later, Denzel Washington promotes "Remember the Titans" and wishes his wife a happy birthday.

8x24 - Ray Romano, Ralph Nader

September 28, 2000

Dave begins the evening by announcing, "Tonight is my final performance." Meanwhile, Vince Gill sits in, and presidential candidate Ralph Nader makes a campaign stop.

8x25 - Jada Pinkett Smith, LL Cool J

September 29, 2000

Dave makes another Ball State Football Update, declaring last week's 74-0 trouncing by Kansas State as being closer than the score reveals. Later, Alan Kalter interrupts Dave to scoff at news of Barbra Streisand's last concert, takes some time alone, then sobs uncontrollably.

8x26 - Geena Davis, Tom Cavanagh

October 2, 2000

A segment called "What's On TV This Week" is interrupted by two guys who burst into the theater fighting. Later, Tom Cavanaugh promotes his new show, "Ed."

8x27 - Christine Baranski, Green Day

October 3, 2000

"Late Show Iron Chef" -- Joe G. vs. Rupert Jee, Round 2: Rupert makes an omelet with Cajun spices, while Joe G makes a ham calzone; Maria Pope declares Joe G the winner.

8x28 - Farrah Fawcett, Loretta Lynn

October 4, 2000

Paul's sick tonight, so Anton's in charge and Cliff Carter sits in on keyboards. Dave calls "Paul" (who has a nasty upper respiratory thing), with Barry White providing the ailing bandleader's voice. Later, the annual "New for Fall" segment introduces "Biff Henderson's All-Star Impressions of Sleeping Celebrities" and drinking fountains filled with hot cocoa.

8x29 - Kevin Spacey, Lenny Krayzelberg

October 5, 2000

Biff plays "Super Unlabeled Canned Goods of the Night" (now with institutional-sized cans). Biff tastes chili, but Warren thinks it was chili the last time he sat in. He's wrong: it was ravioli on Sept. 15. Oh yeah, and Paul's still sick.

8x30 - Magic Johnson, Jewel

October 9, 2000

Since Paul's still sick, a guy comes out to show what Paul would have worn tonight; Eddie Brill fills in for Alan; Al Rent of Ball State comes out to give Dave the game ball from their big win that weekend; Ben Stiller has a dream where he walks onstage naked.

8x31 - Ben Stiller, Merle Haggard

October 6, 2000

Dave welcomes Rulon Gardner, who won the gold medal in wrestling at the Sydney Olmypics. Later, Warren Zevon promotes his new album.

8x32 - Regis Philbin, Jim Gaffigan

October 10, 2000

Barry White impersonates Paul via telephone yet again; after the latest edition of "Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts," Alan plugs "PK: The Pat and Kenny Magazine"; Jim Gaffigan promotes "Welcome to New York."

8x33 - Jason Alexander, Anthony Boudain, Foo Fighters

October 11, 2000

Calvert grabs a Kleenex® from Dave's desk during the jokes; Warren Zevon is still sitting in for Paul, who has developed pneumonia; a segment called "What Does It Cost?" reveals that Dave Dorsett takes his pay in adult videos.

8x34 - Martha Stewart, Spike Lee

October 12, 2000

Like he has on previous nights, Calvert walks through during the monologue. Tonight, he goes to Dave's desk, picks up the phone and dials, says "Get me the police!," hangs up and walks out. Later, Spike Lee plugs "Bamboozled."

8x35 - Mark Wahlberg, Incubus

October 13, 2000

During tonight's "Alan Kalter's Campaign Round-Up," the announcer sings an impromptu rendition of "Who Let the Dogs Out"; George Clarke attempts to lose weight by fasting through the rest of the show, only to end up treating himself to a hoagie after the first interview; Dave bullies Warren and Anton into writing and performing an original composition on the spot.

8x36 - James Caan, Angela Perez Baraquio

October 16, 2000

Paul's back and finished with his lengthy bout with pneumonia; throughout the week Dave introduces vegetables that didn't win a prize at the fair, and tonight it's farmer Bob Fowler and his regular-sized squash; Miss America 2001 (Miss Hawaii) demonstrates one version of a hula.

8x37 - Helen Hunt, Willie Nelson

October 17, 2000

Nadine Hennelly and Andrea Sande come out (a day late) with roses for Paul to celebrate his return. Dave announces that he's not feeling too well, so Nadine and Andrea come back to cheer him up.

8x38 - Joaquin Phoenix, Allison Moorer

October 18, 2000

Dave lists some rejected Ball State mascot names from long ago, and learns that their previous nickname was the "Hoosieroons." So, Dave announces that Ball State may name its football stadium for him provided they change the mascot back from Cardinals to Hoosieroons. Also, Dave shows Joaquin Phoenix what a silver dollar looks like.

8x39 - George W. Bush

October 19, 2000

After months of fruitless attempts, Dave finally lands Republican presidential candidate George Walker Bush as a guest on the show. During the interview, Dave grills Dubya about current events and the future president can't seem to give him a straight answer.

8x40 - Lawrence Fishburne, Lenny Kravitz

October 20, 2000

Dave show clip of Gov George bush from yesterdays show where bush cleans his glasses with sweater of lady standing next to him during break (producer Maria Pope)

8x41 - Will Smith, Derek Jeter

October 30, 2000

8x42 - Show #1500

October 31, 2000

During the annual "Halloween Costumes" segment, Calvert claims a dead fish as his treat and Dave's car the morning after All Hallow's Eve; George Clarke gorges himself on candy in the basement; Dave shows a clip of Kenny Sheehan's guest role as the metal shop teacher on the October 29 episode of "Ed"; after being mocked on last night's Tonight Show, Dave does a crude Jay Leno impression.

8x43 - Alec Baldwin, Gil de Ferran

November 1, 2000

Calvert stands right smack in front of Dave at his desk and has to be shooed away; Biff, with a little help from Benny Agbayani, does an experiment on juiced baseballs on the roof; Alec Baldwin sticks gum on Maria's jacket during a commercial break.

8x44 - Kathie Lee Gifford, Mark Borchardt

November 2, 2000

Dave calls Biff out to answer the question of an audience member: "Does he sleep with his headset on?" Of course he does. Later, Dave makes fun of a James Brolin made-for-TV movie from last night.

8x45 - Madonna

November 3, 2000

Madonna makes her first guest appearance in over six years.

8x46 - Don Rickles, Moby & Gwen Stefani

November 6, 2000

Dave reports that before the show he was trying to trim his hair above his ears and accidentally buzzed himself in the lobe; the winners of the NYC Marathon run through, followed shortly by Calvert; Moby and Gwen Stefani sing "South Side."

8x47 - Adam Sandler, Outkast

November 8, 2000

It's the day after the infamous presidential election, so Calvert walks onstage and asks Dave, "How'd Nixon do?" Later, Dave shows (bogus) CBS election coverage with the headline "Nader Wins."

8x48 - Cokie Roberts, Patricia Arquette

November 9, 2000

Calvert comes by for a smoke, then sings "Who Let the Dogs Out?" with Alan; Cokie Roberts offers her predictions on the election recount, as does Patricia Arquette.

8x49 - Lucy Liu, Aaron Neville

November 10, 2000

Calvert interrupts the jokes, asking for a sandwich; during "CBS Mailbag," Dave makes a quick trip to Europe to visit his three Dutch fans, then accidentally decapitates Paul; Lucy Liu demonstrates a hair flip.

8x50 - Kid Scientists, Samuel L. Jackson

November 13, 2000

During the monologue, Dave does a "Classic Clinton Joke": "He's so fat he can't see who he's having sex with." Also, Biff reports from the election mess in Palm Beach County, Florida.

8x51 - Bruce Willis, Charles Barkley

November 14, 2000

Calvert comes out to tear up the cue card for the Classic Clinton Joke; Dave tells another dentist-related horror story; Alan congratulates Hillary Clinton on behalf of her winning a seat in the U.S. Senate, then makes a very lewd offer.

8x52 - Mike Myers, Ricky Martin

November 15, 2000

Calvert serves Dave some coffee; Mike Myers shows a clip from a movie he made when he was 13.

8x53 - Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Elliot

November 16, 2000

Calvert comes out to clean his glasses on Dave's jacket; Michael McDonald (of Steely Dan and Doobie Brothers fame) sits in; the show closes with the CBS Orchestra playing the theme from Dave's 1980 morning show, which was written by McDonald.

8x54 - Val Kilmer, Everclear

November 17, 2000

Anton tells about his troubles with a kid on Halloween; Dave's interview with Val Kilmer goes horribly awry.

8x55 - Susan Sarandon, Kasey Chambers

November 20, 2000

After having one flag put on the set last night, Dave now has two flags behind his desk so he can "look more presidential." Later, Dave gives Susan Sarandon a silver gravy serving bowl.

8x56 - Brian Williams, Faith Hill

November 21, 2000

Calvert comes out dressed like Dave and inspects a ballot; Dave demonstrates his improved facial maneuverability, and then thanks his dentist; the Brazilian Olympic bobsled team practices outside Joe G's.

8x57 - Richard Simmons, Giselle Bundchen

November 22, 2000

Calvert comes out to comb his hair, and leaves the stage to a standing ovation. Also, Richard Simmons comes out in an orange and yellow turkey outfit, prompting Dave to defend himself with a fire extinguisher.

8x58 - Stupid Human Tricks, Keri Russell

November 23, 2000

Dave apologizes for last night's show. Later, he shows highlights from the staff Thanksgiving Party, during which Dave dresses as a pilgrim and Paul gets thrown out for being Canadian.

8x60 - Bette Midler, Jack Hanna

November 27, 2000

Calvert comes out with a remote control to zap Dave; a tiger cub belonging to Jack Hanna develops a strange fondness for Dave.

8x61 - Martha Stewart, Christina Aquilera

November 28, 2000

Rather than do something, Calvert walks onstage, stands next to Dave for ten seconds, then walks away; Dave now has twelve flags behind his desk; Dave and Martha Stewart make Beef Wellington; live via satellite from Dallas, Al Cordova is stuffed into a giant duffel bag.

8x62 - Jon Stewart, Everlast

November 29, 2000

Calvert cleans the cameras; Dave refers to Paul as "President-elect Paul W. Shaffer;" Dave mentions that magician David Blaine is frozen alive in a block of ice at Times Square...cut live to the boiler room, where George Clarke dumps a bucket of ice into his britches.

8x63 - Mel Gibson, Todd Barry

December 11, 2000

Calvert walks onstage drinking a quart of egg nog straight out of the carton; to promote Dave's upcoming appearance in Bosnia, Biff visits a troop stationed there. In honor of his appearance, Biff shows off a commemorative coin that they gave to him.

8x64 - Charles Grodin, Bobby LaBonte

December 12, 2000

Calvert drinks more egg nog; Charles Grodin; 2000 NASCAR Winston Cup champion Bobby Labonte; Dave shows outtake footage of last night's "Biff in Bosnia."

8x65 - Jay Thomas, Orny Adams

December 13, 2000

Dave shows a picture of President-elect Bush wearing a funny cowboy hat; in case there are any updates on tonight's decision, live via satellite, three guys stand around in Austin, Tallahassee and the U.S. Supreme Court building.

8x66 - Helen Hunt, Robert Klein

December 14, 2000

Dave shows a clip of MSNBC's Bob Kur mumbling during his report of last night's Supreme Court decision; an audience member tries to sneak out of "Know Your Current Events."

8x67 - CBS Mailbag, At the Drive-In

December 15, 2000

Paul walks over to adjust Dave's shirt; Calvert drinks more egg nog; during Mailbag, we watch "Dave's Trip to Norway," in which he ends up in Finland by mistake; Gerard thanks the country for electing George W. Bush because "(he's) one lazy-ass writer," then brings out all the actors who played his son Kevin.

8x68 - Sean Connery, Barenaked Ladies

December 18, 2000

Dave shows a clip of President-elect Bush and Colin Powell hugging rather awkwardly; Rupert, Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G. decorate the Late Show Christmas Tree; in honor of the aforementioned clip, Dave and Sean Connery attempt to hug as well.

8x69 - Tom Hanks, Darlene Love

December 19, 2000

It's "Bosnia Night" on the Late Show: Dave wears night-vision goggles during the monologue; the audience consists entirely of members of the Armed Forces; the Hi-Ho girls deliver t-shirts to the troops; Tom Hanks arrives via parachute; Darlene Love performs "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)."

8x70 - George Clooney, Sade

December 20, 2000

In honor of his 35 years with CBS, Dave gives cameraman Dave Dorsett a fake Christmas gift; Dave announces that staff morale at the Late Show has never been lower, so Paul suggests the services of Montel Williams as a motivational speaker; in honor of the film Castaway, George Clarke is locked into the theater's boiler room and quickly becomes disheveled and deranged.

8x71 - Juliette Binoche, Jonathan Witherspoon

December 21, 2000

Calvert sprays snow from a can on a camera lens. Dave squeegees it, but he gets the foam all over his suit. Also, comedian John Witherspoon does impressions of Nat King Cole and Johnny Mathis.

8x72 - Uma Thurman, Brian Regan

December 22, 2000

Calvert is dressed as Santa; during Mailbag, Alan prepares for a role in a porno movie by sitting in a bathtub filled with egg nog; Brian Regan comments on the joys of air travel.

8x73 - Lily Tomlin, Anthony Clark

December 26, 2000

Calvert comes out with his shiny new scooter; Dave asks Steph/Monty to tape "Jackass" for him; Paul discusses Hanukkah, then admits that he's in a drunken stupor; Dave claims that he's cold, so one of his assistants walks onstage to give him gloves to wear.

8x74 - Jay Mohr, Snoop Dogg

December 27, 2000

Dave tells 10 "It's so cold..." jokes; Dave, Rupert and others bid a fond farewell to Joe G. Pizza, which is moving to W. 56th Street next month; Dave mentions a "Cue Cards Awards Dinner" that is being held in a secret location tomorrow night.

8x75 - Benjamin Bratt, Jimmie Walker

December 28, 2000

Dave has a special new year's message for the kids (not to mention his biker buddies): "Ride straight." Also, Dave tells six more "It's so cold…" jokes during the monologue, and "Commissioner" Bill DeLace give New Year's safety tips.

8x76 - Matt Damon, Fuel

December 29, 2000

8x77 - Sarah Jessica Parker, Jamie Bell

January 8, 2001

Dave mentions that Ed won a People's Choice Award for Best New Series. He says he's never won one "because the people don't like me." Alan Kalter brags about winning a similar award for "Alan Kalter's Campaign Round-Up," then taunts Dave by ripping his shirt off.

8x78 - Tim Robbins, Julie Bowen

January 9, 2001

An old man resembling Calvert walks onstage after the monologue; 60's pop singer Jackie DeShannon sits in and croons some of her biggest hits; Dave shows (bogus) footage of President Clinton moving his belongings to FlashDancers; Alan Kalter makes several lewd comments about Secretary of Labor nominee Linda Chavez.

8x79 - Dennis Quaid, Jason Seahorn

January 10, 2001

The old guy/Calvert surrogate from last night stares blankly at the camera; Dave asks Steph/Monty for dental tools; another "Day in the Life of Hillary Clinton" skit is abandoned, this time by Kenny Sheehan's indecent commentary.

8x80 - Kim Cattrall, Bob Sarlatte

January 11, 2001

Throughout the night, Giants placekicker Brad Deluiso kicks field goals. Also, Kim Cattrall claims Garry Shandling tried to set her up with Dave years ago, but Dave denies it.

8x81 - Christine Baranski, Seal

January 12, 2001

Mailbag: Pat Farmer wears a skirt, while a hot dog vender (Michael Z. McIntee) sells Dave a hot dog with "I love you" spelled in mustard.

8x82 - Dan Rather, Vinnie Jones

January 15, 2001

Dave shows a photo of a cake Dorothy made to commemorate the one-year anniversary of his quintuple-bypass; Dave asks Steph/Monty for some Miller® Lite inflatable chairs; after Barry White cancels at the last minute, Nancy Agostini shows highlights from yesterday's Giants-Vikings playoff game.

8x83 - Sean Penn, Lauren Kessler

January 16, 2001

Dave starts off the show by discussing the launch of Oprah's new magazine, and then he shows a copy of Martha Stewart's rag, claiming that for a time Martha was penniless and living in hollow tree. Then he points out that now Rosie O'Donnell has a magazine. Exasperated, Dave says he's getting his own magazine "chock full of tips on how to live your life just like me!" and shows bogus Dave and Oprah magazines.

8x84 - Matthew McConaughey, Elle Macpherson

January 17, 2001

Dave complains that his chair is not as comfortable as he would like it to be, then hypothesizes that it's the lumbar adjustment that's causing the problems; during the latest "Last Time" segment, Alan pleads with Dave to retain the Top Ten list; Pat and Kenny create some awkward sexual tension.

8x85 - Neve Campbell, George Miller

January 18, 2001

Dave admits that he's addicted to carbohydrates; NYC Chief of Police Bill DeLace gives snow survival tips; Dave shows two clips of George W. Bush pronouncing big words.

8x86 - Tom Selleck, Richard Ashcroft

January 19, 2001

On the eve of President Bush's inauguration, Dave tells one last "Classic Clinton Joke" from 1998. Also, during Mailbag, the staff falls victim to a gas leak, while a question about Alan's hair is answered by the announcer turning bright red and running around like a loony.

8x87 - John Goodman, 3 Doors Down

January 29, 2001

Dave comments on yesterday's Giants-Ravens Super Bowl, then shows footage of MVP Ray Lewis with confetti stuck on his face. Also, Maria Pope introduces Dave to prison guard Debb Eaton, the first contestant eliminated from Survivor: Outback.

8x88 - Dolly Parton, William Peterson

January 30, 2001

Throughout the night, various celebrities (such as Regis and Dave) endorse a "Hacking Cough of the Night." Also, Biff introduces his report from Super Bowl XXXV in Tampa, where he interrogates N'Sync and Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.

8x89 - Patricia Heaton, Jeff Pobst

January 31, 2001

Dave demands that Johnny Knoxville from "Jackass" appear on the show; Dave shows a clip of President Bush slapping the first lady in the butt in public; Jeff Probst and a guy pretending to be Leslie Moonves promote Survivor: Outback.

8x90 - Keanu Reeves, Tony Siragusa

February 1, 2001

Dave casually mentions that today is the nineteenth anniversary of his first foray into late night, and Nancy Agostini and Mike McIntee walk out and give Paul flowers. Later, Dave chats with Tony Siragusa of the Super Bowl champion Baltimore Ravens.

8x91 - Jack Black, Aimee Mann

February 2, 2001

During Mailbag, Harold Larkin goes to Jupiter, then looses his pants due to their extreme gravity; Alan Kalter discusses Good Morning America's plan to show a live childbirth on Tuesday, then offers his services for a live conception; Jack Black promotes Saving Silverman.

8x92 - Anthony Hopkins, Erykah Badu

February 5, 2001

Dave's desk has been repainted a gaudy light blue; Dave rants about last Saturday's debut of the XFL, demanding that the players huck folding chairs at each other; "non-surviving Survivor" Kel Gleason denies that he brought a secret food stash to the Australian Outback.

8x93 - Jennifer Lopez, matchbox twenty

February 6, 2001

Dave mentions that the front of his desk was painted blue the previous weekend, and now we know why: it's a makeshift screen for projecting various pieces of videotape. Amongst the clips: a monkey washing a cat, a kaliedoscope, footage of the sinking of the Titanic, and a clip from Jennifer Lopez's new film The Wedding Planner.

8x94 - Marv Albert, Katie Holmes

February 7, 2001

In conjunction with a certain upstart football league, Dave announces that the show will change its name to "XLS- the Extreme Late Show," effective immediately. Also, Dave makes a long distance call to Melbourne, Australia just so he can hear somebody say "G'day."

8x95 - Regis Philbin, Rod Stewart

February 8, 2001

Biff reports from Bloomfield, Connecticut; an audience member plays Chopin on Paul's piano; history repeats itself as Dave announces that New York State Police Trooper William McClellan got him last night for going 80 in a 55 zone.

8x96 - David Boreanaz, Mitch Hedberg

February 9, 2001

For the last month or so, a little old man walks onstage during the monologue, stands next to Dave, and walks away. Tonight, there's a twist: the old guy walks out, and followed soon after by an annoyed-looking Calvert. Both walk off stage without incident. Also, during Mailbag, "Police Chief" Bill DeLace gives dating tips, while "Bill Clinton" (Gerard) steals one of the guest chairs.

8x97 - Kelly Ripa, Jamie Oliver

February 12, 2001

Dave engages in a lengthy discussion about stomach flu, then calls Art Kelly upstairs to inquire about staff members with the virus. Shortly afterwards, Art hands the phone to Stephanie "Monty" Birkitt, and Dave asks her if controversial Clinton pal Denise Rich has answered his calls.

8x98 - Stupid Pet Tricks, Tom Cavanagh

February 13, 2001

It's milestone in the long and celebrated history of "Stupid Pet Tricks" as Regis the duck eats cottage cheese out of owner Rebecca Kraft's mouth. The sight of the stunt is so repulsive that Dave shows the clip repeatedly for several weeks to come.

8x99 - Chris Rock, Spacehog

February 14, 2001

Dave shows a Valentine's Day bouquet he claims came from Jackass star Johnny Knoxville; Dave comments on last night's grotesque Stupid Pet Trick, then shows the clip of the "rabid dingo" biting him in June 2000; Dave offers an office and a plump, young intern to President Clinton.

8x100 - Stephanie Seymour, Nelly

February 15, 2001

Dave announces that last night's show has been pardoned by ex-President Clinton; daredevil Steve Direnzo jumps off the roof of the theater, then comes in to take a bow; "Biff Henderson's America" takes a pit stop in Franklin, Idaho.

8x101 - Megan Mullally, Eddie Brill

February 16, 2001

A segment called "Dave's Henchmen Force a Price Waterhouse Executive to Reveal the Best-Picture Winner" pretty much explains itself; during Mailbag, a spoof of the upcoming film "Hannibal" reveals that Paul's brain is made out of guacamole; "George Clarke's Celebrity Interview" finds our hero shirtless, much to the annoyance of guest Kelsey Grammer.

8x102 - Julia Roberts

February 19, 2001

Dave goes on one of his all-time greatest rants, this time protesting the inhumane conditions on Survivor: Outback, then chastises Tony for supposedly picking his nose with a cue-card. Also, the latest eliminated contestant on the aforementioned reality show, seven-foot-tall musician Mitchell Olsen, suddenly starts singing "I Will Survive."

8x103 - Samuel L. Jackson, Timothy Treadwell

February 20, 2001

Alan Kalter interrupts Dave with a few seductive words for Jennifer Lopez on the occasion of her break-up with Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs. Shortly afterwards, he starts singing some sort of ballad, when suddenly "Big Red" is shot several times. Dave, looking rather deadpan through all of this, recommends Bacitracin® ointment for Alan's multiple gunshot wounds.

8x104 - James Caan, Nelly Furtado

February 21, 2001

Throughout the night, Don Hewitt (aka the Man on Fire) is body-checked by several New York Rangers; during Mailbag, an audience woman names her dog in honor of Dave ("Come along, ***hole"); Nelly Furtado performs "I'm Like A Bird."

8x105 - Benicio Del Toro, Shaggy

February 22, 2001

George Clarke interrogates celebrites at last night's Grammys; ten grade-schoolers from Bowie, Maryland present the Top Ten; live via telephone, Dr. Henry Kissinger says the name of an audience member; Shaggy performs "It Wasn't Me."

8x106 - Bill O'Reilly, Jim Gaffigan

February 23, 2001

Sam Moore (of Sam & Dave) and Billy Preston sit in; Kansas State University high jumper Nathen Leeper can't demonstrate his talents on 53rd Street because of a snowstorm; during Mailbag, Alan smears macaroni & cheese into his hair, while "police chief" Bill DeLace threatens the audience; Nathan throws a dummy over the high jump bar.

8x107 - Kevin Pollack, Dave Matthews Band

February 26, 2001

Dave shows off his brand new desk, then complains that he has nothing worth asking to "Survivor: Outback" loser Kimmi Kappenberg; Les Moonves and "Fidel Castro" (Tony) go out for lunch.

8x108 - Heather Locklear, Allison Krauss, Gillian Welch, Emmylou Harris, The Soggy Bottom Boys

February 27, 2001

Dave shows the woman/duck and "rabid dingo" clips yet again; Dave discusses the new theory that a meteorite may prove life on Mars, prompting Alan Kalter to go berserk with conspiracy theories; Emmylou Harris, Gillian Welch, Alison Krauss and Dan Timinski and the Soggy Bottom Boys perform a medley of songs from the film O Brother, Where Art Thou?

8x109 - Tom Brokaw, Leslie Bibb

February 28, 2001

Dave announces that after a recent awkward experience, he will no longer attend network meetings of any kind; Les Moonves and Fidel/Inky continue eating lunch; Dave shows footage of President Bush correctly pronouncing "contingencies."