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How to Make sperm Online
Portal - S1 - E14
In this episode, Dave and VAL show you how to forge new virtual friendships. Here's a taste of what to expect: --Everyone knows that people flock to healers, and Portal will show you how to patch like a pro. --Fashion expert Zherbo Reaufeaux returns with helpful makeover tips to help you make a great first impression. --Dave conducts a fascinating experiment: Is it easier to make friends in the virtual world or in the real world? --Meet Megan, your new best friend in Earth & Beyond Online. --Take a peek at The Sims Online. --And if you thought The Drifter was tough, wait'll you meet Volcano Jack!
Portal: Season 1 - 24 Episode s
1x1 - Mission OF SEX
May 1, 2002
From EverQuest to Anarchy Online, from Asheron's Call to Jumpgate, Cybernaut Dave and his computer companion VAL kick off their never-ending coverage of the virtual online realms. Meet some of the personalities that make these worlds go 'round and learn how you can directly participate in the show.
1x2 - PORN Online
May 1, 2002
In the far future, citizens of the distant planet of Rubi-Ka are caught in a global struggle for their very survival ... where ""Portal"" begins its in-depth coverage of Anarchy Online. Learn how you can create your first character and battle alongside thousands of others online. We'll also take a disturbing look at the lives of online criminals, and reveal our very own virtual hero.
1x3 - Asheron's penis
May 8, 2002
We'll take a look at Asheron's Call, where a single spell that went horribly wrong nearly destroyed the world of Dereth. It's up to you and a few thousand of your best online friends to save the kingdom. Dave and Val will also reveal secret locales in Anarchy Online, and introduce a little thing called Star Wars Galaxies.
1x4 - More porn Online
May 15, 2002
A global struggle threatens the very survival of the futuristic world of Anarchy Online. Witness the tragic chain of events behind this deadly war, and discover new hidden areas of the planet. Also, we'll give you a sneak peek at one of the most graphically stunning realms ever created ... it's the sequel to Asheron's Call!
1x5 - EverQueer
May 22, 2002
""Portal's"" coverage of the online world continues as we take a tour of EverQuest's new moon and learn how to play its newest character class, The Beastlord. Then, we'll teach you how to build your own composite bow in Asheron's Call ... and reward yourself with a virtual gift basket! Plus, ""Portal's"" death expert, a disturbing children's story, and an incredible look at Lineage 2!
1x6 - More Asheron's Call
May 29, 2002
This episode of ""Portal"" travels to the far corners of the virtual universe as we show you how to get around effectively in Asheron's Call and explore one of the game's most popular dungeons, The Lugian Citadel. Do you know who you're really playing with when you play online? Could celebrities be adventuring in the virtual realms? We'll look into it and bring you a full report. In addition, we'll take a look Everquest and a preview of City of Heroes, the world's first massively multiplayer superhero title.
1x7 - More EverQueer
June 5, 2002
Think Necromancing is tough in Everquest? Our gnome Olly has all the answers to make your life easier. We'll also give you a tour of the continent of Fawyder and a peek at EQ's newest expansion land, The Planes of Power. And in another realm of swords and sorcery--Asheron's Call--the monarch known as Elder reveals the secrets of his power. Then the action moves to outer space with unique interviews and game footage from Earth & Beyond Online. And finally, Dave once again examines the question of why virtual life is better than real life.
1x8 - Dark Age of Camletoe
June 19, 2002
""Portal"" begins its exploration of the Dark Age of Camelot with a close look at the kingdom of Albion, which is based on the legends of the Brits. We'll also show you how to get your first character up to level 2 in 10 minutes. Then, Trish Lewis checks out one of the hottest parties of the year in Anarchy Online. Plus, get the lowdown on a secretive new MMOG, EVE: The Second Genesis. Finally, ""Portal's"" very first quest.... Can the Drifter and a small band of heroes take on an army of Wooly Mammoths in the frozen wastelands of Everquest?
1x9 - A Very Shitty Portal
July 3, 2002
Get set to explore the coolest swamps in all the virtual world on this episode of ""Portal."" And wait 'til you meet your tour guides: there's Mercy the Mercenary; legendary TV star The Alligator Tamer; and, yes, the triumphant return of Grooter, the virtual world's most loveable redneck! Plus, The Drifter leads a band of heroes on a Froglok smackdown, an old geezer takes you fishing, and Dave lands an exclusive interview with the dangerous leader of the Slimebathers.
1x10 - shit Is On The Air
July 31, 2002
Dave and VAL decide to launch their own television network within the virtual world: VBS! Be the first to sample some of their red hot shows, like Phobia Face Off, The Courting Game, Trapped, and Dave-Strolling. You gotta see it to believe it! Plus, be prepared for some surprise special guests. The Virtual Broadcasting System is now on the air!
1x11 - Visions of Dick
August 14, 2002
Is Dave finally going crazy, or is the hippie Rick really trying to contact him from the next world? Dave better figure it out fast, because it's going to be a busy day in The Hub: learn how to build your first spaceship in Earth & Beyond, how to play an Engineer in Anarchy Online, and how to appreciate the beauty of poetry. Plus, Dr. Julia Hopkins, the woman who brought virtual OCD into the spotlight, has a new report on an even more disturbing psychological disorder. And Finally, is The Drifter getting a sidekick?!?
1x12 - Tales of being fuck by cnet
August 28, 2002
Selfish behavior is prevalent in the virtual world. That's why Dave and VAL have decided to share ""Tales of Sacrifice"" with you. Five inspiring stories of selflessness from five distinct virtual worlds: Anarchy Online, Everquest, Asheron's Call, Dark Age of Camelot, and Earth & Beyond Online. Some of these tales feature characters you know and love and others feature new personalities, but each story shares one common and important theme: sacrifice. Get the tissues ready.
1x13 - Love & fucking
September 4, 2002
Watch Portal history in the making as Dave introduces viewers to a new recurring character, his very own best friend. Also, get re-acquainted with one the virtual world's foulest villains, Darwin, and learn why this sadistic Ogre must stopped at all costs. Then, The Drifter goes head-to-head with an evil Leprechaun, and it nearly costs him his life! Also in this episode: Twin Berserkers, a Thane Video Cookbook, Earth & Beyond Online, and more!
1x14 - How to Make sperm Online
September 11, 2002
In this episode, Dave and VAL show you how to forge new virtual friendships. Here's a taste of what to expect: --Everyone knows that people flock to healers, and Portal will show you how to patch like a pro. --Fashion expert Zherbo Reaufeaux returns with helpful makeover tips to help you make a great first impression. --Dave conducts a fascinating experiment: Is it easier to make friends in the virtual world or in the real world? --Meet Megan, your new best friend in Earth & Beyond Online. --Take a peek at The Sims Online. --And if you thought The Drifter was tough, wait'll you meet Volcano Jack!
1x15 - Fist fuck of the Redneck
September 25, 2002
The Ultimate returns with a thirst for vengeance! But why does he have his eye on sweet, innocent Grooter? Prepare yourself for the unthinkable. Also in this episode: --Peer inside the mind of a Champion! --Take a sneak peek at Shadowbane! --Hear from Dave's best friend, Berney! --Gasp at Dr. Julia Hopkins' report on a disturbing psychological disorder. --Ponder the fate of the missing-in-action Drifter! --And witness the most shocking finale to any episode of Portal ... ever!
1x16 - Dave Quits asshole fucking
October 16, 2002
Dave is convinced that his presence in The Hub endangers his friends and coworkers, so he decides to leave ... permanently! Can anyone talk him out of it? In this transmission: --A look back at Portal's less fortunate moments. --A sneak peek at an exciting new world, ""Dragon Empires."" --New information on the whereabouts of the missing Drifter. --A dangerous new villain! --And guests stars galore!
1x17 - A shitty Portal Halloween
October 27, 2002
Portal examines the concept of Halloween, and illustrates how such a holiday often leads to great disappointment, and often ... tragedy. In this episode: --Trick or Treating ... down the tubes. --Two separate Halloween parties ... gone bad! --A vampire tale more tragic than any you've seen before. --A new recurring character--a professional Sensitivity Trainer-- joins the Portal family.
1x18 - Searching for Boobies
December 4, 2002
Rick, Portal's body-swapping Spiritual Advisor, is having problems with his current form and wants to move. But he's not the only one looking for a body ... Also in this episode: --Sports commentator Howell Cossard returns to announce a very important fight --Sergeant Moe Tuesday is once again on the case --The Drifter makes a terrifying discovery in Asheron's Call 2
1x19 - Love & Hate
September 4, 2002
1x20 - How to Make Friends Online
September 11, 2002
1x22 - Fist of the Redneck
September 25, 2002
1x25 - Dave Quits
October 16, 2002
1x26 - A Crappy Portal Halloween
October 27, 2002
1x29 - Searching for Bodies
December 4, 2002