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Beetlejuice
Season 4
Episode 22

Them Bones, Them Bones, Them Funny Bones

October 8, 1991

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Beetlejuice - S4 - E22

Lydia is to MC at her school's talent night, but she's afraid she isn't funny enough. So--BJ lends her his funny bone. But what's Beetlejuice without a funny bone??

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Beetlejuice: Season 4 - 65 Episode s

4x1 - You're History
September 9, 1991
Beetlejuice gets a bunch of famous dead historical figures to appear on Neitherworld TV.
4x2 - Raging Skull
September 10, 1991
Jacques tries to achieve his afterlife-long dream of becoming Mr. Neitherworld, with one obstacle: namely, Armhold Musclehugger, the current reigning King of Fitness. How can someone with no muscles possibly compete with someone built like a Greek god?
4x3 - Sore Feet
September 11, 1991
Beetlejuice's feet decide they aren't being treated right and strike out on their own. BJ must find them before they get themselves in trouble.
4x4 - Fast Food
September 12, 1991
It's BJ and Lydia's Frankenburgers vs. Scuzzo's Clown Burgers in the biggest fast-food-fight of the century.
4x5 - Queasy Rider
September 13, 1991
Beetlejuice gets tired of Doomie's tendency to be nice, so he builds a new vehicle: Road Hawg, the meanest chopper around, but Doomie's the only one who can save BJ from Road Hawg's vicious new gang.
4x6 - How Green Is My Gallery
September 16, 1991
Delia's art is a flop in Peaceful Pines, so Delia and BJ decide to take her to a Neitherworld art colony, where her art will be truly appreciated. But with the good comes the bad!
4x7 - Keeping Up With the Boneses
September 17, 1991
When BJ's new, rich neighbours move in, Beetlejuice goes out and gets himself a Monster Charge Card so he can have a bigger house and more stuff. But when the repo men arrive, BJ has to make a tough choice.
4x8 - Pranks for the Memories
September 18, 1991
BJ's got Scuzzo's brain, Scuzzo's got no brain, and BJ's brain is out to rule the Neitherworld. Get it?
4x9 - Caddy Shock
September 19, 1991
Lydia is stuck competing against Clare in her school's golf P.E. course (hey, it's a private school, after all), and Clare just happens to be the reigning teen golf champ of Peaceful Pines. In an attempt to help Lydia out, BJ teleports Clare to a Neitherworld country club, where she is turned into a golf trophy. Now Beetlejuice and Lydia have to win the golf tournament and get Clare back.
4x10 - Two Heads Are Better Than None
September 20, 1991
Beetlejuice says the wrong thing and gets his head put onto the Monster's body--now the Monster's got two heads, and BJ's body is left to wander.
4x11 - Beauty and the Beetle
September 23, 1991
Coincidentally on the very same day Lydia has doubts about her own beauty, the great beast Thing Thong, who steals beautiful things because he feels he is himself ugly, kidnaps her. While Lydia helps Thong find confidence in himself, Beetlejuice tries to 'save' her in the guise of the famed adventurer Grimdiana Bones.
4x12 - Creepy Cookies
September 24, 1991
When Lydia joins the Happy-Faced Girls, Beetlejuice laughs--until he finds out how much money a cookie drive can pull in. He rushes back to the Neitherworld where he assembles the Sappy-Face Ghouls and gives them some of his homemade cookies to sell in Peaceful Pines. Too bad the cookies are haunted!
4x13 - Poe Pourri
September 25, 1991
Edgar Allen Poe comes to BJ's Roadhouse in search of his lost Lenore. This is followed by a series of nightmares Beetlejuice experiences that are loosely based on Poe's works.
4x14 - Ear's Looking at You
September 26, 1991
A Sam Spade spoof featuring two ears cut off from a family fortune.
4x15 - Beetlebones
September 27, 1991
Beetlejuice's sophisticated skeleton escapes from his skin and runs off. Lydia, Jacques, and BJ's skin must recapture Beetlebones--before the Skeleton Crew does.
4x16 - Smell-A-Thon
September 30, 1991
When BJ finds out about the Save-The-Whales Telethon Lydia is involved in, he gets an idea: hold his own telethon and make a fortune! So he holds a Save-The-Smells Telethon to do just that--until he actually, truly, begins to believe in his cause. Who would have thought? Apparently nobody, because when the telethon money mysteriously disappears, Public Opinion rises squarely against Beetlejuice.
4x17 - The Miss Beauty-Juice Pageant
October 1, 1991
Beetlejuice wants to enter the First Neitherworld Beauty Pageant (the prize is a Ton O' Cash), but is turned down because he's a man. Determined to win the prize, BJ launches a ""Men Are Beautiful Too"" campaign, closely followed by a ""Disgusting Is Beautiful Too"" campaign. Finally, the pageant is opened to everybody. But if everybody is in the pageant, who's left to even watch it?
4x18 - Sappiest Place On Earth
October 2, 1991
When the Happy Face Girls' outing is called on account of rain, BJ (as Denmother MacCree) takes them to Grislyland, the Neitherworld's newest theme park. But Grislyland's patron cartoon character, Bartholomew Batt, is out for more than a profitable enterprise...Why? Because he's a typical cartoon villain, that's why!
4x19 - Brinkadoom
October 3, 1991
BJ, Lydia, and Doomie accidentally tumble into Brinkadoom, a cursed village which disappears for an eternity as soon as all its inhabitants fall asleep. Can they find their way out before that happens?
4x20 - Foreign Exchange
October 4, 1991
When a beautiful Scandinavian exchange student arrives at Miss Shannon's school, Clare thinks she will burst with envy--until she relieves her fury by embarrassing the exchange student in front of everybody. To get even, Lydia and BJ send Clare to be an exchange student herself--in the Neitherworld.
4x21 - Family Scarelooms
October 7, 1991
BJ's parents want to join the Society for the Oldest and Moldiest Families of the Neitherworld, but they need the Juice family coat of arms to prove their lineage. Unfortunately, the coat is somewhere in BJ's room, which hasn't been cleaned in, well...apparently it hasn't been cleaned.
4x22 - Them Bones, Them Bones, Them Funny Bones
October 8, 1991
Lydia is to MC at her school's talent night, but she's afraid she isn't funny enough. So--BJ lends her his funny bone. But what's Beetlejuice without a funny bone??
4x23 - Hotel Hello
October 9, 1991
Charles really needs a weekend to relax, so Mr. Beetleman takes the Deetzes to Hotel Hello in the Neitherworld. But with Charles stressing out over every little thing, not to mention a vampire after Delia's neck, what kind of vacation will it turn out to be?
4x24 - Goody Two Shoes
October 10, 1991
It's 'Good Neighbor Day' in the Neitherworld, when being nice is a law. Of course, BJ won't stand for it, and causes trouble...which lures in Goody Two Shoes, a Fairy from the Bureau of Sweetness and Prissiness (BSnP). With a wave of her wand, Goody turns everyone into denizens of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood--what a fate!
4x25 - Vidiots
October 11, 1991
A video game called Scourge sucks Lydia and Beetlejuice into cyberspace, and they must outsmart the computer if they ever hope to escape.
4x26 - Ship of Ghouls
October 14, 1991
Beetlejuice wins two tickets for an ocean cruise (illegally, I might add), and takes Lydia on a very...odd...vacation on the high seas.
4x27 - Poultrygeist
October 15, 1991
A leftover chicken in BJ's fridge turns undead and haunts the Roadhouse in the form of the most dreaded of all spectres--a Poultrygeist! Can Beetlejuice and Lydia banish it before sleep deprivation claims BJ's last remaining shreds of sanity?
4x28 - It's a Wonderful Afterlife
October 16, 1991
Yes, you've guessed it: Beetlejuice has an off day and wishes he had never met any of his friends. Clarence Sale shows up and shows him what the Neitherworld--and the real world--would be like without him. Seeing Lydia miserable and friendless convinces BJ to change his mind, and Clarence is rewarded for his trouble with a shiny new car.
4x29 - Ghost Writer in the Sky
October 17, 1991
Beetlejuice publishes his auto-dieography and is heralded as one of the finest authors of all time. But the lies he tells about his friends in the book come back to haunt him, big time.
4x30 - Cabin Fever
October 18, 1991
After spending all day curing Lydia of her measles, Beetlejuice gets Cabin Fever--and then is quarantined to the Roadhouse. How can Lydia help BJ get over Cabin Fever if they can't go outside? They'll think of something!
4x31 - Highs-Ghoul Confidential
October 21, 1991
While flipping through Beetlejuice's high school yearbook, Lydia is astounded to discover that her best friend was none other than Prom King! She presses BJ for the story, and he tells it--and it is one doozy of a tale.
4x32 - Rotten Sports
October 22, 1991
Beetlejuice recruits Lydia to coach Team BJ in the Neitherworld All-Ghoul Games. But the team is hopeless and the opposition is fierce--Can Lydia motivate her friends enough to even dream of winning, especially Beetlejuice, who's devoted all his time to product endorsements?
4x33 - Mr. Beetlejuice Goes to Town
October 23, 1991
When Mayor Maynot threatens to tear down the Roadhouse to make room for a new superhighway, Beetlejuice runs for office--and wins. But it is soon apparent that BJ is an even more corrupt mayor than the last one, and it's up to his friends to get him de-elected before he gets too out of hand.
4x34 - Time Flies
October 24, 1991
It's the anniversary of the day BJ and Lydia met, and BJ presents Lydia with a watch. But time flies, and Beetlejuice and Lydia follow the escaped watch through the Sands Of Time, where they meet Grandfather Time. BJ gives the poor old geezer a cog-attack, thoroughly messing up the flow of Time. They must get Time restarted or nothing will be the same again.
4x35 - To Beetle Or Not Beetle
October 25, 1991
Lydia has to write a paper on Shakespeare for her English class, but can't understand his plays. So BJ takes her to the Neitherworld to meet Shakey's characters, who turn out to be rather disgruntled with their roles. When they kidnap Lydia and try to force her to rewrite their plays, BJ must rescue her; then it's up to the both of them to cure Shakespeare of his monumental writer's block.
4x36 - A Star Is Bored
October 28, 1991
Beetlejuice becomes the Neitherworld's grossest movie star, and finds that fame isn't all it's cracked up to be. Lydia then has to help him back into poverty by ""cleaning up his act.""
4x37 - Oh, Brother!
October 29, 1991
Oh, horrors! Beetlejuice's perfect brother Donnyjuice comes to visit, leaving BJ feeling...a bit down and out. Down-And-Outback, actually. Donny and Lydia set out to cheer Beetlejuice up before he does something drastic.
4x38 - Snugglejuice
October 30, 1991
Its Pranksgiving in the Neitherworld, and Beetlejuice's rival Pondscum (""Pondscum...Germs Pondscum"") looks as if he's going to beat out BJ for the title of Grand High Prankster. Pondscum proves himself to be lower than a Sandworm's belly when he frames BJ for a crime he didn't commit and gets him sentenced to rehabilitation in NeitherNeitherLand. (Have you seen NeitherNeitherLand? Shudder.) Beetlejuice comes out of the ordeal as Snugglejuice, the Cutest Being in the Neitherworld. Can Lydia reverse the process (and help BJ win the Prank Tournament)?
4x39 - In the Schticks
October 31, 1991
When Beetlejuice and Lydia pull a scam, Lydia gets sentenced to washing dishes at The Last Resort Resort on the River Schticks. Beetlejuice, haunted by memories of his Uncle Sid and Aunt Irma, who used to take him to the Last Resort Resort when he was a baby, rushes to Lydia's rescue. Can they survive the awful jokes that abound everywhere on the River Schticks?
4x40 - Recipe for Disaster
November 1, 1991
Lydia's Caesar salad comes to life and attempts to take over the Neitherworld with his legion of surly vegetables. Can BJ and Lydia usurp Caesar and get the rightful rulers of Aroma back on the throne?
4x41 - Substitute Creature
November 4, 1991
Lydia makes a (foolish) wish that Beetlejuice could teach her class for a day, and he grants it. He takes Lydia, Claire, Bertha and Prudence on a trip to ""Historyland"" in the Neitherworld, where they learn a bit more than history--like never trust a professor in a striped suit.
4x42 - Ghoul Of My Dreams
November 5, 1991
The Monster and Monstress have a falling-out, and Beetlejuice takes advantage of the situation by spinning their misery off into a highly rated TV program.
4x43 - Prairie Strife
November 6, 1991
Beetlejuice inherits his Auntie Em's milk farm, located in the Wild West. But the infamous outlaw Jesse Germs has been threatening the locals--can BJ and Lydia thwart his insidious plan to scare everyone off the land?
4x44 - Moby Richard
November 7, 1991
Beetlejuice and Lydia put on 'Disasterpiece Theatre,' and decide to do Moby Dick as their first episode. But Moby ""Richard"" refuses to change the classic to suit Beetlejuice's notions of what a classic should be, and quits--but not without insulting BJ first. BJ lets the character of Captain Ahab take him over, and leads the others on a dangerous mission through Sandworm Land to get revenge on the whale.
4x45 - The Unnatural
November 8, 1991
It's BJ's team against Scuzzo's team in the baseball event of the century! But after a few...uh...setbacks, that becomes BJ and Lydia, all alone, against Scuzzo's entire team. It's Sudden Death for the losers--and who will those losers be?
4x46 - Forget Me Nuts
November 11, 1991
Beetlejuice loses his memory (he's beaned by a satellite), so Lydia takes him to see Dr. Zigmund Void. Void splits BJ's personality, and takes the clone and Lydia within BJ's body by way of a shrinking submersible. They have to find out what is causing BJ's inability to access his memory banks before time runs out and they return to normal size.
4x47 - The Birdbrain of Alcatraz
November 12, 1991
Scuzzo frames Beetlejuice for stealing bad jokes, and gets him sent to The Big House. It's up to Lydia to gather up the evidence she needs to spring Beetlejuice--and then to get the Governor to listen to her story. Meanwhile, BJ copes with afterlife under the disturbingly nurturing watch of Warden June Cleaver.
4x48 - Generally Hysterical Hospital
November 13, 1991
Lydia trips on Beetlejuice's misplaced marbles and sprains her ankle, so BJ takes her to a Neitherworld hospital for treatment. But a greedy resident doctor is looking to make a quick buck and kidnaps Lydia with the intention of charging admission to the public to witness a 'total body transplant'--with BJ as the surgeon!
4x49 - Super Zeroes
November 14, 1991
Beetlejuice tries to cash in on the superhero trend sweeping the Neitherworld by becoming...UltraBeetleMan! With Lydia as his cub reporter sidekick, UBM sets out to thwart crime. Uh...If only there was any. Suddenly, Mt. Gushmore, Scumdon Bridge, The Fallen Arches of Triumph, the Awful Tower--and Lydia--are shrunk by four menacing business tycoons (""Honey, I Shrunk the Lyds""). Can UBM save the day?
4x50 - Beetlegeezer
November 15, 1991
Lydia treats her grandmother as if she's too old to do anything, and Grandma gets sick of it. With the help of Beetlejuice (disguised as Mr. Beetleman's father Grandpa Beetleman), Grandma Deetz takes all the other disgruntled inhabitants of the old folk's home on a wild tour of the Neitherworld.
4x51 - A Very Grimm Fairy Tale
November 18, 1991
Beetlejuice is threatened into telling the Sappy-Faced Ghouls a fairy tale, and they don't want to hear one they already know. But they know them all! BJ finally resorts to inventing a story on the spot, featuring himself, Lydia, Flubbo, and other Neitherworld characters.
4x52 - Wizard of Ooze
November 19, 1991
Yes, this is a Wizard Of Oz spoof. Lydia is Dorothy, BJ is the Scarecrow, Jacques is the Bone Woodsman, the Monster is the Lion, and Ginger is Toto. But you'll never guess who's the Wizard!
4x53 - What Makes BJ Run
November 20, 1991
Mr. Monitor cancels Beetlejuice's show, and while Lydia gets her own children's show (which she hates), BJ goes to work in the mailroom. He quickly takes the opportunity to steal a colleague's show ideas and is rapidly promoted to Mr. Monitor's supervisor. But how long can it last?
4x54 - The Chromazone
November 21, 1991
Beetlejuice gets pulled into The Chromazone, a Twilight Zone spoof. There, BJ has to help Tod Sperling defeat Ima Loony, one of his creations who has begun writing her own scripts. But BJ loses his mind (literally) in the process. If Lydia can't get into the Chromozone in time, BJ will be brainless forever, not to mention vapid.
4x55 - It's a Big, Big, Big, Big Ape
November 22, 1991
When Captain Kidder washes up on the beach babbling of a 90-ft-tall, singing, dancing ape on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean, chaos breaks out. Between BJ and Lydia, Jacques and Ginger, The Monster and Poopsie, The Mayor and Mrs. Bugsly, Chester Slime and Armhold Musclehugger, and Scuzzo and Fuzzo, who will reach the island--and the valuable ape--first?
4x56 - The Neitherworld's Least Wanted
November 25, 1991
Four of Beetlejuice's worst enemies--and LipScum--are organized together by a mysterious gangster named Mr. Big who's got BJ's number. His plan: trick BJ into separating his body parts and be unable to reunite them, until sundown does its dirty work (in case you didn't know, not only does BJ lose all his powers if he's fallen apart, but if he's not all back together by sundown, he's as good as exorcised. (Obviously a rule they made up just for this ep but I like it anyway.) Naturally, Mr. Monitor is on the scene to gather ratings.
4x57 - Don't Beetlejuice And Drive
November 26, 1991
BJ and Doomie are caught distributing phony driver's licenses and sent to traffic school. But BJ's got a plan to escape, and winds up as...a hero?
4x58 - Robbin Juice of Sherweird Forest
November 27, 1991
Yes, Beetlejuice moves to Sherweird Forest and attempts to steal from the rich and...what was that other part again? Oh well. But then the Sheriff of RottingHam kidnaps Lydia and he must rescue her from Prince John DonJuan, the Sherweird Florist, before she crumbles under his bad puns.
4x59 - Midnight Scum
November 28, 1991
Donnyjuice is a wanted man with a huge price on his head--which makes for a perfect opportunity for Beetlejuice to get a little 'closer' to his brother (with the aid of handcuffs, of course). But BJ isn't the only reward-seeker on the scene: he must contend with Deader Alive, the famous bounty hunter from Neitherworld TV.
4x60 - Gold Rush Fever
November 29, 1991
BJ is bitten by the gold bug (yes, literally), and contracts the dreaded Gold Fever. He must find some gold or he'll never get well. But a claim jumper has his eye on BJ's prospect...Can Lydia, Jacques and Doomie save him?
4x61 - Relatively Pesty
December 2, 1991
Beetlejuice inadvertently turns some ants into his Aunts--Auntie Pasto, Auntie Social, Auntie Septic, and Honey Aunt. The Aunts promptly begin getting Beetlejuice and Lydia into trouble (more than usual, anyway). If BJ can't get rid of them pronto, his landlord will throw him out.
4x62 - King BJ
December 3, 1991
Beetlejuice and Lydia go to visit Merlin and discover that the great magician is plotting to overthrow the King. But when BJ pulls the Board from the Bone, he becomes the new King, and Merlin summons the dreaded B.O. Wolf to wipe him out. It's a middle-age crisis for BJ.
4x63 - Catmandu Got His Tongue
December 4, 1991
A black cat burglar makes off with BJ's tongue and takes it to Catmandu. BJ, after 'borrowing' the Monster's tongue, joins the Forlorn Legion with Jacques to storm Catmandu and get his stolen property back.
4x64 - Journey to the Centre of the Neitherworld
December 5, 1991
To get out of housework, BJ passes the time away telling Lydia about the time he and Jacques journeyed to the centre of the Neitherworld to rescue Vern Jewels, who was being held prisoner by Captain Nemo (who wanted to be rewritten into a hero role).
4x65 - Not So Peaceful Pines
December 6, 1991
Beetlejuice does the Mayor of Peaceful Pines a favour, but the Mayor reigns on his promise of a cash reward. So Beetlejuice, in a fit of anger, splits his personality into his good and his bad sides, and the bad side wreaks havoc on the town. Lydia and the good side are forced to fetch Dr. Zigmund Void to help remedy the situation.

Beetlejuice: All seasons

S1: Season 1
20 Episode s
S2: Season 2
13 Episode s
S3: Season 3
11 Episode s
S4: Season 4
65 Episode s

4x1 - You're History

4x2 - Raging Skull

4x3 - Sore Feet

4x4 - Fast Food

4x5 - Queasy Rider

4x6 - How Green Is My Gallery

4x7 - Keeping Up With the Boneses

4x8 - Pranks for the Memories

4x9 - Caddy Shock

4x10 - Two Heads Are Better Than None

4x11 - Beauty and the Beetle

4x12 - Creepy Cookies

4x13 - Poe Pourri

4x14 - Ear's Looking at You

4x15 - Beetlebones

4x16 - Smell-A-Thon

4x17 - The Miss Beauty-Juice Pageant

4x18 - Sappiest Place On Earth

4x19 - Brinkadoom

4x20 - Foreign Exchange

4x21 - Family Scarelooms

4x22 - Them Bones, Them Bones, Them Funny Bones

4x23 - Hotel Hello

4x24 - Goody Two Shoes

4x25 - Vidiots

4x26 - Ship of Ghouls

4x27 - Poultrygeist

4x28 - It's a Wonderful Afterlife

4x29 - Ghost Writer in the Sky

4x30 - Cabin Fever

4x31 - Highs-Ghoul Confidential

4x32 - Rotten Sports

4x33 - Mr. Beetlejuice Goes to Town

4x34 - Time Flies

4x35 - To Beetle Or Not Beetle

4x36 - A Star Is Bored

4x37 - Oh, Brother!

4x38 - Snugglejuice

4x39 - In the Schticks

4x40 - Recipe for Disaster

4x41 - Substitute Creature

4x42 - Ghoul Of My Dreams

4x43 - Prairie Strife

4x44 - Moby Richard

4x45 - The Unnatural

4x46 - Forget Me Nuts

4x47 - The Birdbrain of Alcatraz

4x48 - Generally Hysterical Hospital

4x49 - Super Zeroes

4x50 - Beetlegeezer

4x51 - A Very Grimm Fairy Tale

4x52 - Wizard of Ooze

4x53 - What Makes BJ Run

4x54 - The Chromazone

4x55 - It's a Big, Big, Big, Big Ape

4x56 - The Neitherworld's Least Wanted

4x57 - Don't Beetlejuice And Drive

4x58 - Robbin Juice of Sherweird Forest

4x59 - Midnight Scum

4x60 - Gold Rush Fever

4x61 - Relatively Pesty

4x62 - King BJ

4x63 - Catmandu Got His Tongue

4x64 - Journey to the Centre of the Neitherworld

4x65 - Not So Peaceful Pines

S1: Season 1

S2: Season 2

S3: Season 3

S4: Season 4