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Joan Crawford Didn't Say No

March 17, 1963

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Car 54, Where Are You? - S2 - E26

When a septuagenarian delicatessen owner reports he will be marrying Joan Crawford, the boys of the 53rd are sent out to bust the phony matrimonial service that promises to pair its clients with Hollywood movie stars.

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Car 54, Where Are You?: Season 2 - 30 Episode s

2x1 - Hail to the Chief
September 16, 1962
Because their partnership has lasted so long, the secret service choose Toody and Muldoon to drive the president to the U.N. Unfortunately, Muldoon is incapacitated by the stress of ferrying his hero, Kennedy.
2x2 - One Sleepy People
September 23, 1962
Francis and Lucille get the wrong idea, while watching a steamy movie on TV, that each loves the other.
2x3 - A Man Is Not an Ox
September 30, 1962
When a medical doctor sees similarities between two oxen yoked together for 10 years and Car 54's occupants, the boys try to behave out-of-sync, but fail.
2x4 - Schnauser's Last Ride
October 7, 1962
The boys recount what happened when Schnauser was taken off his mounted police route.
2x5 - Toody & Muldoon Sing Along with Mitch
October 14, 1962
When the 53rd precinct Whippoorwills audition for Mitch Miller, it's clear which of the 4 is the problem, but who will tell Toody?
2x6 - Occupancy, August 1st
October 21, 1962
Mrs. Bronson causes trouble again -- by moving in to her promised apartment on the day it was promised to her -- but it's not finished! Once again she's adept at deflecting all opponents.
2x7 - Remember St. Petersburg
October 28, 1962
A fortune-telling scam ring mistakes Leo as royalty, and calls Sylvia with the news. Another mistake has the con artists convincing an undercover Toody that he's royalty, and Leo's his brother.
2x8 - That's Show Business
November 4, 1962
Muldoon's sister Peggy lands a part in the play "Waiting for Wednesday" and the boys of the 53rd Precinct become financial backers before learning that it's a gritty play about police brutality.
2x9 - Toody Undercover
November 11, 1962
Toody winds up undercover as part of a mob ring. His intimate knowledge of the area (bank layouts, burglar alarms & patrolmen habits) makes him a better crook than cop.
2x10 - I Hate Captain Block
November 18, 1962
When Toody takes care of Captain Block's parrot, he decides to teach it to talk. But this backfires when he says he hates Captain Block in front of the bird, and the parrot begins repeating it.
2x11 - A Star Is Born in the Bronx
November 25, 1962
Sylvia Schnauser goes into delusional rapture when asked to plug cookies on television.
2x12 - Pretzel Mary
December 2, 1962
The boys finally bust a nasty nuisance in the Park - "Pretzel Mary". When they see her deplorable living conditions they replace her furniture - not realizing what they're taking away.
2x13 - 142 Tickets on the Aisle
December 9, 1962
When the boys of the 53rd Precinct suddenly show an interest in the clean and uplifting Broadway epic "Little Miss Pioneer," so does the prurient public.
2x14 - Stop Thief
December 16, 1963
After overhearing the Captain rehearsing a play in his office, the boys think he's a kleptomaniac! They "cover" for him by re-stealing all his Xmas presents. Can they make things right by the end of Christmas Eve?
2x15 - Je T'Adore Muldoon
December 30, 1962
To get girl-shy Francis to ask the Captain's niece to the Mardi Gras Ball, the 53rd conspires to boost his ego. Suddenly, he's a Casanova! Who will go to the Ball?
2x16 - The White Elephant
January 6, 1963
A gang buys the cursed eatery next to the bank to drill through the common wall into the vault -- but the boys of the 53rd stop by to see how they're doing, and help them establish a luncheonette instead.
2x17 - Benny the Bookie's Last Chance
January 13, 1963
Benny's up for parole yet again, and the boys are sure he's going straight now. They set him up w/a candy store, and when he gets "in trouble" and tries mightily to get back in jail, the 53rd won't hear of it
2x18 - The Presidential Itch
January 20, 1963
An unexpected challenger vies to unseat Muldoon in his bid to be reelected as president of the policeman's Brotherhood Club.
2x19 - Toody & Muldoon Meet the Russians
January 27, 1963
The boys chaperon two Russian ambassadors, and turn them into American capitalists.
2x20 - Here We Go Again
February 3, 1963
Muldoon's father, Patrick was a police captain and a hero -- or was he?
2x21 - The Star Boarder
February 10, 1963
Gunther and Lucille Toody are trying to make some extra money. They decide to rent a room,taking in a preacher as a paying boarder. He seems as honest as the day is long but is he actually who he says he is?
2x22 - The Biggest Day of the Year
February 17, 1963
After Tooday tells Muldoon that "today's a very important day",Muldoon,the men & high ranking officials,try to figure out why it is.
2x23 - Here Comes Charlie
February 24, 1963
The boys of the 53rd Precinct attempt to help rehabilitate chronically drunk Charlie by finding him a job where he won't be tempted to drink, but the officers'regular visits to check up on Charlie have an unnerving effect on his teetotalist coworkers. A Larry Storch tour de force!
2x24 - See You at the Bar Mitzvah
March 3, 1963
When the boys find out that no one is going to the Bar Mitzvah of one boy on their basketball team because of his hated father, they spring into action.
2x25 - I've Been Here Before
March 10, 1963
A criminal gang bases its heists on the plots of the television program "Crimebusters," which program is also one of Officer Toody's favorite shows.
2x26 - Joan Crawford Didn't Say No
March 17, 1963
When a septuagenarian delicatessen owner reports he will be marrying Joan Crawford, the boys of the 53rd are sent out to bust the phony matrimonial service that promises to pair its clients with Hollywood movie stars.
2x27 - Lucille Is 40
March 24, 1963
Lucille is upset over turning 40, so Gunther decides to surprise her by buying her a wig for a birthday gift, a deceptively simple endeavor fraught with misunderstanding and melodrama when nosy Sylvia Schnauser stumbles upon the scheme.
2x28 - The Loves of Sylvia Schnauser
March 31, 1963
Sylvia Schnauser helps the police dept. to set a trap for con artists posing as book publishers.
2x29 - Puncher & Judy
April 7, 1963
At the begging and pleading of a girl (Shari Lewis) at a local beauty parlor, Toody and Muldoon enlist the help of champion boxer, (Sugar Ray Robinson) in a scheme to discourage a local male hair dresser at the same parlor from continuing his amateur boxing career.
2x30 - The Curse of the Snitkins
April 14, 1963
A jinx arrives at the 53rd and continues his streak of bringing bad luck wherever he goes.

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Joan Crawford Didn't Say No

Car 54, Where Are You? - S2 - E26

Car 54, Where Are You?: Season 2 - 30 Episode s

2x1 - Hail to the Chief

2x2 - One Sleepy People

2x3 - A Man Is Not an Ox

2x4 - Schnauser's Last Ride

2x5 - Toody & Muldoon Sing Along with Mitch

2x6 - Occupancy, August 1st

2x7 - Remember St. Petersburg

2x8 - That's Show Business

2x9 - Toody Undercover

2x10 - I Hate Captain Block

2x11 - A Star Is Born in the Bronx

2x12 - Pretzel Mary

2x13 - 142 Tickets on the Aisle

2x14 - Stop Thief

2x15 - Je T'Adore Muldoon

2x16 - The White Elephant

2x17 - Benny the Bookie's Last Chance

2x18 - The Presidential Itch

2x19 - Toody & Muldoon Meet the Russians

2x20 - Here We Go Again

2x21 - The Star Boarder

2x22 - The Biggest Day of the Year

2x23 - Here Comes Charlie

2x24 - See You at the Bar Mitzvah

2x25 - I've Been Here Before

2x26 - Joan Crawford Didn't Say No

2x27 - Lucille Is 40

2x28 - The Loves of Sylvia Schnauser

2x29 - Puncher & Judy

2x30 - The Curse of the Snitkins

Car 54, Where Are You?: All seasons

S1: Season 1

S2: Season 2