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I Didn't Raise My Pig to Be a Soldier

September 28, 1966

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Green Acres - S2 - E3

When the Ziffels go on a second honeymoon at Niagra Falls, they leave Arnold with Oliver and Lisa. While there, Arnold is drafted by the U.S. Army.

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Green Acres: Season 2 - 30 Episode s

2x1 - Wings Over Hooterville
September 14, 1966
Lisa tells the story of how she and Oliver met. During WWII, Oliver's plane was shot down and he was stranded in a tree. Lisa rescues Oliver, but doesn't trust him because he ""spends more time talking than smooching"". After Lisa's story, the farmers of Hooterville discover their crops are being destroyed by some unknown insect. Mr. Kimball identifies it as the ""Bing Bug"". The farmers appoint Oliver to dust all the crops, but not being in the cockpit for years causes trouble for Oliver in Mr. Haney's cheap plane.
2x2 - Water, Water Everywhere
September 21, 1966
Mr. Haney has Willie the well-witcher to witch him a new well. But when Mr. Haney has plenty of water, Oliver loses his water. The same thing happens when Oliver has a new well witched, then the Ziffels run out of water. When they get a new well, then Mr. Drucker runs out of water. Oliver decides that Hooterville should open a reservoir. Soon afterwards, everyone has enough water, but when everyone turns on their faucets, they lose their electricity.
2x3 - I Didn't Raise My Pig to Be a Soldier
September 28, 1966
When the Ziffels go on a second honeymoon at Niagra Falls, they leave Arnold with Oliver and Lisa. While there, Arnold is drafted by the U.S. Army.
2x4 - How to See South America By Bus
October 5, 1966
Oliver ends up with a new client named Collins, who turns out to be a very attractive woman, whose first name is Amy, who wants Oliver's legal help about her farm. Oliver has to make regular visits to Amy's farm to help her with her farm. Lisa begins thinking that Oliver is cheating on her, and after hearing Doris Ziffel talking, believes that Oliver is going to kill her, and runaway to South America to elope with Amy. Little does Lisa know the facts, and that Mrs. Ziffel was really talking about the recent episode of her favorite show.
2x5 - The Ugly Duckling
October 19, 1966
Ralph Monroe is devastated when Mr. Kimball turns her down again. Lisa decides to help Ralph out, by making her more feminine. Oliver is forced to sleep in the barn with Eb, while Lisa works day and night to doll up Ralph. Later, at a dinner party, the new Ralph is presented to the unsuspecting Mr. Kimball, who likes Ralph even less now, for Lisa claims she didn't have enough time to make Ralph fully feminine.
2x6 - One of Our Assemblymen is Missing
October 26, 1966
Oliver's back on his soap box, delivering fiery patriotic speeches after getting a bill for the State Farm Unattached Duty Tax. No one in Hooterville seems to know what the tax is for, so Oliver tries to contact his assemblyman. That's when he learns Hooterville hasn't held an election for one since 1922. He and Lisa travel to the state capital to meet the governor and remedy the situation.
2x7 - The Good Old Days
November 2, 1966
Lisa is homesick for the Park Avenue penthouse. So Oliver tells her the story of Gus and Etta, a farmer and his Hungarian wife who are broken and poor, but make the best of their new-found farm life. Unfortunately, the story ends with their farm being destroyed by a freak flood, and Lisa then longs for Park Avenue even more.
2x8 - Eb Discovers the Birds and the Bees
November 9, 1966
Eb suddenly discovers he has feelings for Betty Jo Bradley. Eb wants nothing more than to date her, but the advice Oliver gives him, calls the date off, when Eb won't let Betty Jo choose where to go for an evening, and Eb discovers that she's allergic to roses.
2x9 - The Hooterville Image
November 16, 1966
The Hooterville farmers have decided that Oliver is ruining the town's image by doing his farming chores in a suit. Oliver eventually gives in to their demand to wear overalls, but they weren't planning on the fur-covered pair that Lisa's dressmaker has designed.
2x10 - You Ought to Be in Pictures
November 23, 1966
James Stuart from the agricultural department wants to do a film on the pitfalls of new farmers. The locals think "Jimmy Stewart" is coming to make a big Hollywood movie so they all enroll in Haney's acting school. In the meantime, Oliver's farming practices prove especially embarrassing for the camera.
2x11 - A Home Isn't Built in a Day
November 30, 1966
Tired of living in a dump, Lisa demands some serious home improvements. Oliver fires the Monroe brothers and hires an architect to draw up plans. Renovations come to a screeching halt thanks to the Monroes' picket line and famous Hootervillian Rutherford B. Skrug.
2x12 - A Square is Not Round
December 14, 1966
The Douglases try to determine which of their hens is laying square eggs. Once word gets out, Haney and a chicken breeder both want in on the action. Oddly, the cube-shaped eggs don't worry Oliver nearly as much as their toaster that operates when you say the number "five".
2x13 - An Old Fashioned Christmas
December 21, 1966
Oliver decides to have an old fashioned Christmas by chopping down a tree off his property. Mr. Haney warns him that it's against the law to chop down a tree on his own property. So Oilver goes to Drucker's & asks Sam if there's such a law as that. Mr. Drucker tries to sell him an artificial tree with a squirter to squirt the pine ooze out as well as artificial candy canes & popcorn string. Mr. Drucker advises him to get a permit from Hank Kimball, County Agent. After getting the permit, he finally gets to decorate his tree. Over @ the Ziffels, Doris is upset that Arnold has an artificial tree & tells Fred that Mr. Douglas had the right idea. The gang attends the Douglas home to admire the Christmas tree. But they are chased away when Lisa brings out the fruitcakes made out of hotcakes!
2x14 - Never Trust a Little Old Lady
December 28, 1966
It's tomato planting season and Oliver needs some useful weather information. Hooterville relies on WPIXL-TV's Mildred, a little old lady who prances out of her dollhouse, or Walter, the singing weatherman. Both are constantly wrong so Oliver contacts the Weather Bureau which predicts warm days and nights. With the plants in the ground, Hooterville suffers the coldest night of the year. Incredibly, it's Lisa's crepe suzettes that save the crop from the cold.
2x15 - School Days
January 4, 1967
Oliver spends a lot of time in the principal's office when Lisa enrolls at Hooterville High. In school primarily for a cooking course, she also disrupts history class with her own version of Hungary's past, distroys the womens' showers and explodes a chemistry lab.
2x16 - His Honor
January 11, 1967
Oliver misunderstands when the Hooterville bigwigs ask him to be a judge. He thinks he's being appointed an appellate judge but they just want him to judge apples at the county fair. The Douglases travel to New York so Oliver can get some judging advice while Lisa shops for a robe and wig for His Honor.
2x17 - It's So Peaceful in the Country
January 18, 1967
Oliver's mother needs bed rest so what better place than her son's farm. All she has to do is ignore Alf and Ralph's drilling, Haney's tour group, a group of dancing Sioux Indians and their chief who think's she's a looker.
2x18 - Exodus to Bleedswell
January 25, 1967
The residents of Hooterville flock to nearby Bleedswell for jobs at the new defense plant. To keep people from leaving, Hooterville reopens its old airplane factory to fulfill its contract with the Army--signed during WWI.
2x19 - It's Human to Be Humane
February 1, 1967
Bored and looking for a project, Lisa becomes the head of the "Hooterville Human Humane Committee". She takes her cause to the extreme, declaring everything from duck hunting to selling chicken eggs off limits. Soon, the Douglases house is a zoo and the locals are ready to run her out of town.
2x20 - Never Take Your Wife to a Convention
February 8, 1967
The only thing Oliver learns at a farming convention is how to get a hangover. He and Lisa meet up with Charlie, a former gangster-turned-farmer, and Wanda, his floozy dancer wife. The more Charlie talks about his farm, the more Oliver's convinced that his shady days are not in the past.
2x21 - The Computer Age
February 15, 1967
A desperate Ralph Monroe joins a computer dating service to meet a husband. Oliver thinks it's a great idea since computers are always right. Lisa thinks they can't possibly take the place of romance, so she challenges Oliver to test their match-up on the electric brain.
2x22 - Never Start Talking Unless Your Voice Comes Out
February 22, 1967
Oliver has to choose between being a farmer or lawyer when he gets an offer to practice in Washington, D. C. The official-looking letter, however, has the locals convinced that Oliver is hiding an juicy secret from them. After ruling out tax cheat and counterfeiter, that leaves only one choice: CIA agent.
2x23 - The Beverly Hillbillies
March 1, 1967
When the cast takes ill, the Douglases take to the stage in a charity production of The Beverly Hillbillies. After Eb "punches up" a script from the series, Hank Kimball plays Jed Clampett, Oliver appears as Jethro and Lisa portrays Granny with a combination Hungarian/southern accent.
2x24 - Lisa's Vegetable Garden
March 8, 1967
According to Oliver, every farm wife should be growing her own vegetables so Lisa starts her own garden. Armed with useless pamphlets from Mr. Kimball and a flask of perfume, Lisa begins work. It's hardly a money-saving proposition after she buys a tractor, farm supplies, and hires Alf and Ralph as her housekeepers.
2x25 - The Saucer Season
March 15, 1967
Once Eb's wild story about meeting space aliens hits the press, tourists descend on the Douglas farm to meet the new celebrity. Oliver's more concerned about the crowd trampling his crops, but the Air Force takes his claim seriously...at first.
2x26 - Getting Even With Haney
March 22, 1967
Tired of Doris' nagging about having to beat their laundry on a rock in the creek, Fred buys a Grabwell washing machine from Mr. Haney. The boat motor in a barrel goes berzerk, spraying water and clothes everywhere before chasing the Ziffels out their front door. Oliver is more than happy to take their case and stick it to Haney in the courtroom.
2x27 - Kimball Gets Fired
March 29, 1967
Ralph is distraught when her beloved "Hankie" Kimball is fired as the county agricultural agent. His replacement is so rude and insulting that even Oliver is plotting to get Kimball rehired. His scheme is to scare the new guy away by fixing him up with Ralph.
2x28 - The Vulgar Ring Story
April 12, 1967
Lisa says that woman in her family must marry an American every fourth generation to keep the huge ring she now wears. She regales Hooterville with the story of her great, great grandmother, the Queen of the Gypsies, and her courtship of an American artist, Cornelius. Much stealing and dancing is involved.
2x29 - Who's Lisa?
April 19, 1967
While fixing the roof, Oliver accidentally drops a hammer on Lisa's head, giving her amnesia. Initially, he's upset because she doesn't even recognize him. He begins to suspect she's faking so he'll take her to New York for the opening of opera season.
2x30 - Music to Milk By
April 26, 1967
Eb becomes obsessed with winning a contest on a Pixley radio station. To identify all the songs, he has to listen day and night. That becomes even harder after Elenaor the cow swallows the radio Oliver just bought Eb for his birthday.

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2x1 - Wings Over Hooterville

2x2 - Water, Water Everywhere

2x3 - I Didn't Raise My Pig to Be a Soldier

2x4 - How to See South America By Bus

2x5 - The Ugly Duckling

2x6 - One of Our Assemblymen is Missing

2x7 - The Good Old Days

2x8 - Eb Discovers the Birds and the Bees

2x9 - The Hooterville Image

2x10 - You Ought to Be in Pictures

2x11 - A Home Isn't Built in a Day

2x12 - A Square is Not Round

2x13 - An Old Fashioned Christmas

2x14 - Never Trust a Little Old Lady

2x15 - School Days

2x16 - His Honor

2x17 - It's So Peaceful in the Country

2x18 - Exodus to Bleedswell

2x19 - It's Human to Be Humane

2x20 - Never Take Your Wife to a Convention

2x21 - The Computer Age

2x22 - Never Start Talking Unless Your Voice Comes Out

2x23 - The Beverly Hillbillies

2x24 - Lisa's Vegetable Garden

2x25 - The Saucer Season

2x26 - Getting Even With Haney

2x27 - Kimball Gets Fired

2x28 - The Vulgar Ring Story

2x29 - Who's Lisa?

2x30 - Music to Milk By

S1: Season 1

S2: Season 2

S3: Season 3

S4: Season 4

S5: Season 5

S6: Season 6