7x116 - David Arquette, Al Green

March 31, 2000

During Campaign 2000, nobody can muster up any interesting topics, so Dave discusses Daylight Savings Time. Later, Dave brings up the recently-announced discovery that most gay men have unusual finger length, so Dave, Paul and Biff (in a dress) check their hands.

7x117 - Brooke Shields, Oliver Platt, Joni Mitchell

April 3, 2000

Campaign 2000: Dave finds a tick on his suit, panics, calls Dr. Lou Aronne, then shows three ticks close-up using a special camera.

7x118 - David Duchovny, Joe Pistone, Lou Reed

April 4, 2000

Dave announces that the show is adopting (and thus protecting) Cuban refugee Elian Gonzalez; Rupert makes a Biff Henderson sandwich for Paul, but not for Biff; Dave mentions that he received a phone call from Johnny Carson shortly after his shout-out last week.

7x119 - Bonnie Hunt, Shelby Lynne

April 5, 2000

7x120 - Samuel L. Jackson, Jack Hannah

April 6, 2000

7x121 - Jon Stewart, Faith Hill

April 7, 2000

Actor Stephen Tobolowsky sits in; during Mailbag, we learn that Tony is Fidel Castro's estranged son; Jon Stewart tries to give Dave a human heart, and after Dave declines, Jon walks offstage and puts it back in a very annoyed Tony Randall.

7x122 - Bill Cosby, Sarah Vowell

April 10, 2000

7x123 - Jenna Elfman, Jeff Altman, Children of Uganda

April 11, 2000

Dave shows a clip of the recent live television remake of Fail Safe to demonstrate how lax CBS is at preventing profanities from being heard on-air. Also, Jenna Elfman promotes Keeping the Faith.

7x124 - Paul Newman, Pearl Jam

April 12, 2000

Dave announces he's 41 today because he's not counting his 12 years at NBC; during a segment called ""Job Hunting Tips,"" a barbershop quartet sings intern Bob Dickerson's resume; Richard Simmons calls up Daddy to wish him a happy birthday, and Dave promptly hangs up on him.

7x125 - Matthew McConaughey, Kelly Monteith, Willie Nelson

April 13, 2000

Campaign 2000: Dave honors a bald audience member. Later, Biff hands out Broadway tickets to two couples in the audience.

7x126 - Ben Stiller, Brian Regan

April 14, 2000

Mick Taylor of the Rolling Stones sits in; with nothing to discuss, ""Campaign 2000"" lasts exactly six seconds; during Mailbag, Dave and Paul star in the new crime drama ""Good Cop, Good Cop.""

7x127 - Jeff Foxworthy, Vertical Horizon

April 24, 2000

Paul says his 86-year-old father, Bernard Shaffer, had a quintuple bypass yesterday and later Bruce Kapler admits that his dad had a mere double bypass a year ago. Also, Dave stops the show to read the latest issue of Oprah's magazine.

7x128 - Kristin Johnson, Live

April 25, 2000

After discussing Oprah's magazine on and off for the last few weeks, Dave announces that the first issue of ""D,"" the Dave magazine, has finally been rolled out. Also, Alan interrupts ""Campaign 2000"" to announce he's been reunited with his fat German son.

7x129 - Dennis Quaid, Nicole Sullivan, Smashing Pumpkins

April 26, 2000

The INS captures and seizes Tony (twice); Purdue University basketball coach Gene Keady presents the Top Ten; The Smashing Pumpkins perform ""Blue Skies Bring Tears.""

7x130 - Salma Hayek, Ray Romano

April 27, 2000

The INS harasses Tony again; Rob Burnett appears live via satellite from LA for ""Campaign 2000""; Alan and his fat, gender-confused German son celebrate Take Your Daughters to Work Day.

7x131 - Natalie Portman, Lennox Lewis

April 28, 2000

During Mailbag, Alan admits to doing the deed with Janet Reno; production assistant Jeremy Weiner is subjected to Paul's favorite game, ""Staffer/Not a Staffer""; David Wells and Bernie Williams present the Top Ten.

7x132 - David Spade, Marion Jones

May 1, 2000

Jimmy Webb and Glen Campbell sit in; Dave announces the blood test following last week's tick incident came out negative; in homage to a trend that sweeping various TV shows nowadays, ""Campaign 2000"" is shown in letterbox; independent film maker Mark Borchardt presents his interview with former Presidential candidate Gary Bauer.

7x133 - Kim Basinger, Oasis

May 2, 2000

Live via satellite, we go to Preston Luggage in Dallas for another lengthy chat with Al Cordova and his assistant Kathy. Also, during ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria Pope introduces Rob Burnett, who walks onstage to a standing ovation.

7x134 - Dana Carvey, Alison Krauss & Union Station

May 3, 2000

Dave honors ""Great Bald Men throughout History"" (him, Paul, and Dwight D. Eisenhower), while we watch the latest round of ""Biff Henderson's Fun with a Stopwatch.""

7x135 - Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Mitch Hedberg

May 4, 2000

Julia Louis-Dreyfus sings a song from West Side Story, and Jerry Seinfeld shows up to ""sing"" with her. Also, Dave shows footage of a woman dropping a bowling ball on her husband's noggin.

7x136 - Stupid Human Tricks, Joaquin Phoenix, Mighty Mighty Bosstones

May 5, 2000

Dave announces he was pulled over for speeding again, then kisses up to the New York State police; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Dave sings the praises of Tivo; ten jockeys present the Top Ten.

7x137 - Betty White, Hanson

May 8, 2000

Apparently, Michelle O'Calaghan had another baby over the weekend; Dave says he's been called to jury duty, prompting a brief state of panic; during another ""What's New"" segment, Pat and Kenny attempt to recite Shakespeare; a morbidly obese man is introduced as the winning jockey of last weekend's Kentucky Derby.

7x138 - John Travolta, Cast of Kiss me Kate

May 9, 2000

Dave continues to comment on the jury duty situation; the outside cam heads for Joe G's to play ""Would You Like To Win a Phony Check for 350 Million Dollars?""; after three years of struggling, Rob Burnett finally shows footage of his daughters not being afraid of the Easter Bunny.

7x139 - Kelsey Grammer, Caroline Rhea

May 10, 2000

Dave shows a CNN clip and a newspaper article pertaining to the jury duty controversy; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Paul admits he had a nightmare involving Maria Pope; Caroline Rhea discusses relationships.

7x140 - Kathie Lee Gifford, Debra Messing

May 11, 2000

Kathie Lee Gifford discusses her pending departure from her talk show, then ""sings"" ""Love Never Fails.""

7x141 - Richard Simmons, Sarah Vowell

May 12, 2000

Rob and Dave go over the ground rules for Richard Simmons' latest visit tonight, including permission to use a fire extinguisher on Richard if needed; during Mailbag, Dave becomes pen-pals with viewer Tyler Gatlin; ten celebrity moms (including Gerard and Dorothy) present the Top Ten, though it wouldn't become a yearly tradition until 2002.

7x142 - Gillian Anderson, Foo Fighters

May 15, 2000

Peter Frampton fills in for Felicia Collins, who had a gig; Paul mentions that Anton is getting married over this coming weekend; Rob announces that Ed has officially been picked up for NBC's fall schedule.

7x143 - David Hyde Pierce, Phish

May 16, 2000

Dave mangles the song ""Memory,"" while Rupert and Tony Randall are invited to ""Campaign 2000"" but have absolutely nothing worth saying.

7x144 - Hugh Grant, Carly Simon

May 17, 2000

Campaign 2000: Dave mentions the final episode of Beverly Hills, 90210, which proceeds into another one of Alan's crying jags.

7x145 - Jackie Chan, Jim Gaffigan

May 18, 2000

A man pretending to be Les Moonves delivers a Murder, She Wrote to Dave; the retirement of longtime White House press corps member Helen Thomas is discussed, so Dave shows a gag reel showing memorable moments of her career dating back to 1492; Dave promotes tomorrow night's bowling ball stunt.

7x146 - Ringo Starr, Jane Krakowski

May 19, 2000

Dave announces that this is the season finale; Dave and Maria bid farewell to Rob Burnett, who will now be busy at work with Ed; Tonya Smith drops a bowling ball on the head of Ken Richmond from 12 feet above the stage; Ringo Starr and the All-Starr Band sing ""With a Little Help from My Friends.""

7x147 - Michael J. Fox, Richard Harris

May 22, 2000

Dave has problems adjusting the lumbar of his chair; Maria Pope brags about sleeping 21 hours straight; Michael J. Fox discusses his health-related ""retirement"" from television.

7x148 - Earvin 'Magic' Johnson, matchbox 20

May 23, 2000

Buzz Aldrin interviews this year's nominees for the Daytime Emmys in a spacesuit; Mujibur and Sirajul make a basketball wager with Rupert; Dave flips through a furniture catalog; Matchbox Twenty performs ""Crutch"" out on the sidewalk.

7x149 - Nathan Lane, Gloria Estefan

May 24, 2000

James Earl Jones reads excerpts from Richard Simmons' new autobiography; ""Biff Henderson's America"" spends a couple of days in Calhoun, Missouri; a man pretending to be Les Moonves promotes the new game show Survivor while dressed up as Moses.

7x150 - Sarah Jessica Parker, Penn & Teller

May 25, 2000

""Biff's Fun with a Stopwatch"" goes to a Pacers playoff game, during which he shoplifts, then harasses a fat guy.

7x151 - Dan Patrick, Owen Wilson, B.B. King

May 26, 2000

Dave drops his flipped pencil; during Mailbag, ""Bob Knight"" (Gerard) cannibalizes one of his players; Dave discusses his new chair.

7x152 - Alicia Silverstone, David Brenner

June 5, 2000

7x153 - Lisa Kudrow, Tom Dreesen, Steve Earle and the Dukes

June 6, 2000

Dave makes his first-ever comments on the CBS' latest hit Survivor, and then brings up jury duty again, exclaiming ""Some dudes will be going down!""

7x154 - Robert Duvall, Don Henley

June 7, 2000

Dave says Campaign 2000 is ""largely void of content, (and) just a big waste of time."" During tonight's segment, however, Paul openly wishes that they would use his name as a clue on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Also, Alan gives tips for summer safety, which quickly morphs into an excuse to rip off his shirt and pour suntan lotion all over his body.

7x155 - Roger Ebert, Nia Long

June 8, 2000

Dave introduces Paul as Wayne ""Fat Boy"" Ewing; in honor of Survivor, George Clarke locks himself in the boiler room with nothing but a video camera and some rations, and eventually ends up chewing his arm off; Biff reports from Game 1 of the NBA Finals in Los Angeles.

7x156 - Martin Lawrence, Sinead O'Connor

June 9, 2000

Paul hosts a game called ""Staffer / Not a Staffer,"" in which Dave must guess if the person onstage is one of his underlings. He correctly guesses that it is a staffer; talent researcher Nick Prueher. Also, Maria Pope discusses a recent trip to Hooters.

7x157 - Jimmy Connors, David Coulthard

June 12, 2000

Dave announces that he's fulfilled his jury duty up in Connecticut (he didn't make the cut); George Clarke continues to hold on for dear life in the boiler room; Biff visits the NBA Finals in LA; Maria and Paul offer their condolences to Dave.

7x158 - Marv Albert, Heath Ledger, Bon Jovi

June 13, 2000

Pat Farmer fixes Dave's chair; during an outside cam bit involving the CBS Store and a new electronics shop next door, Tony Randall is found standing on the roof for no particular reason; the 2000 Stanley Cup Champion New Jersey Devils walk onstage for ""Campaign 2000,"" then hang out at the CBS Store.

7x159 - Calista Flockhart, Isaac Hayes

June 14, 2000

Dave announces the birth of Kathy Mavrikakis' daughter; George Clarke is now trapped in the boiler room with two prostitutes, and then declares himself a ""Volcano God""; Isaac Hayes conducts an orchestra performing the theme from Shaft.

7x160 - Naomi Campbell, Juan Montoya

June 15, 2000

An old man (not Calvert) shuffles his feet onstage at the end of the monologue, then walks away; for Campaign 2000, Maria introduces Stacey Stillman, the first Survivor loser to appear on the Late Show; Dave tastes Naomi Campbell's new shower gel.

7x161 - Stupid Pet Tricks, Jimmy Kimmel, Billy Bragg & Wilco

June 16, 2000

Laurie Diamond brings Dave a new cup of coffee after someone steals his mug; during Mailbag, Gerard comments on Survivor; during ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" Dave accidentally steps on dog's tail and gets bitten on the face.

7x162 - John McEnroe, Busta Rhymes

June 19, 2000

7x163 - Mark Wahlberg, The Deftones

June 20, 2000

Paul Rodgers of Bad Company sits in on vocals; after Dave worries about possible civil disobedience in downtown LA after the Lakers' NBA Championship, Harold Larkin opens the door to reveal rioting outside the theater; Mark Wahlberg promotes The Perfect Storm.

7x164 - Dana Carvey, No Doubt

June 21, 2000

Dave shows a (phony) tape of Tiger Woods disintegrating opponents' balls with his laser eyes; during Campaign 2000, ""Rita Buttgas"" (Jude Brennan) returns to celebrate the one-year anniversary of her victory on ""Alan's Secret Word"" and discusses the hardships she's had since her fleeting fame fizzled; Dana Carvey and Dave share stories about their heart problems.

7x165 - Samuel L. Jackson, P.J. Ollson

June 22, 2000

George continues to hold on to dear life in the boiler room; ""non-surviving Survivor"" Ramona Gray interrupts ""Campaign 2000""; PJ Olsson performs ""Visine.""

7x167 - Tom Brokaw, Eric Idle

June 26, 2000

Dave repeats the footage of the dog bite from last week, now claiming that a ""wild dingo"" gave him rabies; Dave says George W. Bush is ""(as) dumb as a box of tools""; after his interview, Tom Brokaw walks straight back to Rockefeller Center.

7x168 - James Belushi, Third Eye Blind

June 27, 2000

Dave confesses that he has a slight crush on British news anchor Daljit Dhaliwal. Later, Alan interrupts Dave to congratulate the genetics scientists for cracking the genetic code, then offers ""specimens"" for the lady researchers.

7x169 - Martha Stewart, Travis

June 28, 2000

Ted Nugent sits in; Dave rants about the ""wild island sex"" on Survivor; Martha Stewart arrives onstage on a red, white and blue bike, then gives The Nuge a guitar case made entirely of pinecones.

7x170 - George Clooney, Warren Zevon

June 29, 2000

Maria tells Dave that newscaster/hottie Daljit Dhaliwal has been booked for next week, while Dave announces that he's doing a favor for a cop who stopped him for speeding recently by having him appear on the show. Also, Dave and Survivor loser Dirk Been comment on how everybody's losing weight on the show except Richard Hatch.

7x171 - Jay Thomas, David Sedaris

June 30, 2000

Dave brags that he's going to a gin n' tonic party after the show to look for some babes; during Mailbag, Biff blows Dan Rather's head off; a social worker named Lauren is the first real decoy to appear on ""Staffer- Not a Staffer.""

7x172 - Tom Arnold, Brian Wilson

July 3, 2000

Dave plays the tapes of the dog bite and the deer attack yet again; during Campaign 2000, Maria introduces Dave to a First Mate in the US Navy, and 200 sailors from the USS Nassau storm the stage right afterward; Brian Wilson and Friends perform ""Sloop John B.""

7x173 - National Hollerin' Champions, Skye McCole Bartusiak

July 4, 2000

Dave introduces the ""Late Show Liberty Dancers""; live via telephone, the owner of a nearby fireworks shop shoots explosives; the finalists of this year's National Hollerin' Championship perform onstage.

7x174 - Ellen Degeneres, Sheryl Crow & Steve Earle

July 5, 2000

The ""Liberty Dancers"" are rechristened ""The 5th of July Dancers""; an audience guy with a very distinctive goatee is the subject of a reality show-themed Top Ten; Dave bullies Tony into promoting his self-titled internet program.

7x175 - Daljit Dhaliwal, Shawn Wayans

July 6, 2000

Dave finally meets Daljit Dhaliwal, who seems more interested in discussing world affairs then responding to Dave's thinly-veiled flirting. Also, Shawn Wayans promotes Scary Movie.

7x176 - Jason Alexander, Tracy Chapman

July 7, 2000

Pat and Kenny replace Dave's chair; Dave welcomes Sgt. John Best of the Marshall (Texas) Police Department as the new co-host of the show; Jerry Foley appears on ""Staffer- Not a Staffer"" and nearly stumps Dave.

7x177 - Bruce Willis, Elliot Smith

July 17, 2000

Dave asks the viewers at home to have a nice, tasty beverage while they watch the show; Survivor tenth-place finisher Gretchen Cordy drops by; Elliott Smith performs ""Somebody That I Used to Know.""

7x178 - Marilu Henner, Dixie Chicks

July 18, 2000

Live from the theater basement, it's ""Let's Look for Rats."" The piece gets off to a slow start, until Alan runs downstairs to scare them into appearing on camera.

7x179 - Will Ferrell, Ben Folds Five

July 19, 2000

Dave continues to refer to Paul as Wayne ""Fat Boy"" Ewing; Alan shows Dave photos from his recent vacation; Maria confirms that Al Gore's interested in being a guest on the show; Ben Folds Five (in their last TV appearance) performs ""Regrets.""

7x180 - Jeff Daniels, Bob Sarlatte

July 20, 2000

Continuing with a running gag that started the previous week, Dave shows a ""Anna Kournikova Play of the Day"" (footage of her drinking a water bottle), followed by similar clips from Don Zimmer and Larry King. Also, Gerard impersonates Survivor loser Greg Buis (who was sick) for a spirited chat during ""Campaign 2000.""

7x181 - Jon Stewart, Lucy Pearl

July 21, 2000

Dave trims off half of his tie; Alan has a crying jag over Kathie Lee Gifford's departure from her daytime talk show; Dave and Jon Stewart discuss politics.

7x182 - Harrison Ford

July 24, 2000

Pat and Kenny play Frisbee on the roof; the latest roll call introduces us to such people behind-the-scenes as Tony Mendez's puppet-master, Dave's fiancé and Paul's girlfriend (the same woman), and a staffer who's still living in his Y2K bunker; Dave suggests that a proposed Bush-Gore debate on the show will utilize Jai Alai scoring.

7x183 - Don Rickles, Ween

July 25, 2000

Dave suggests that someone on the staff is messing around with his chair; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria Pope tells Dave that there has been no word from the Bush camp; George Plimpton reads the new Harry Potter book, but not aloud; Ween performs ""Even If You Don't.""

7x184 - Kathie Lee Gifford, Bev Tanner

July 26, 2000

A new controversy brews as Dave claims he's going to dust his chair for ""ass prints""; Harold Larkin is attacked by a giant can of Off! bug spray; Kathie Lee Gifford receives a farewell present from Dave.

7x185 - Connie Chung, Harry Hill

July 27, 2000

An audience member names all ten of her grandkids; the entire theater is filled with mosquito spray; Kathie Lee returns to present the Top Ten.

7x186 - Roseanne, David Gray

July 28, 2000

Dave hits Alan with a baseball bat; a blonde woman pretending to be Kathie Lee says goodbye forever to Dave; David Gray performs ""Babylon.""

7x187 - Edie Falco, Macy Gray

July 31, 2000

Dave shows (bogus) footage of a guy with defibrillator paddles standing near Dick Cheney during a television interview. Later, Macy Gray sings ""I Try.""

7x188 - Nathan Lane, John Pizzarelli Trio

August 1, 2000

During ""Campaign 2000,"" Tony Randall botches a comedy piece. Later, Nathan Lane talks about his dog and sings.

7x189 - Joy Philbin, Joe Lockhart

August 2, 2000

Alan goes berzerk and chases a man outside. Later, Dave chats with President Clinton's press secretary Joe Lockhart.

7x190 - Al Roker, Craig Ferguson

August 3, 2000

Maria introduces Dave to ""Survivor"" contestant Gervase Peterson. Later, NBC weatherman Al Roker promotes his new book.

7x191 - Darrell Hammond, Todd Rundgren

August 4, 2000

During CBS Mailbag, Mujibur and Sirajul debate ""Do you like monkeys?"", which results in a lengthy fistfight. Later, after another one of Inky Mendez's tantrums, we see an ad for ""Dave and Tony's How to Rant In Spanish"" educational videotape.

7x192 - Tom Selleck, Jordan

August 7, 2000

For no apparent reason, the CEO of Qualcomm presents Dave with a check for ,000. Later, Dave chats with Jean Jordan, the stripper-turned-writer who was eliminated from ""Big Brother 1.""

7x193 - Al Franken, Guster

August 8, 2000

""The Late Show Iron Chef"" pits Rupert Jee against Joe G. Rupert wins decisively with his chicken rollatini.

7x194 - Sam Donaldson, Kid Rock

August 9, 2000

Biff goes outside to count sweaty people; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Alan interrupts Maria with a soulful rendition of ""Send in the Clowns.""

7x195 - Jennifer Lopez, Reggie Jones

August 10, 2000

Paul joins Dave for ""Know Your Jewish U.S. Senators."" During ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria introduces Dave to ""Survivor I"" runner-up Colleen Haskell.

7x196 - Vince Vaughn, Eels

August 11, 2000

Vince Vaughn promotes ""The Cell,"" while Maria expresses her optimism in a possible debate between George W. Bush and Al Gore right here on the show.