8x117 - Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Simon

March 21, 2001

Dave introduces the bandleader as "Paul W. Shaffer"; the "spring flying rat migration" is observed outside; Bill DeLace does a hidden-camera Top Ten inside a beauty salon.

8x118 - George Carlin, Powderfinger

March 26, 2001

A segment called "What We Love about Spring in New York" finds George Clarke in his favorite sundress and Harold Larkin beating the crap out of a pay phone. Also, Dave refuses to read #1 on tonight's Top Ten because he disagrees with the joke ("Gladiator sucks!").

8x119 - Nathan Lane, Shannon Elizabeth, Cast of The Producers

March 27, 2001

Dave announces he's feuding with AOL, claiming that they're "a rinky dink little deal" and that the "bastard geeks" are monitoring his email; the Top Ten is aborted; Nathan Lane performs a number from the hot Broadway show The Producers.

8x120 - Jennifer Love Hewitt, Train

March 28, 2001

A really tall guy (approximately 6' 8") sits in with the band; Biff goes to Chappaqua, New York to gather gossip on the Clintons; Train performs "Drops of Jupiter."

8x121 - Johnny Knoxville, The Go-Go's

March 29, 2001

Paul's weekend plans are somehow incorporated into "Know Your Current Events," while Dave finally meets his hero du jour, Johnny Knoxville of Jackass.

8x122 - Isabella Rossellini, Wendy Lieberman

March 30, 2001

At the end of the monologue, Dave does his suit-modeling shtick; during Mailbag, Dave gets included in this year's Academy Award "In Memoriam" reel; Dave decides that from now on he'll do one thing each evening to annoy CBS, and for starters, he yawns repeatedly.

8x123 - Craig Kilborn, Warren Zevon

April 2, 2001

Dave and Paul announce that on Friday a 40-piece orchestra will be sitting in onstage later in the week; Dave rants about AOL again; Warren Zevon performs "I Was in the House When the House Burned Down."

8x124 - Hugh Grant, Sade

April 3, 2001

Dave claims he's been sending tons of obscene e-mail to AOL and that is ready to sue them for monitoring everyone's messages; Biff makes his annual visit to Yankees Spring Training; after Dave brings up David Copperfield's latest stunt "The Tornado of Fire," we go to the boiler room for George Clarke's "The Tornado of Soup," in which several buckets full of soup are thrown at him.

8x125 - Paul Reubens, Run DMC & Stephan Jenkins

April 4, 2001

The "Late Show All-Star Security Camera" finds 70's sitcom star Gabe Kaplan trying to sneak inside the theater; Dave and Gaines argue over a Top Ten list that may be too offensive to air on TV, but Dave reads it anyway; Alan rants about the upcoming final episode of Xena: Warrior Princess, and to no one's surprise, falls to the ground and sobs in the fetal position.

8x126 - David Spade, Amanda & Jonny Schwebel

April 5, 2001

Dave tells a lengthy "driving home on 684" story, and later he chats with a pair of fraturnal twins that recently interviewed former President Clinton.

8x127 - Carson Daley, Jann Karem, The CBS Giant Orchestra

April 6, 2001

After four days in the making, it's "Orchestra Night" at the Late Show, with fifty combined strings, brass, and woodwind players taking up nearly the entire stage; during Mailbag, Paul and Dave settle a small claims dispute on the new daytime law program "Tony Mendez: Angry Cuban Judge"; Carson Daly is introduced to the tune of Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir"; Dave gets a free harp lesson.

8x128 - Mike Krzyzewski, Semisonic

April 9, 2001

Dave fumes over the reworked DVD edition of Lawrence of Arabia, and Jerry Foley letterboxes Dave and turns him blue to show the home viewers what Daddy saw on the disc. Later, he chats with Coach Mike Krzyzewski of NCAA men's hoops champ Duke University.

8x129 - Renee Zellweger, Stephen Malkmus

April 10, 2001

8x130 - Holly Hunter, Idlewild

April 11, 2001

Dave returns to last night's rant about his faulty Lawrence of Arabia DVD, and announces that the producers sent him a new copy today, and that it did the same thing, thus leading Dave to the conclusion that his Pioneer DVD player was the problem all along. Later in the show, he flips through a catalog to pick a new player.

8x131 - Tom Green, Dr. Geoffrey Marcy

April 12, 2001

Dave celebrates birthday #54 by repeatedly showing a Gap ad featuring a very comely woman dancing/walking; we are treated to a clip show of some of the various moments of the last year, including the "dingo" bite and the cottage cheese-loving duck; Maria mentions that Pioneer was willing to give Dave a new DVD player on-air, but Dave politely screamed "No!"; the Hi-Ho girls bring out a giant cake, and Biff delivers slices to the audience.

8x132 - LL Cool J, The Living End

April 13, 2001

CBS Mailbag: "Who does your taxes?" Dave points out that someone named Jimmy does his taxes, and via flashback, we learn Jimmy is actually a dog. At the end of the segment, Jimmy walks onstage to a standing ovation. Also, Dave claims Paul and Felicia were married in Brussels, Belgium over the weekend, and ten accountants (including Fred Nigro) present the Top Ten.

8x133 - Liv Tyler, Billy Idol

April 23, 2001

Dave looks back at all the interviews he's done with booted Survivor contestants, then gives his usual cold-shoulder approach to 5th place finisher Rodger Bingham.

8x134 - Billy Crystal, The Bee-Gees

April 24, 2001

Dave announces the woman from the Gap commercials is going to be on the show later this month, and then grumbles that he's given the Gap® several free runs of the commercial and he hasn't gotten any freebies from them. In a last ditch effort, Dave orders Jerry to run the commercial two more times, and near the end of the show he skims through their latest catalog.

8x135 - Don Rickles, Jayson Williams

April 25, 2001

Dave reports CBS sales figures the Late Show has run about ,000 worth of free Gap® commercials so far, and for the first fifteen minutes of the show Tony accounts the free items Dave may or may not be receiving (a value). In honor of having "Gap Girl" Melissa Bernheim on the show tomorrow night, George Clarke does his own version of the scintillating commercial.

8x136 - Sylvester Stallone, Green Day

April 26, 2001

Throughout the night, "Gap Girl" Melissa Bernheim dances onstage; Dave mentions his victory at last night's American Comedy Awards; Dave says CBS will air this year's semi-controversial Miss Universe on May 11, so "Miss France, Elodie Gossuin" (Gerard) attempts to put at rest the idea that Miss France is male, with little conviction.

8x137 - John Goodman, Jeff Stilson

April 27, 2001

Melissa Bernheim dances onstage again; during Mailbag, Dave's middle initial is added to the theatre marquee, but if falls off and kills a guy; John Goodman does his own version of dance, and then gives Dave a jar of cocktail okra.

8x138 - Kirsten Dunst, Cirque de Soleil

April 30, 2001

Dave comments on Survivor contestant Elizabeth Filarski's hair loss and how the producers of the show did not come to her aid; Dave (repeatedly) shows a clip from last night's live performance of On Golden Pond, during which he rants about censorship after the clip shows a boy saying "bulls***ting'" rather than stand by Maria's desk, Dave invites Elizabeth to sit down; Kirsten Dunst celebrates her 19th birthday.

8x139 - Matthew Broderick, Brandi Chastain

May 1, 2001

Dave says the ladies on staff at the Empire State Building gave him a private viewing at the Hayden Planetarium. Also, Dave shows a (fake) clip of The Weakest Link where "Anne Robinson" (Kathleen Ankers) goes on a profanity-laced tirade.

8x140 - Regis Philbin, David Gray

May 2, 2001

Dave tells multiple "It was so hot today…" jokes; the outside cam catches a doctor at a sidewalk booth doing laser eye surgery with a magnifying glass; Dave plays the background music from "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" during his latest chat with Regis.

8x141 - Bill Murray, Stevie Nicks

May 3, 2001

Dave announces he's the real Survivor; all sixteen of the show's most recent contestants present the Top Ten; Stevie Nicks performs "Candlebright."

8x142 - Joan Cusack, Andy Kindler

May 4, 2001

Shuggie Otis sits in on guitar, and later the band performs his one and only hit, "Strawberry Letter 23." Also, during Mailbag, Gerard and his fake son Timmy comment on the pending writer's strike.

8x143 - Tina Wesson, Kate Hudson, The Blind Boys of Alabama

May 7, 2001

Dave mentions the Kentucky Derby, then whines about not getting to hear Dave Johnson saying "…and down the stretch they come!" Luckily, the other Dave does it for Daddy by phone. Later, Dave (the host) chats with Survivor: Outback champion Tina Wesson.

8x144 - Uma Thurman, Blues Traveler

May 8, 2001

8x145 - Kid Scientists, Juliette Lewis

May 9, 2001

In her first appearance on the show, intuitive Deborah Lynn attempts to get George Clooney's phone number. She gives Dave a random number, but it's invalid. After the first commercial break, Dave asks her to find Pamela Anderson's number, but he ends up chatting with the owner of a trucking company in Idaho.

8x146 - Jenna Elfman, Destiny's Child

May 10, 2001

Dave rants about last night's Country Music Awards, claiming it's not "real country" anymore; Harold Larkin addresses an important labor issue until the whistle blows and he has to go back to work; Jenna Elfman tells a funny (albeit lengthy) story about donating bone marrow.

8x147 - Heath Ledger, Lewis Black

May 11, 2001

Mailbag: "I'm going to see a movie this weekend. Which one should I see?" Dave introduces a segment called "Kenny Sheehan's Movie Review," during which the stagehand watches a movie, and then hates it so much he destroys the projector. Also, Dave wishes his mom (live via satellite) a Happy Mother's Day, so a stand-in for Dave gives Dorothy a hug, and later they chug a few Heinekens.

8x148 - Charlie Sheen, Missy Elliot

May 14, 2001

Dave calls Art Kelly (the theater receptionist) about a possibly offensive joke from last Fridays' monologue involving Miss Columbia and having smuggling heroin as her talent. Dave apologizes (sort of) to a Columbian consulate, then goes on with the rest of show. Also, "Biff Henderson's America" takes a look at the hamlet of Whiting, Maine.

8x149 - John Travolta, R.E.M.

May 15, 2001

Returning to last night's controversy, Dave announces Miss Columbia 2001 will be a guest on Thursday's show, then profusely apologizes for the heroin-smuggling remark; Dave shows an ad for CNN's season-ending cliffhanger; R.E.M. performs "All the Way to Reno (You're Going To Be a Star").

8x150 - Mike Myers, David Byrne

May 16, 2001

Dave tells a string of "It's so dry…" jokes during the monologue; David Byrne performs "Like Humans Do."

8x151 - Andrea Noceti, Jack Hannah, Ricky Martin

May 17, 2001

A technical issue near Paul's keyboards is repaired in the middle of the first act; Dave mentions that a cover of The Weathergirls' "It's Raining Men" (written by Paul in 1983) is the #1 hit in the UK for the second week in a row; Dave apologizes in person to Miss Columbia Andrea Noceli, then almost forgets to give her flowers.

8x152 - Kelsey Grammar, Smothers Brothers

May 18, 2001

Mailbag: harp player Gloria Agostini plays live accompaniment for the chin-rubbing flashbacks, Anton feeds his goldfish chips and salsa, and Tony ruins the season finale of The Sopranos by dropping the bombshell en espanol.

8x153 - Ray Romano, Dennis Tito

May 21, 2001

Buddy Guy sits in on guitar; Dave congratulates Regis on his much-deserved Daytime Emmy win; Steph/Monty tells an amusing story about her incontinent Doberman; Alan Kalter has a special message for the five wives of a recently convicted polygamist in Colorado City, Utah.

8x154 - Stupid Human Tricks, Ellen DeGeneres

May 22, 2001

Dave shows the audience his favorite (bogus) moment from last night's show: astronaut/billionaire Dennis Tito vaporizing Dave's head with his laser eyes. Also, Ellen Degeneres promotes an upcoming cable special, while a Stupid Human Trick is performed twice.

8x155 - Alec Baldwin, Yogi Berra

May 23, 2001

Ray Benson sits in; "NYPD Chief of Police" William DeLace gives tips to college grads; baseball great Lawrence "Yogi" Berra promotes his autobiography.

8x156 - Tom Brokaw, Badly Drawn Boy

May 24, 2001

Dave celebrates Bob Dylan's 60th birthday with concert footage of a very old man struggling to play the guitar; Tony Orlando interrupts Dave to sing an original number about Memorial Day; Badly Drawn Boy (aka Damon Gough) performs "Once Around the Block."

8x157 - Danny DeVito, Larry Miller

May 25, 2001

Mailbag: "Have you ever seen the Monkey Man?" Dave introduces the Monkey Man, who as any keen-eyed viewer can attest, is actually Gerard Mulligan in disguise. Monkey Man shows us a clip what is supposed to be his footage of him wrecking havoc, but instead it's him superimposed on Shecky's "monkey washing the cat" stock footage. Afterward, Dave observes, "That's it. That's the lowest we've sunk... ever."

8x158 - Helio Castroneves, Tom Dreesen, Lucinda Williams

June 4, 2001

Dave presents the new studio floor, which is now dark blue after several years of being crimson red; Dave admits he's having problems with his computer; Biff mentions that he's lost twenty pounds in the last month, then introduces yet another "Fun with a Bullhorn" segment.

8x159 - David Duchovny, Trisha Yearwood

June 5, 2001

Paul accidentally interrupts the monologue by getting attacked by a bee during the monologue, and Dave gives him grief for the remainder of the show.

8x160 - Jimmy Fallon, The Black Crowes

June 6, 2001

It's time for a segment called "For the Kids." George Clarke hogs the attention of an ice cream vendor, a Toys r Us employee takes a bow, Tony attempts to teach basic phrases in Spanish before going on another one of his rants, and Alan gives birth.

8x161 - Dan Rather, Elvis Costello & Anne Sofie von Otter

June 7, 2001

Dave drones on and on about a buzzkill staffer who declined Dave's offer of a free apple; in honor of this unknown staffer, Paul reprises his hit song "Lumpy Colon"; Dave repeats Rupert's very first "bothering people" bit from 1994.

8x162 - Andy Dick, Brian Regan

June 8, 2001

During Mailbag, Dave is repelled by President Bush's daughter "Debbie" (Gerard); ten CBS affiliate weathermen present the Top Ten; Andy Dick promotes Go Fish.

8x163 - Marv Albert, Sugar Ray

June 11, 2001

Dave criticizes the Los Angeles Lakers' "pixie" jerseys; Dave shows news footage of a bear in somebody's swimming pool, and then claims it's his backyard; Paul introduces some dweeb bouncing on a giant red beach ball.

8x164 - Luke Perry, Jim White

June 12, 2001

Paul wins the latest round of "Late Show Pay Phone Trifecta"; Dave chats with Steph/Monty via telephone to discuss a blind date that never happened; the "Top Ten Other Television Shows Produced by Saddam Hussein" is sponsored by Altoids.

8x165 - Kim Cattrell, Mary Chapin Carpenter

June 13, 2001

Dave helps Paul with some computer problems; in honor of the coming demise of Bozo the Clown, Dave shows (bogus) footage of the kiddie show star; Tony Mendez tries to help NYC's reputation by going out and giving a tourist some help, only to end up shoplifting a VCR at a electronics store.

8x166 - Star Jones, blink-182

June 14, 2001

Dave continues to discuss the retirement of Bozo the Clown, but his remarks about big, red, ugly hair results in an inevitable hissy fit from Alan. Also, Dave honors the passing of Leonard Tepper with old clips of "Leonard Tepper's Hidden Video" and Dave directing him and Rupert on how to annoy people.

8x168 - Dikenbe Mutombo, David Bowley, Cesaria Evora

June 18, 2001

After Paul admits that he doesn't recall what he looks like, Dave calls receptionist Art Kelly to ask if he's ever been formally introduced to the bandleader. Art doesn't give Dave a straight answer.

8x169 - Tom Arnold, David Sedaris

June 19, 2001

Team Rahal racer Kenny Brack inexpicably sits in on guitar, while David Sedaris reads a selection from his new book.

8x170 - Jimmy Kimmel, PJ Harvey

June 20, 2001

A remarkably slim and trim Biff introduces footage of him hanging out at the Grand Prix in Detroit. Also, Dave and Paul (of all people) talk about hair care, which proceeds into a new segment called "Hairpiece- Not a Hairpiece."

8x171 - Ewan McGregor, Moby

June 21, 2001

Paul sits in the guest chair for five minutes so he can promote Cover Wars, a new game show he's hosting on VH1. Also, Alan announces that Epil stop n' spray is the new official sponsor of the Top Ten list, then shows video footage of it's hair "restoration" abilities.

8x172 - Chris Elliot, Harry Hill

June 22, 2001

Mailbag: "What would you do if the world was coming to an end?" Dave admits he doesn't know much about this topic, so he introduces astrophysicist "Dr. Saul Perlmütter" (Gerard), who announces that the world will end somewhat earlier than was previously thought; around Labor Day 2001, an eerie prediction.

8x173 - John McCain, Shawn Wayans

June 25, 2001

Dave has another rant about his computer problems, claiming that Late Show techno-guru Walter Kim keeps coming to his house on weekends to try to help, but he steers clear of insulting IBM because of an advertising agreement with CBS. Also, Dave brags out Max Papis' (of Team Rahal) victory in last weekend's Portland 200.

8x174 - Catherine Zeta-Jones, Depeche Mode

June 26, 2001

Dave continues to steam over his technological issues; Catherine Zeta-Jones calls Dave "Jay" and profusely apologizes; Depeche Mode performs "I Feel Loved."

8x175 - Marlon Wayans, Alan Webb, Coldplay

June 27, 2001

Dave's computer problems only get worse, as he couldn't name a certain part he needed, causing IBM to send him the wrong part. Also, Dave chats with prep athlete Alan Webb, the new national high school mile record holder.

8x176 - Sean Hayes, Brian Wilson, Darrius Rucker, Matthew Sweet

June 28, 2001

Dave goes on a spiel about the traffic on the interstate this morning; an "Incredible Dog Challenge" is held outside, with the winning dog jumping over a giant phony check for a million dollars; Brian Wilson, Darius Rucker, and Matthew Sweet perform The Beach Boys' "Sail On Sailor."

8x177 - Tony Danza, Nick DiPaolo

June 29, 2001

Mailbag: all of tonight's letters are read by James Earl Jones, George Clarke's flashback to a night of sex and gambling is sponsored by Donald Trump's Taj Mahal hotel, and an alleged Late Show writer is attacked by a bear.

8x178 - Reese Witherspoon, Jonatha Brooke

July 9, 2001

Dave announces that he may have parasites crawling around head, prompting Paul to call him a "maggot brain"; Dave and Steph/Monty go over vacation pictures; Dave confirms that he has parasites by taking a sentence on a blue card too literally; a guy bouncing a giant tether ball to his head makes an appearance on "Is This Anything?"

8x179 - Julia Roberts, Travis

July 10, 2001

Dave announces that Jude Brennan's cousin (a parasite expert) has told him that there's nothing to worry about. Also, on a remarkably star-studded night, Puff Daddy appears for a special Top Ten list, while Dave sees through Julia Robert's blouse and asks her if she's getting laid.

8x180 - Edward Norton, Dido

July 11, 2001

Dave grumbles about the lack of quality guests appearing on the show, during which Paul comments on his inappropriate question towards Julia Roberts ("Are you getting laid these days?") last night. Dave replies with "exclusive" footage of Paul asking Barbara Bush the same question. Also, Pat, Kenny, and Harold Larkin star in the new HBO series "Sexy Guys, Sexy City," while a renegade blue card knocks out Tommy Lasorda.

8x181 - Juliana Marguiles, George Miller

July 12, 2001

Dave theorizes on the show's four Emmy nominations (announced earlier that day)- either no one's watching or the voters don't care anymore; for the second night in a row, Alan is beaten up by a guy twice his size; a comedy bit from Show #499 about Steve Martin's preparations for appearing as a guest is repeated.

8x182 - Vince Vaughn, Elayne Boosler

July 13, 2001

Dave introduces "live satellite feed" of President Bush staring of into space; during Mailbag, Alan throws one of tonight's letter writers (played by Jay Johnson) out of a fourth-story window; ten chefs present the Top Ten.

8x183 - Piedmont Bird Callers, Hank Azaria, Maria McKee

July 16, 2001

Rather than come out of nowhere, Dave orders the muscle guy to pummel Alan; during a segment called "Summertime Leftovers," Dave once again shows footage of his "look-alike" (himself, circa his morning show) playing "Camptown Races" on the fiddle; Simpsons star Hank Azaria plugs America's Sweethearts.

8x184 - Kelly Ripa, Bob Sarlotte

July 17, 2001

Alan is caught nibbling on a pizza, but surprisingly doesn't get beaten up; Dave makes a snarky comment about Jay Leno's chin; former David Letterman Show announcer Bob Sarlette talks football with Dave over the closing credits.

8x185 - John McEnroe, Youssou N'Dour

July 18, 2001

Alan orders a pizza, and the delivery guy beats him up; live via satellite from the Indianapolis suburbs, Dorothy celebrates her 80th birthday with a Dave impersonator and a fridge full of Colt 45®; John McEnroe is interviewed twice after Dave gets curious as to which fellow tennis players he's dated.

8x186 - Jon Favreau, The Holmes Brothers

July 19, 2001

Another pizza for Alan results in another beating for Alan; Dave shows a photo of the FBI Building with the "I" missing; Joan Osbourne and The Holmes Brothers perform "Can't No Grave Hold My Body Down."

8x187 - Billy Crystal, Al Lubel

July 20, 2001

Dave brags about his mom's 80th birthday "whoop-tee-doo and grabass" this weekend; during Mailbag, Dave rescues Paul from The Man on Fire; Billy Crystal clobbers the guy who regularly beats up Alan.

8x188 - Jeff Meyer, Christopher Walken, Widespread Panic

July 23, 2001

A celebration for Calvert's 80th birthday turns into an excuse for Dave to ignore him and flirt with the Hi-Ho girls; Dave chats with Jeff Meyer, who named a poplar tree after Daddy; Christopher Walken talks about his recent appearance in the Fatboy Slim video "Weapon of Choice."

8x189 - Tom Selleck, David Rakoff

July 24, 2001

Delbert McClinton sits in; Steph/Monty (live via telephone from the 12th floor) discusses in length her plans from last weekend; Tom Selleck introduces an old movie clip of him, and then plays the ukulele.

8x190 - Mark Wahlberg, Michael Lomonaco, Tegan & Sara

July 25, 2001

Dave proudly announces that he's wearing orange socks tonight, but only so he can shove Steph's face into a birthday cake after the show; Alan gets beat up yet again, and remains bruised and bloodied for the rest of the show; Mark Wahlberg promotes the remake of Planet of the Apes.

8x191 - Greg Kinnear, Afro Celt Sound System & Peter Gabriel

July 26, 2001

The tambourine player sitting in with the band beats up Alan; Dave shows another old comedy clip to kill time (Show #818, Dave's harassment of delivery people); Greg Kinnear tells Dave what it's like to pilot a single-engine airplane.

8x192 - Marilu Henner, Hugh Fink

July 27, 2001

Mailbag: "How long has Paul been bald?" Dave fears that this might be a sensitive question, but Paul rubs his chin anyway. A flashback reveals that Paul used to have a long, wavy mane before an accident with Dave's chemistry set turned him into a bald, hideous freak. Vowing revenge, Paul turns into a superhero and eggs Dave's car.

8x193 - Kristin Davis, Nanci Griffith, Mark Borschardt

July 30, 2001

Some guy dressed up as "Lance Armstrong" comes onstage on a bicycle and beats up Alan, then runs over to Hello Deli to pummel Rupert. Later, Dave shows photos of him stuffing Steph/Monty's face into a birthday cake, while filmmakers Mark Borchardt and Mike Shank go to Comic-Con.

8x194 - Sean Combs

July 31, 2001

Dave makes Rupert play a deli-themed version of "Beat the Clock." Later, after his conversation with Sean Combs goes longer than expected, Dave is forced to chat with newsanchor Daljit Dhaliwal for only a few seconds.

8x195 - Lance Armstrong, Thora Birch, Jamie O'Neal

August 1, 2001

8x196 - Nicole Kidman, Iggy Pop

August 2, 2001

8x197 - Antonio Banderas, Jeffrey Ross

August 3, 2001