3x2 - Yawn Carter / Franklin and Crash

June 4, 2012

After receiving a device from Abin Sur, John Carter teleported to Mars. There he meets Marvin the Martian who dubs him "Yawn Carter" for his long winded boring back story. Marvin asks Carter for his help to fight their civil war, but Carter is reluctant since he would rather search for gold. Marvin's dog K-9 grabs Carter and takes him to their village. Seeing that he has survived the trip, it is declared that Carter has super powers that can be useful in the war. While there Carter is greeted by the princess Dejah Thoris, who informs him that she has be betrothed to J'onn J'onzz a man she does not love. J'onzz has Carter arrested for fraternizing with Thoris. As punishment, Carter is pitted to a fight to the death with ravenous Bruno Mars. Carter manages to kill Mars, escape to the arena, and crash the wedding. However, Carter learns that the entire events were just an elaborate plan for Thoris to get an engagement ring. As Carter declares his feelings and gives her a diamond ring, Thoris teleports Carter back to Earth. / Trial lawyer, Jared Franklin is paired with Crash Bandicoot. Together the two must defend the Prince of the Cosmos who has been accused of property damage from creating large katamaris. At the trial, prosecutor Sonic the Hedgehog presents compelling video evidence showing the Prince in the process of creating various katamaris. Finally, the Prince calls upon his father, the King, who explains that the Prince's activities were to help repopulate the cosmos with new stars, as the King accidentally did away with all the old stars. As he speaks, the King takes the entire courthouse and hurls it into space to make it the final star in the Alfred E. Newman constellation. / Also: Madvent Calendar, Burglar Disguised as a Raccoon, Sports Drink Drink, RPG Nerd Has to Get a Life, Alfred E. Neuman for President Celebrity Endorsement, The Woman in Back, Spy vs. Spy, and Mini Golf