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Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Mystery Science Theater 3000 - S3 - E21
In the theater, the crew watches as a group of Martians, eager for their own Christmas back on Mars, abduct Santa and two children in "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (1964). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots share essays about Christmas. This episode features the song "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas."
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Season 3 - 24 Episode s
3x1 - Cave Dwellers
June 1, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as blonde barbarian called Ator fights to protect the mighty "Geometric Nucleus" from falling into the hands of a power-hungry villain in "Cave Dwellers" (1984). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel teaches the bots the art of Foley.
3x2 - Gamera
June 8, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as Japan comes under attack by Gamera, a giant, fire-breathing turtle monster, who also befriends a schoolboy in "Gamera" (1965). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Gamera pays a visit. This episode features the song "Tibby, Oh Tibby."
3x3 - Pod People
June 15, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as a little kid befriends a magic alien he calls Trumpy, while Trumpy's alien family go on a murder spree in "Pod People" (1983). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Trumpy's magic is causing chaos. This episode features the songs "Idiot Control Now" and "Clowns in the Sky."
3x4 - Gamera vs. Barugon
June 22, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as the legendary Gamera saves Earth from Barugon, a giant kaiju that hatches from a mysterious ruby egg in "Gamera vs. Barugon" (1966). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots present the 5000-piece Fightin' Men & Monster Set.
3x5 - Stranded in Space
June 29, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as an astronaut finds himself on a parallel Earth with a dystopian government in “Stranded in Space” (1973). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Tom bakes cookies.
3x6 - Time of the Apes
July 13, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as a woman and two children emerge from cryogenic capsules only to find themselves in a world populated by anthropomorphic apes in "Time of the Apes" (1987). Meanwhile on the SOL, Crow deconstructs the fashions of the future. This episode features "The Sandy Frank Song."
3x7 - Daddy-O
July 20, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as a drag-racing singer investigates a murder and unwittingly becomes a courier for drug smugglers in "Daddy-O" (1958). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots re-enact some drag-racing. This episode features the short "Alphabet Antics" and the song "Hike Your Pants Up."
3x8 - Gamera vs. Gaos
July 27, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as Gamera, The Friend to All Children, battles the pterosaur-like kaiju called Gaos, in "Gamera vs. Gaos" (1967). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel performs a plate-spinning act as Gaos the Great.
3x9 - The Amazing Colossal Man
August 3, 1991
Movie Plot: A man grows to giant size after getting too close to a nuclear blast. On the SOL: Crow and Tom won't let Joel into their cardboard fort / the crew tries to think of things to do if they were 50 feet tall. In Deep 13: The Mads create a plant that reviews music.
3x10 - Fugitive Alien
August 17, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as an alien soldier defects to help Earth battle his former masters during an invasion in "Fugitive Alien" (1986). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel attempts to make sense of the plot using the Syd Field's Screenplay Model. This episode features the in-theater song "He Tried to Kill Me with a Forklift."
3x11 - It Conquered the World
August 24, 1991
Movie Plot: A cheesy alien-attack 1950s movie. Also riffed was the short "Snow Thrills." On the SOL: Joel is getting ready to be on Star Search / Servo hosts a winter-sports broadcast / the crew complains about their dinner. In Deep 13: Frank and Dr. Forrester dress up as dead people."
3x12 - Gamera vs. Guiron
September 7, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as Gamera battles the knife-headed kaiju called Guiron, and attempts to rescue two abducted schoolboys in "Gamera vs Guiron" (1969). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Crow ruins Joel's big magic trick. This episode features Joel and the bots' own version of the "Gamera" theme song, in English and in dubious Japanese.
3x13 - Earth vs. the Spider
September 14, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as teenagers and a science teacher attempt to exterminate the giant spider that's rampaging through their small town in "Earth vs. the Spider" (1958). Meanwhile, on the SOL, there's a surprise performance from the rock group, Spidorr. This episode features the short "Speech: Using Your Voice."
3x14 - Mighty Jack
September 21, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as a secret organization with a flying submarine protect the world from the terrorist group "Q" in "Mighty Jack" (1968). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Crow and Servo fail to capture Joel in a prison of blinding light. This episode features the song "Slow the Plot Down."
3x15 - Teenage Caveman
November 9, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as a teenage caveman sets out on a prehistoric Rumspringa, leaving his tribe to explore the jungle in "Teenage Caveman" (1958). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots examine the pendulum of human development. This episode features the shorts "Aquatic Wizards" and "Catching Trouble."
3x16 - Gamera vs. Zigra
October 19, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as Gamera battles the shark-like alien monster Zigra, who wants to seize the Earth from mankind, in "Gamera vs. Zigra" (1971). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots get a visit from Kenny and Helen, Gamera's young friends from the film. This episode features variations of the "Gamera Theme Song."
3x17 - Viking Women and the Sea Serpent
October 26, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as Viking women in search of their missing husbands do battle with a society of barbarians, in "The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent" (1957). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel has developed a worrying obsession with waffles. This episode features the short "The Home Economics Story."
3x18 - Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
November 16, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as the Fugitive Alien, Ken, returns to help the human crew of the Bacchus 3 destroy the devastating super-weapon of Ken's homeworld in "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II" (1987). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots present the Captain Joe action figure. This episode features the "Fugitive Alien Medley."
3x19 - War of the Colossal Beast
November 30, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as the military attempts to capture a fifty-foot soldier who is ravaging Mexico in "War of the Colossal Beast" (1958). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots get a visit from Glenn Manning, the Colossal Man himself. This episode features the short "Mr. B Natural."
3x20 - The Unearthly
December 14, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as a mad scientist searches for a youth serum and performs experiments on his patients in an isolated sanitorium in "The Unearthly" (1957). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Crow and Servo learn to appreciate Gypsy for all the little things she does around the ship. This episode features the shorts "Posture Pals" and "Appreciating Our Parents."
3x21 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
December 21, 1991
In the theater, the crew watches as a group of Martians, eager for their own Christmas back on Mars, abduct Santa and two children in "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (1964). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots share essays about Christmas. This episode features the song "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas."
3x22 - Master Ninja I
January 11, 1992
In the theater, the crew watch as an American ninja and his young sidekick protect local businesses from corrupt cops, thugs, and sleazy businessmen in "Master Ninja I" (1984). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Joel and the bots reveal the many alternatives to nunchucks. This episode features "The Master Ninja Theme Song."
3x23 - The Castle of Fu Manchu
January 18, 1992
In the theater, the crew watches as the wicked Doctor Fu Manchu uses an ocean-freezing chemical in an attempt to take over the world in "The Castle of Fu Manchu" (1969). Meanwhile, on the SOL, the film causes Joel and the bots to suffer emotional breakdowns.
3x24 - Master Ninja II
January 25, 1992
In the theater, the crew watches as an aging American ninja and his young sidekick do typical ninja stuff: fighting terrorists and helping tuna cannery workers unionize in "Master Ninja II" (1984). Meanwhile, on the SOL, Tom assigns appropriate pets to a variety of crime-fighting characters.