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The Colbert Report
Season 9
Episode 31

Ian McKellen

December 3, 2012

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The Colbert Report - S9 - E31

The Report hosts Hobbit Week, safer streets weaken a Republican wedge issue, medical grade sheds replace nursing homes, and Sir Ian McKellen prefers Gandalf the Grey.

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The Colbert Report: Season 9 - 81 Episode s

9x1 - Ben Folds Five
October 1, 2012
Paul Ryan tiptoes around tax plan costs, U.S. prison labor threatens small business, Iran's presidential aides visit Costco, and Ben Folds Five explains their album title.
9x2 - Jorge Ramos
October 2, 2012
Stephen releases "America Again," pastors endorse politicians on Pulpit Freedom Sunday, the Romney camp praises Obama's rhetoric, and Jorge Ramos talks immigration policy.
9x3 - Kenny Rogers
October 3, 2012
America meets Mitt Romney for the first time, George Will points out Obama's racial advantage, doctors treat low testosterone, and Kenny Rogers recounts his music career.
9x4 - Dr George Church
October 4, 2012
Mitt Romney pledges to defund PBS, Chris Matthews berates Barack Obama, Pennsylvania rules against voter ID laws, and Harvard geneticist George Church explores DNA.
9x5 - Mark Kelly
October 8, 2012
Lower unemployment rates prompt GOP conspiracy theories, rich Americans want Obama's respect, World of Warcraft shapes a state campaign, and Mark Kelly talks mice in space.
9x6 - Morrissey
October 9, 2012
Barack Obama seeks "obsessive" supporters, the Russian Church blesses the North Pole, Mitt Romney vaguely bullies four countries, and Morrissey slams the British Royal Family.
9x7 - Naomi Wolf
October 10, 2012
7-Eleven and Pizza Hut participate in politics, doctors prescribe Adderall for bad test scores, bears invade America's malls, and Naomi Wolf sheds light on female anatomy.
9x8 - Chrystia Freeland
October 11, 2012
Joe Biden debates Paul Ryan, Martian Obama rumors surface, Stephen argues with Stephen over Mitt Romney's conservative credentials, and Chrystia Freeland talks "Plutocrats.
9x9 - Evan Thomas
October 15, 2012
Red Bull sponsors a record sky dive, the EU receives the Nobel Peace Prize, Florida deals with a marauding monkey, and Evan Thomas reveals President Eisenhower's views on war.
9x10 - Cory Booker
October 16, 2012
CNN enhances debate viewing, Emily Bazelon talks affirmative action, Paul Ryan pretends to volunteer, and Mayor Cory Booker explores party platforms and social media.
9x11 - Tyler Perry
October 17, 2012
Mitt Romney's Benghazi accusations backfire, two-parent households fix gun problems, Congressman Scott DesJarlais flip-flops on abortion, and Tyler Perry talks "Madea.
9x12 - The Killers
October 18, 2012
A squirrel votes for Mitt Romney, a farmer puts candy in cow feed, Stephen reports on the world's only Corn Palace, and The Killers discuss their clean-cut reputation.
9x13 - Donald Sadoway
October 22, 2012
Colin Small trashes voter registrations, CEOs threaten personnel over the election, Andrew Cuomo seeks to decriminalize pot, and Donald Sadoway shares his battery brainchild.
9x14 - John Grisham
October 23, 2012
Mitt Romney's presidential smile wins out, undecided voters skip the debates, Lance Armstrong's doping taints his charity, and John Grisham writes about crooked lawyers.
9x15 - Anthony Everitt
October 24, 2012
Donald Trump wants Barack Obama's passport papers, Fox News rehashes the Benghazi attacks, Richard Mourdock justifies rape pregnancies, and Anthony Everitt talks Rome.
9x16 - Mitch Daniels
October 25, 2012
Ovulation cycles sway female voting, Tom Hanks concocts neutral Halloween costumes, and Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels talks about his book, "Keeping the Republic.
9x17 - Lilly Ledbetter
October 31, 2012
Hurricane Sandy wreaks havoc on New Jersey, Mitt Romney hosts a relief rally, Donald Trump cuts Obama some slack, and Lilly Ledbetter explores gender pay discrimination.
9x18 - David Byrne & St. Vincent
November 1, 2012
Michael Bloomberg issues post-Sandy travel mandates, Mitt Romney sways Billy Graham on Mormonism, and music marvel David Byrne teams up with St. Vincent.
9x19 - Nate Silver
November 5, 2012
Colbert Super PAC inspires Mitt Romney, Sasha Issenberg talks data-driven politics, Joe Scarborough doubts liberal math models, and Nate Silver reviews election statistics.
9x20 - Election 2012: A Nation Votes, Ohio Decides; The Re-Presidenting of America: Who Will Replace Obama? '12
November 6, 2012
America snubs the nice Romney boy and picks Obama, Andrew Sullivan sheds light on the election, and Joe Donnelly beats Richard Mourdock in Indiana.
9x21 - Doris Kearns Goodwin
November 7, 2012
Liberals and conservatives taint the election, Bill O'Reilly blames Romney's loss on non-whites, wind turbines affect mental health, and Doris Kearns Goodwin recites history.
9x22 - Rachel Maddow
November 8, 2012
New York experiences a nor'easter, an Albany strip club claims to sell art, platonic friends learn the scientific truth, and Rachel Maddow talks election night.
9x23 - Ken Burns
November 12, 2012
CIA Director David Petraeus steps down after an affair, Karl Rove faces angry benefactors, Jon Stewart assists Colbert Super PAC, and Ken Burns shares "The Central Park Five.
9x24 - Newt Gingrich
November 13, 2012
The media weighs presidential nominees for 2016, Sonia Sotomayor crushes girlish pipe dreams, and Newt Gingrich admits he guessed wrong about the election.
9x25 - Tony Kushner
November 14, 2012
"America Again" offends Canadians, Wall Street chucks its weakest link, Christopher Steiner reviews computer trading, and screenwriter Tony Kushner talks "Lincoln.
9x26 - Chris Stringer
November 15, 2012
Campbell's promotes soups for millennials, the Petraeus scandal escalates, meth protects against influenza, and Chris Stringer talks primitive humans.
9x27 - Jake Tapper
November 26, 2012
Shoppers break Black Friday records, the Supreme Court deliberates copyright law, Pope Benedict XVI modifies the nativity, and Jake Tapper discusses the Afghanistan War.
9x28 - Dolly Parton
November 27, 2012
Police bust a Canadian for lying about Santa, congressional Republicans abandon Grover Norquist, Reihan Salam describes Reagan's tax plan, and Dolly Parton promotes literacy.
9x29 - Frank Oz
November 28, 2012
Powerball sales skyrocket, Fox News explains why women can't get married, Harry Reid tries to curb filibusters, and Frank Oz talks Muppets.
9x30 - Sean Carroll
November 29, 2012
America foregoes a nuclear moon missile, Boeing blocks pension benefits to gay couples, Stephen pushes "America Again," and Sean Carroll explains the Higgs field.
9x31 - Ian McKellen
December 3, 2012
The Report hosts Hobbit Week, safer streets weaken a Republican wedge issue, medical grade sheds replace nursing homes, and Sir Ian McKellen prefers Gandalf the Grey.
9x32 - Martin Freeman
December 4, 2012
Hobbit Week continues with Bilbo Baggins, testosterone gels trigger family hair growth, morning sickness socks Kate Middleton, and Martin Freeman talks TV roles and Tolkien.
9x33 - Andy Serkis
December 5, 2012
Hobbit Week honors Denny's, the Senate votes down universal disability rights, and Andy Serkis compares "The Lord of the Rings" Gollum to "The Hobbit" Gollum.
9x34 - Peter Jackson
December 6, 2012
Hobbit Week ends, Stephen gets the Madame Tussauds treatment, and Peter Jackson receives clarification on Tolkien lore.
9x35 - Diana Krall
December 10, 2012
Fans lobby for Stephen's Senate appointment, David Petraeus declines a presidential proposal from Roger Ailes, and Diana Krall resists jazz standards.
9x36 - Malcolm Gladwell
December 11, 2012
Budget deal talks hit a wall, North Korea unearths a unicorn lair, California's ex-gay therapy ban meets resistance, and Malcolm Gladwell chats about man's best friend.
9x37 - Mandy Patinkin
December 12, 2012
"America Again" defeats Papa Bear's bestseller, Jeff Bingaman gives Stephen a Senate how-to, Fox News attacks the 9/11 site mosque, and Mandy Patinkin talks national security.
9x38 - Simone Campbell
December 13, 2012
Rockers raise money for Hurricane Sandy victims, Vince Gilligan leaks "Breaking Bad" footage, Colbert Super PAC money finds a home, and Simone Campbell talks social justice.
9x39 - Jimmy Wales
January 7, 2013
Republicans agree to tax the wealthy, a coin solves the debt ceiling debate, Bill O'Reilly insults Asians, and Jimmy Wales shares Wikipedia's next steps.
9x40 - Chris Kluwe
January 8, 2013
The Forever Stamp skyrockets in value, blood transfers boost health, the Senate looks into "Zero Dark Thirty," and Chris Kluwe defends same-sex marriage.
9x41 - Neil Shubin
January 9, 2013
Idaho builds a firearms village, the NRA solves gun violence with more guns, wheat addiction spirals, and Neil Shubin explores humans' shared history with rocks.
9x42 - Ben Gibbard
January 10, 2013
A man makes love to a couch, Obama flaunts his testosterone-filled Cabinet, Kevin Garnett hassles Carmelo Anthony, and musician Ben Gibbard grows up.
9x43 - Piers Morgan
January 14, 2013
Joe Biden develops gun law recommendations, Ted Nugent references Rosa Parks, a nonprofit disputes Vitaminwater, and Piers Morgan talks gun control.
9x44 - Jared Diamond
January 15, 2013
Lance Armstrong spends hours with Oprah, Stephen runs an Extra Special Report on Florida's mystery monkey, and Jared Diamond examines traditional New Guinea culture.
9x45 - Tom Brokaw
January 16, 2013
HSBC launders cartel money, Matt Taibbi chews out big banks, Pat Robertson educates "slatternly" wives, and Tom Brokaw tells the plight of second presidential terms.
9x46 - Akhil Reed Amar
January 17, 2013
Subway cons consumers, President Obama tightens gun control, Megyn Kelly reveals her porn name, and Akhil Reed Amar shares his book, "America's Unwritten Constitution.
9x47 - Ta-Nehisi Coates
January 21, 2013
Obama launches the Presidential Pride Parade, Kate Middleton contaminates America, and Ta-Nehisi Coates reflects on Obama's second inauguration.
9x48 - Kathryn Bigelow
January 22, 2013
Obama obscures America's hopelessness in his speech, Republicans pursue advanced redistricting, Dustin Hoffman shrinks his cast, and Kathryn Bigelow talks "Zero Dark Thirty.
9x49 - Sally Field
January 23, 2013
Beyonce-Gate riles the media, Ayn Rand admirers find love, Virginia Republicans surprise Democrats with new districts, and Sally Field describes her character in "Lincoln.
9x50 - Tavi Gevinson
January 24, 2013
France sends troops into Mali, Edward Berenson outlines French martial history, Hillary Clinton answers questions about Benghazi, and Tavi Gevinson chats about "Rookie.
9x51 - Michael Shellenberger
January 28, 2013
The TSA abandons nude scanners, Australia and conservatives cope with climate change, North Korea goes after America, and Michael Shellenberger debates energy sources.
9x52 - George Saunders
January 29, 2013
Iran launches a monkey into space, states work to nullify Obama's gun grab, Cliff Sloan explains supreme law, Gitmo stays open, and George Saunders boasts about short stories.
9x53 - Bill Gates
January 30, 2013
Gay men stress less, Paul Clement defends DOMA in court, the KKK drops its racist message, and Bill Gates shares global health updates.
9x54 - Matthew Guerrieri
January 31, 2013
Super Bowl ads release teasers, Gatorade does away with BVO, a clever crow uses utensils, and Matthew Guerrieri explores Beethoven's cultural impact.
9x55 - Sonia Sotomayor
February 4, 2013
A blackout stalls the Super Bowl, Senate members tackle immigration reform, Obama claims to enjoy skeet shooting, and Justice Sonia Sotomayor details "My Beloved World.
9x56 - Julie Andrews
February 5, 2013
A parking lot covers up royal remains, CBS brings unemployment to reality TV, Californians thank a hatchet-armed hitchhiker, and Julie Andrews responds to kids' book critics.
9x57 - Lawrence Wright
February 6, 2013
Lobbyists try to save the penny, Elizabeth Colbert Busch takes on 16 GOP candidates, and Lawrence Wright confirms abuse within the Church of Scientology.
9x58 - Benh Zeitlin
February 7, 2013
A snowstorm slams the Northeast, Senator Stacey Campfield homes in on kids' sexuality, Facebook promotes hookups, and Benh Zeitlin explores Louisiana's Bathtub country.
9x59 - Garry Wills
February 11, 2013
The Bush family gets hacked, Pope Benedict becomes the first pope to resign in 717 years, Father Jim Martin details papal appointment, and Garry Wills talks priests.
9x60 - Roger Hodge
February 12, 2013
The GOP holds a conference to self-reflect, Karl Rove targets Tea Partiers, Steven Seagal trains volunteer gun posses, and Roger Hodge touts Southern literature.
9x61 - Dave Grohl
February 13, 2013
President Obama focuses on the middle class and infrastructure, Marc Rubio suffers from dry mouth, and Dave Grohl relives rock 'n' roll history.
9x62 - Gavin Newsom
February 14, 2013
A fertility feast leads to Valentine's Day, the Obama administration targets S&P, and "Citizenville" author Gavin Newsom brings government into the digital age.
9x63 - Emily Bazelon
February 19, 2013
A meteor streaks over Russia, Detroit gleans a libertarian investor, Obama goes golfing with Tiger Woods, and Emily Bazelon explores the culture of bullying.
9x64 - David Goldhill
February 20, 2013
The U.K. responds to a horse meat scare, Alexi Lalas assesses soccer match fixing, Norway celebrates firewood, and David Goldhill critiques health insurance.
9x65 - Lil Buck
February 21, 2013
A rumor links Chuck Hagel to a made-up Islamic group, for-profit incarceration teams up with football, MTV cons BET Twitter fans, and Lil Buck explains jookin.
9x66 - Simon Garfield
February 25, 2013
Michelle Obama crashes the Oscars, the CDC researches gun violence, sex scandal gossip plagues the Vatican, and Simon Garfield endorses handmade maps.
9x67 - Dr. Michio Kaku
February 26, 2013
Pope Benedict shares the Vatican with his successor, Jeremy Bird disrupts the natural order in Texas, Al Qaeda evades drone attacks, and Michio Kaku tracks asteroid paths.
9x68 - Paola Antonelli
February 27, 2013
Stephen endorses Halls cough drops, the government bugs Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's trial, John Kerry makes a case for dimwits, and Paola Antonelli shares the future of design.
9x69 - Jon Favreau
February 28, 2013
Pat Robertson confirms that demons occupy garments, shops sell Pope Benedict XVI memorabilia, federal spending cuts loom, and Jon Favreau describes speechwriting methods.
9x70 - Kirk Bloodsworth
March 4, 2013
Obama confuses "Star Wars" with "Star Trek," Stephen investigates scallop gonad research, Texas reconsiders gun training, and Kirk Bloodsworth opposes the death penalty.
9x71 - James Franco
March 5, 2013
Hugo Chavez passes away, Obama travels to Israel, Michael Oren discusses Iran, married couples retreat to Mars, and James Franco talks "Oz.
9x72 - Brendan O'Connell
March 6, 2013
The media introduces "Snowquester," Alabama calls the Voting Rights Act into question, Michael Bloomberg bans soda deliveries, and Wal-Mart inspires Brendan O'Connell.
9x73 - John Sexton
March 7, 2013
Rand Paul talks for 13 hours, North Korea creates an ominous music video, "The Bachelor" incites emotionally-charged staring, and John Sexton compares baseball and religion.
9x74 - Junot Diaz
March 25, 2013
The Vatican welcomes Pope Francis, Roma Downey stars in "The Bible," Trevor Potter memorializes Ham Rove, and Junot Diaz shares the Freedom University project.
9x75 - Eric Topol
March 26, 2013
Republicans contemplate a Celebrity Task Force, Senator Rob Portman flip-flops on gay marriage, and Eric Topol shares his book, "The Creative Destruction of Medicine.
9x76 - Carl Edgar Blake II
March 27, 2013
Papa Bear reassess gay marriage, scientists study Facebook "Likes," Tennessee lawmakers mistrust a mop sink, and Carl Edgar Blake II shows off his pigs.
9x77 - Robert Lustig
March 28, 2013
Same-sex marriage divides the Supreme Court, Emily Bazelon explains Proposition 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act, and Robert Lustig warns against sugar.
9x78 - Sigourney Weaver
April 1, 2013
Google pays tribute to Cesar Chavez, Pope Francis breaks a New Testament tradition, Tennessee uses a health care lottery, and Sigourney Weaver talks theater.
9x79 - Jim McGreevey
April 2, 2013
Sue Everhart warns of gay marriage fraud, Victor Cha dissects North Korea's bomb threats, Florida plans to outlaw bongs, and Jim McGreevey advocates in-prison rehab.
9x80 - A.C. Grayling
April 3, 2013
Mark Sanford runs against Elizabeth Colbert Busch, Louie Gohmert compares gun control to bestiality, the GOP surveys young people, and A.C. Grayling talks God and reason.
9x81 - Francis Collins
April 4, 2013
An Exxon pipeline bursts in Arkansas, Jeremy Irons compares gay marriage to incest, and NIH Director Francis Collins explains Obama's BRAIN Initiative.

The Colbert Report: All seasons

S0: Specials
10 Episode s
S1: Season 1
32 Episode s
S2: Season 2
161 Episode s
S3: Season 3
138 Episode s
S4: Season 4
160 Episode s
S5: Season 5
161 Episode s
S6: Season 6
161 Episode s
S7: Season 7
124 Episode s
S8: Season 8
155 Episode s
S9: Season 9
155 Episode s
S10: Season 10
160 Episode s
S11: Season 11
40 Episode s

9x1 - Ben Folds Five

9x2 - Jorge Ramos

9x3 - Kenny Rogers

9x4 - Dr George Church

9x5 - Mark Kelly

9x6 - Morrissey

9x7 - Naomi Wolf

9x8 - Chrystia Freeland

9x9 - Evan Thomas

9x10 - Cory Booker

9x11 - Tyler Perry

9x12 - The Killers

9x13 - Donald Sadoway

9x14 - John Grisham

9x15 - Anthony Everitt

9x16 - Mitch Daniels

9x17 - Lilly Ledbetter

9x18 - David Byrne & St. Vincent

9x19 - Nate Silver

9x20 - Election 2012: A Nation Votes, Ohio Decides; The Re-Presidenting of America: Who Will Replace Obama? '12

9x21 - Doris Kearns Goodwin

9x22 - Rachel Maddow

9x23 - Ken Burns

9x24 - Newt Gingrich

9x25 - Tony Kushner

9x26 - Chris Stringer

9x27 - Jake Tapper

9x28 - Dolly Parton

9x29 - Frank Oz

9x30 - Sean Carroll

9x31 - Ian McKellen

9x32 - Martin Freeman

9x33 - Andy Serkis

9x34 - Peter Jackson

9x35 - Diana Krall

9x36 - Malcolm Gladwell

9x37 - Mandy Patinkin

9x38 - Simone Campbell

9x39 - Jimmy Wales

9x40 - Chris Kluwe

9x41 - Neil Shubin

9x42 - Ben Gibbard

9x43 - Piers Morgan

9x44 - Jared Diamond

9x45 - Tom Brokaw

9x46 - Akhil Reed Amar

9x47 - Ta-Nehisi Coates

9x48 - Kathryn Bigelow

9x49 - Sally Field

9x50 - Tavi Gevinson

9x51 - Michael Shellenberger

9x52 - George Saunders

9x53 - Bill Gates

9x54 - Matthew Guerrieri

9x55 - Sonia Sotomayor

9x56 - Julie Andrews

9x57 - Lawrence Wright

9x58 - Benh Zeitlin

9x59 - Garry Wills

9x60 - Roger Hodge

9x61 - Dave Grohl

9x62 - Gavin Newsom

9x63 - Emily Bazelon

9x64 - David Goldhill

9x65 - Lil Buck

9x66 - Simon Garfield

9x67 - Dr. Michio Kaku

9x68 - Paola Antonelli

9x69 - Jon Favreau

9x70 - Kirk Bloodsworth

9x71 - James Franco

9x72 - Brendan O'Connell

9x73 - John Sexton

9x74 - Junot Diaz

9x75 - Eric Topol

9x76 - Carl Edgar Blake II

9x77 - Robert Lustig

9x78 - Sigourney Weaver

9x79 - Jim McGreevey

9x80 - A.C. Grayling