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How to Spank a Star
The Dick Van Dyke Show - S3 - E24
Rob's favorite star Paula Marshall is due to guest on the Alan Brady show but her demands cause problems for everybody.
The Dick Van Dyke Show: Season 3 - 32 Episode s
3x1 - That's My Boy???
September 25, 1963
Rob tells Mel about the day Ritchie came home Laura says Ritchie looked different in the crib. Rob begins to think he took the wrong baby home. Actually they took the right baby home but the wrong stuff like the cards (which were meant for the Peters baby (who left the hospital the same day as the Petries) Jerry & Rob take the footprints of their baby. The Peters come to get their stuff such as the flowers & dried figs.
3x2 - The Masterpiece
October 2, 1963
Rob, Buddy, Laura & Sally go to an auction to find something Alan could buy but not know he bought something. Rob is about to be the own an Artanis after Rob shows Buddy & Sally how people made bids (by pointing to someone's nose.) Mr. Holdecker thinks Frank Sinatra may have painted the picture.
3x3 - Laura's Little Lie
October 9, 1963
Are Rob and Laura married? This episode brings up that question as Rob asks Laura to sign insurance forms that Laura never signed. Laura does everything she can to hide a mistake Rob doesn't know about. Rob is tired of ""losing his wife"" He finds out he married a 17 year-old Laura.
3x4 - Very Old Shoes, Very Old Rice
October 16, 1963
Laura shows a new dress and is dying to Millie. Rob does the same thing at the office and is scared to tell the gang why he really needs the day off. Rob and Laura have a problem, Rob needs to finish this weeks show.
3x5 - All About Eavesdropping
October 23, 1963
Laura & Rob get ready to spend time with Jerry and Millie, but things get bad when Rob and Laura listen to Millie & Jerry over the intercom. Laura & Rob debate if they should go. The Petries arrive angry leaving Millie & Jerry to wonder what caused the fight. They play Charades by guessing a song title the clues don't match at all! Rob & Laura listen in again to Millie & Jerry say nice things about them.
3x6 - Too Many Stars
October 30, 1963
Rob tries to get away from Mrs. Billings she tells Rob someone else will direct the play thinking he will unhappy (Rob is happy not doing it after 3 years) Mrs. Billings soon gets Rob to it again. Buddy & Sally help out by performing a show they wrote for Alan Brady 3 years ago (Alan kept saying no to the show because he isn't the main one.
3x7 - Who and Where Was Antonio Stradivarius?
November 6, 1963
While working on a joke, Rob should be going to Alan's house to talk about the joke. After hitting himself on the head with a violin (a real one) Rob goes to a party. The party is in Red Hook, New Jersey!
3x8 - Uncle George
November 13, 1963
Uncle George drops by looking for a wife Herman's mom comes by as the new love for Uncle George. When George sees Sally he falls in love with her! Sally doesn't like the way things turn out; Rob tells George that Sally is taken. George wants to take Sally home! Rob comes home late after watching George & Sally dance for 3 hours. Rob finds it hard to tell George he can't have Sally.
3x9 - Big Max Calvada
November 20, 1963
Rob, Buddy, & Sally have job to do they have to write a joke for Kenny Dexter. Who is the nephew of Max Calvada but when Kenny shows up to see Rob, Buddy, & Sally they wonder if Kenny can do the act. When Kenny does the act he flops! Max let Kenny do the act because Max wants Kenny to go to college!
3x10 - The Ballad of the Betty Lou
November 27, 1963
The Ballad of Betty Lou, Is episode seventy-two, In which Rob and Jerry buy a boat, That really got their goat, 'Cause just as Laura predicted, As the Wisard of Id did, Their friendship was tested, But as soon as they rested, All was fine, So cast off the Line! - [email protected]
3x11 - Turtles, Ties, and Toreadors
December 4, 1963
Rob hires a maid named Maria who came from Spain! The problems are just starting Maria has a broken arm and can't speak English. She has to stay with Rob and Laura. Rob calls the agency to find another job. Maria has to go back to Spain unless a job is found. Rob finds a job for Maria painting at a local shop.
3x12 - The Sound of Trumpets of Conscience Falls Deafly on a Brain That Holds Its Ears
December 11, 1963
Rob learns he might to need testify because he is the only witness to a robbery, Rob is excited to be at the police station but has trouble telling the police what he saw because he has never been at the police station. Rob begins to recall things he forgot to tell police. Rob tells Ritchie that sometimes things have to be told to stay safe. Rob learns he didn't witness a robbery but he saw the people (who saw the robbery) running away.
3x13 - The Alan Brady Show Presents
December 18, 1963
The staff has to plan a Christmas show.
3x14 - The Third One from the Left
January 1, 1964
Rob tries to stop a guest star from falling in love with him.
3x15 - My Husband is the Best One
January 8, 1964
Rob is asked to meet with a reporter from ""Newstime"" magazine who is doing a cover story on Alan Brady. Laura comes along to the lunchtime interview. Rob modestly gives all the show's credit to Alan and his co-writers Sally Rogers (no G) and Buddy Sorrell (two Ls), but Laura throws in her opinion and won't be silenced by Rob. When the article appears, it mentions Alan's name 7 times and Rob's name 11 times, giving Petrie all the credit for Alan's success. It refers to Rob's ""frolicsome fellow workers"" only once as Sally Sorrell and Buddy Rogers. Brady calls Rob to his office and yells at him for stealing his thunder and yells at Mel for suggesting that Laura go along to the interview. Rob tries to repair the damage with a letter to the editor of Newstime, prompting Buddy and Sally to forgive him. But when it is printed, an ""Editor's Note"" suggests Brady forced Rob to write the letter and the magazine still believes Rob is the ""genius behind the genius."" Rob cowers in a corner of Brady'
3x16 - The Lady and the Tiger and the Lawyer
January 15, 1964
Laura tries to setup Arthur with a wife she invites Sally & Donna on two different days. Laura really wants Donna date Arthur, when Donna & Arthur hit it Rob does everything to stop the date by locking Donna in the bathroom! Rob feels Sally won't have a chance with Arthur, Rob and Laura wonder who Arthur picked for his date, he picks his former wife who he married twice!
3x17 - The Life and Love of Joe Coogan
January 22, 1964
Rob meets Laura's old flame Joe Coogan at the country club, Rob tells Laura he met Joe and Laura thinks he looked in her shoebox where her pomes are kept. (The pomes are kept in the basement) What Laura doesn't know is the Sonnets give a clue as to what Joe does for a living. Laura & Millie play Golf with Father Joe Coogan. Laura invites Joe to dinner along with Buddy & Sally only to get a big shock.
3x18 - A Nice, Friendly Game of Cards
January 29, 1964
Rob and friends play poker with marked cards that Rob was using to teach Ritchie some magic tricks.
3x19 - Happy Birthday and Too Many More
February 5, 1964
Laura & Rob are deciding when to have his party day should it be 3 weeks after or before Ritchie actual date of birth? Laura says she will have the party at Dizzy Land (not Disney Land). Rob & Laura forget the Gardner has come and have the party inside (with 63 kids!) because the garden needed to be fertilized!
3x20 - The Brave and the Backache
February 12, 1964
Laura wonders why Rob never wants to be alone with her.
3x21 - The Pen is Mightier Than the Mouth
February 19, 1964
Sally is famous overnight leaving Rob and Buddy to work alone.
3x22 - My Part-Time Wife
February 26, 1964
Laura helps out at the office but drives Rob crazy while Sally is away.
3x23 - Honeymoons Are for the Lucky
March 4, 1964
Rob recalls a time when he left Camp Crowder to spend his honneymoon with Laura.
3x24 - How to Spank a Star
March 11, 1964
Rob's favorite star Paula Marshall is due to guest on the Alan Brady show but her demands cause problems for everybody.
3x25 - The Plots Thicken
March 18, 1964
The Petrie's parents fight over where Laura and Rob should be buried. They have to decide which burial plot to choose without upsetting their in-laws.
3x26 - Scratch My Car and Die
March 25, 1964
Rob has a new car that he loves and won't let anyone touch. When Laura takes Ritchie to school she gets a scratch on the car! When Rob finds out he wants to sue the person who did it.
3x27 - The Return of Edwin Carp
April 1, 1964
Alan Brady is on vacation so Rob arranges for Edwin Carp and other stars of the golden era of radio comedy to guest on a tv special.
3x28 - October Eve
April 8, 1964
Laura's past comes back to haunt her in form of painting that is at an art gallery.
3x29 - Dear Mrs. Petrie, Your Husband is in Jail
April 15, 1964
Rob ends up in jail after contacting an army buddy.
3x30 - My Neighbor's Husband's Other Life
April 22, 1964
Rob and Laura see Jerry go out with another woman.
3x31 - I'd Rather Be Bald Than Have No Head at All
April 29, 1964
Another classic; in this episode, Rob finds a hair or two in his brush; of course he assumes he's going bald. A visit to his barber (Ned Glass) hardly reassures him. The barber tells him to use a concotion on his head whose formula is very close to salad dressing. Rob dreams of using the stuff, then waking with a salad on his scalp instead of hair. Fortunately, he realizes he is dreaming and wakes up (or does he)...BALD! Finally he manages to really awaken, and finds his hair is just fine. Buddy and Sally figure in the dream and are great, spinning Rob in the barber chair while the barber chuckles evilly. One of the stand-out episodes, right up there with ""It May Look Like a Walnut!"", ""Sneaky Camera"", and ""Washington Versus the Bunny.""
3x32 - Teacher's Petrie
May 13, 1964
The teacher falls in love with Laura.